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Reply To: How to Handle Graduation Party

#43694

Jan7
Participant

Back2beingMe6, this is NOT two normal mind individual’s who divorced, that may still have hurt feelings having to get together for a family graduation. This is a normal mind individual (you) having to deal with your abuser ex sociopath husband. Not the same by a long shot.

My advise is to educate your daughter of what you believe is her fathers mental state and explain the emotional toll & pain he inflected on you thought out your marriage. You don’t have to say “I hate the man” but you can show her the truth about why you dont want him at the party. Tell her it will cause you emotional grief and that you are sorry that you dont have the strength to see her father. She needs to learn the truth as this world will eat her up if she does not get educate.

Most likely, you suffered from PTSD when you lived with this sociopath & during the divorce & thought out child custody process until your daughter turns 18 or maybe if college was part of the divorce settlement.

My advise to you is DO NOT put yourself in mental & emotional harms way again that will cause trauma or PTSD that party day or long term. A victim of a sociopath can be easily triggered. There is no doubt that this sociopath will cause issues at this party i.e. pushing your buttons or your families buttons covertly for fun or something else. Remember sociopaths love to have fun by hurting others thru manipulation, gas lighting etc and are very good at doing it stealthy & covertly.

If you need a place to hold a party, how about a nice park that has bbq & a nice covered patio table area to set up your party in your area. Most county or state parks have very nice areas for large groups in beautiful settings.

You will have to check with the county park & recreation department to see if you can book this area in advance or if you have to arrive early to save the spot. Either way you will have control over who comes once you educate your daughter & explain that you emotional can not handle her father there. If the father shows up unexpectedly then you can call the police if he cause any trouble. YOU have control over the situation not him.

If money is tight ask your family & close friends if they can bring a dish for a “pot luck event”. Pot Luck parties were very popular not to long ago and really is a great way not to stress over running around to gather all the food items & prepare/cook them. Maybe team up with another grad with her family for more pot luck items or even asking each grad to bring a dish to share.

The father can hold his own party on a different day. No doubt he will rant about this but who the HELL cares!! You have endured enough emotional abuse from him, that you have the right now to pick who YOU chose to be around. YES it’s your daughters big day but if she has compassion & empathy for you, she will understand the pain & possible trigger you have been in & see that it will be best all around not to have a sociopath causing mayhem on her special day.

Congratulations for raising a Graduate!!! 🌺🌺🌺 Good job Grad Mom!!!😊

Hugs to you!! take care!


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