Reply To: Denial of it all



Takenmylifebac, you have to fake that you are staying with him until you have everything in order to exit safely out of this relationship. This is why it’s important to work with your local abuse center. They deal with this everyday. It’s not easy to fake it. Trust me, I just wanted to get in my car and drive away but like you I had to make arrangements out. I made my mistakes on not planning an EXIT PLAN out because I was not educated on what I was dealing with nor did I get help from the abuse center. This is why I keep advising you to get help from your local center. The center would have made my exit much easier & I wouldn’t have felt so alone.

I would highly recommend that you go & talk with a local abuse center counselor (for free) and also attend the women group meetings BEFORE you leave SECRETLY from your bf. I did this after I left & while in counseling not related to the abuse center. The women group meetings were eye opening. It was one of the best things that I did when I left.

The first group meeting there were about 40 women. The counselor asked each of us to tell our stories. The first time I went I could not speak I was so broken. 35 stories were almost identical to mine. It was quite shocking because for over 12 years of marriage I felt alone. I felt like I was the only one on this planet in this situation & didnt know how to get out. Yes, many times I knew I was being abused emotionally, physically, mentally etc but my ex was masterful at knowing just how much he could push me before I would leave him and he knew exactly who to manipulate me back into the relationship via love bombing etc. This is part of the cycle of abuse. Seems like you bf know how to do this also. i.e. love letter & unpacking your things.

You feel like you are not only walking on egg shells all day long but you feel like you are spinning on a hamster wheel to no where ville.

Just when you think everything is “normal again”….nope…here comes Mr Crazy & his chaos & drama. It’s a nightmare…you live this now.

I can just tell you from my own experience that it does not get better, ever, with a sociopath, but instead they turn up the meter to the next level of abuse once they get you to come back into the relationship after a fight…the next level of crazy continues to break your spirit down, not to mention your daughters spirit…the next level of drama makes you want to give up & feel stuck. And each time they are sucking the life out of you even more until you crawl your way out of hell.

You see this now…you are ready to leave. DONT LET HIS MANIPULATIVE WORDS & LOVE BOMBING LETTERS SUCK YOU BACK IN TO HELL. You are right now able to walk out of this relationship once you have everything in order. But if you stay he will make sure you pay for attempting to leave him. This is the cycle of abuse wheel. tension building, abuse then calm the tension building, abuse then calm. This cycle can happen 100’s of times…it can happen many times throughout the day.

You must realize that your bf is using you. For what? seems like a place to live? for sex, for your money (?), to screw with your mind for fun. Sociopath use everyone. My ex too used me for my money, for sex, for a cover, to screw with for fun, to break a person down etc.

Is this really the life you want? For the rest of your life?

My ex would come home literally & start yelling at me over what?..who the hell knows…it was a game. Never in my life had I been around anyone like this. He would pin me up against the wall & scream at me like a drill sergeant, if I asked him to slow down on an ice road, he would speed up & start to cut in & out of other traffic to terrify me & it worked, and it just got worse & worse & worse the longer I stayed. I’m not telling you this for sympathy, Im telling you this because this is after I tried to leave him after I found out about an affair. I look back and can not believe I stayed because his craziness & drama was off the charts.

But sociopath know how to play the game..and you dont know you are playing a game, let alone the rules to the game because a sociopath will keep changing the rules to keep you off guard = so they can control you & have power over you.

Because sociopath get bored & want to have fun and will screw with peoples minds. Is your bf like this too?

That Love letter is “Love bombing” (do a search here on Lovefraud for this.

He is also using “Sociopath pity play manipulation” to get you to feel sorry for him. DONT!!! (do a search on “Sociopath pity play manipulation here at love fraud & on the net)

I never wanted to date my ex h…never want to move in with him, never wanted to marry him…I want to leave him everyday. My gut alarm was going off the second I meet him. But I stayed for over 12 years of marriage. I wasted 12 plus years of my life. If I could go back & listen to my gut & run, I would. He showed me who he was the second I met him…durign the meeting I thought he was “a tornado” the second time meeting him I thought he was “crazy”…well guess what he is!! The original term for sociopath was Morally insane.

YOU are wasting your life if you are living with a narcissist or a sociopath narcissist. It’s better to be alone raising your daughter then be in hell.

I’m so proud of you for searching for answers on the net..and finding Lovefraud. And most importantly having the courage to post. I’m also so proud of you for making huge steps in leaving him. For calling the hotline. Keep making steps soon you will be running into your new life!!

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