Reply To: Denial of it all



Hi Takenmylifebac,

you ask: “I still feel guilt like maybe I am making the wrong decision is that normal?”

YES!! I talked myself out of leaving for over 12 years. I came up with every reason that I should stay. But now that I am free there is no way in hell I would ever let that evil man back in my life.

Right now you are just fearful of possibly being alone, making the wrong decision, about a father figure for your daughter, etc etc.

With time & being around good people again you will see that his behavior is NOT NORMAL.

It is NOT normal to “rage” against someone during a disagreement!!!

It is NOT normal to “throw” things around during a fight!!

It is not normal to feel fear when having an disagreement!!

Yet this is what you are living in = fear = walking of egg shells not to set him off again = NOT NORMAL.

He has trained you to accept his horrific & terrifying behavior. You right now think it’s ok BUT IT”S NOT OK!!

You state in your first post:

“..“oh well maybe he isn’t a narcissist because that doesn’t sound like him” even though I KNOW everything they say is him to a T but those few small things…”

YOU KNOW WHO HE IS! YOU KNOW HE WILL NOT CHANGE!! YOU WANT OUT! How do I know this? Because you have written this in your post here. Re=read your post!!

You state: “Reading your story makes me think maybe I’m wrong about my situation (i know its just old habits coming back of giving him excuses) his rage is bad not as bad as what you had to endure”

YOUR SITUATION IS JUST AS BAD AS MINE. Right now he has you in the “Lovebombing” stage i.e. Idolization stage to trick you into staying. It’s all a con game to these con artist. DONT get conned again. You searched for answers to his horrible behavior towards you & your daughter and it lead you to lovefruad = LISTEN TO YOUR GUT of why you searched for answers!! it’s telling you the truth!!


WATCH THE VIDEOS UP AT THE TOP UNDER THE “VIDEO TAB” EVERY TIME YOU HAVE DOUBT. Dont look at my situation & think its not the same as yours = it is!! Right now you just have doubt. Which is very normal with dealing with a narcissist or sociopath.

You State:

“I also didn’t want to be with him or move in with him or any of that when we first met… I don’t want to say it was out of pity but something was there where I felt I had to save him because I was giving him money and car rides buying his groceries and paying for his food all in the beginning.”

BINGO!! My ex h did the same exact thing hon. I did not want to date him, move in with him or marry him & everyday I was married I wanted to leave. He is a masterful con artist. I witness him doing this to everyone he meet.

Your gut was screaming at you not to date him, or move in with him!! LISTEN TO YOUR GUT NOW!!

Google” “Oprah Gavin Debecker you tube” and watch your interview on listening to your gut. Gavin Debecker is the author of Gift of fear and he reminds us to NEVER weaver from our gut instinct. We have this alarm system for a reason = to PROTECT us & our children!!

You state: “Now it’s 9 years later and I don’t offer much to him so I’m not sure what he gets from me. I don’t work, I cook every now and then, I have lost my sex drive, I’m not sure what is left to offer”

You offer him POWER & CONTROL OVER YOU! That is what sociopath & narcissist ultimately want! He has you jumping thru hoops without you even realizing it. Right now he is playing you with his love bombing & his ranging.

If a friend did what he did to you, would you keep that friend in your circle?

My guess is NO!! More like HELL no!!

Dont settle because you feel it’s the “easiest way” it’s not, you are sacrificing your life and most importantly you daughters life.

I’ll write more later. Take care.

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