Reply To: Denial of it all

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Hi takenmylifebac,

You state:

“After everything in have listened to and read I still feel so much guilt and remorse. Him being sad is killing me. Why do I care so damn much”

Why do you care? Because you are a good descent person. He is not. You are use to dealign with a normal mind person when you have a disagreement. But with a person who is a sociopath narcissist or narcissist they just keep twisting your mind up so that you dont even know which way is up or which way is down. So you keep trying harder to make the relationship work…you keep trying to fix this relationship.

Some relationships are not fixable!! Some you must walk away to have peace & calmness in your life = a normal life.

You state:

“I feel so alone and have no one near me to keep me grounded. He doesn’t have a job at the moment so I can’t call an advocate or prepare anything. I still feel so lost.”

EVERY VICTIM of abuse feels exactly how you feel right now, including me when I was with my ex h. one of the first things an abuser does is to isolate their target victim from family,friends, co workers, neighbors & anyone else in the victims life for several reasons:

1) so that the target victim does not expose the abuser to the world

2) to have full control over the target victim!! (power & control is what the sociopath wants ultimately!!).

3) for the fun of it. Sociopaths love to play games & make people jump thru hoops.

You state: “I’m going to go back and read everything in this tread and make sure I’m not missing steps .. I just really wish this was over with”

YES!! Do this. Keep reading everything over & over & watch the videos up at the top when you are scared, crying, angry etc They will open up your mind from your mates brain washing & mind control (literally he is doing this to you everyday to control your mind just like a cult leader does to his cult followers)

You state:

“It feels so much easier just to stay because he was making progress …but I still wasn’t happy and he was still so disconnected in our daily lives”

Been there too…stayed 12 years and he & his crazy drama abuse just got worse & worse. Right now your body is releasing larges amounts of adrenaline & cortisol = stress hormones. So you want to stay just to calm your body down. It is normal during a breakup for the body to release large amounts or adrenaline & cortisol but with a abusive relationship your body is continually releasing larger amounts of cortisol & adrenaline daily. SO you are seeking out calmness & in your mind you think it would be calmer (easier) to just stay but guess what the environment you & your daughter are living will NEVER be a calm environment. Best to get out now and over time your body will calm down. See the info above with regards to “adrenal fatigue” I posted in another post.

I just want you to know that YOU ARE NOT ALONE! reach out to your family & most trusted friends & tell them what is going on…tell them you need their help. Have the come to LF & educate themselves so they understand the magnitude of what you are going thru.

Keep reaching out to your local abuse center also. Do a search on LF on the book “Husband, Liar, Sociopath” by O.N.Ward. This book is EXCELLENT. The author breaks down her experience with a sociopath husband very articulately. She has posted the full book week by week click on the 1 week then at the end of the post you can click on each week.

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