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Reply To: Has he finally gone away for good???

#44387

slimone
Participant

Thirdtimelucky,

They generally cycle back around when they want something. Even if it is just for a few moments of drama. The only thing that keeps them out of your life is going, and staying, with zero interaction. No response, no emails, no texts, nothing. Don’t ever give him the power of knowing that if he bugs you 20 times that you will finally let him in.

His letter to you is a classic, whereby he accuses you of all the things he has done, and would do again if you let him. He lays his cards on the table with this letter. You just have to ‘read’ those cards correctly.

What I mean by this is that even though he is saying how disgusted he is by you, this is not about you, and is not an indication he will leave you alone.

What he is expressing is contempt: the feeling that a person or a thing is beneath consideration, worthless, or deserving scorn. In truth he feels this way about everyone and everything in the whole world. But he still needs ‘the world’, so will reappear whenever he thinks he could get something.

The whole process, the letter, the insults, the manipulation and lies, are all very impersonal, despite your having had an intimate relationship. And in truth you can totally ignore everything he has written or said about you, since these things are so obviously false (and about him, really).

It is interesting how they use projection to illuminate their own shortcomings. If you can look at it like a scientist (easier said than done) it can help take the sting of betrayal out of it (some).


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