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Reply To: Trying to recover after being discarded

#44796

thirdtimelucky
Participant

Dear cnd73,
First of all, virtual hugs and support to you. Thank you for sharing your story. As Donna has said in her reply, there is a lot of information on the site that will be useful.
What you are describing is, sadly, common. I was in a relationship with sociopath for 4 years, he love bombed me, proposed, was trying to move in – and all this time he was married to someone else for 18 years (and as it became clear, was planning to either to commit bigamy or use the engagement to hold me tied to him). When we broke up, he accused me of low sexual morals and sleeping with married me. He also called me a narcissist. This is what they do – when they accuse or blame you, they are talking to themselves about themselves.
Re him getting back together with his ex – again, this is common. They “hoover” (google “hoovering for some excellent articles). They will always paint an ex in the worst possible light to their new target. But keep exes close so that they can go back to them if they need extra supply (sex, money, attention, social perception). In my case, for the first 3 years all I’ve heard about was a “nutty” mother of his daughter with whom he had no contact for 22 years. When they resume contact (which was weird in itself), they were catching up behind my back. I am sure they slept together (though it was denied). In his final discard email this woman was described practically as a saint.
Whilst you are waiting for a therapist, it may be helpful to write your thoughts on paper, write emails to yourself saying all the things you would like to say to him. But please don’t send.
But the first thing to do is go no contact – it is not easy. It is tempting to break it. But in the long term it is the only way to break the toxic bond. There are a lot of articles on Love Fraud on “No Contact”.
Good luck!


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