Reply To: Love in the time of abuse




They ARE all different. I knew a loud, brash, super confident appearing one. All the girls were crazy for him. He was handsome and the life of any gathering. He markets himself as a spiritual leader, and runs ‘workshops’.

Also known very quiet, ‘helpful’, self-deprecating sociopaths. One was a therapist of sorts. He stalked me, after knowing me a couple of months, for nearly 5 years.

There is a some benefit, at a point in our healing, to look at what attracts us TO them. Particularly if we find we have had a string of these experiences. That said, be careful about beating yourself up over it.

In my case I had a ‘loving’ and quiet grandfather who was a sociopath, and a child sex-abuser. My mother is on the narcissistic scale, and has very little understanding of other people’s needs and perspectives. Growing up with these types did a few things to make me ‘attracted’ to future sociopaths.

They felt familiar. They triggered my need to please. They triggered my need to ‘heal’ through trying to get them to love me (like my grandfather and mother couldn’t).

I came to understand this after I wasn’t so shell shocked and depressed. Once I got stronger I wanted to explore my own past, and how it was affecting my choices and impulses. It was very helpful, but I could not have done this work early on.


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