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Reply To: Broke "no contact": how to get back on track?

#44962

thirdtimelucky
Participant

Yes, I blocked his number now (I unblocked him when I sent him an Easter text). As I said in my response to Jan7, he used the same vile words before, in reference to his ex wives and his daughter.

Yes, I was able to feel detached when I go the texts. It gets easier with time, it took 18 months between the first “this is not right” to the final break. I told him I did not want to get married early January; then I did “grey rock” to encourage him to end it (to be safe, so he is less likely to go into a rage) for 6 weeks. So it is a very long process (even in my situation where we have no kids and did not live together).

Please be kind to yourself and be ready for setbacks along the way. It is normal to feel scared. Please delete his voice messages (unless they are abusive, then save them for any possible litigation later). It is normal to feel some fleeting guilt when they play a victim, we are normal empathetic people. They are not. The kids need to be kept safe from violence and from learning sociopathic behaviours (my son was taught to curse, make suggestive comments about women and was offered alcohol by sociopath. And my boy is only 6 and a half! And if I said that behaviour was not appropriate, my son was taught to disrespect me and call me nicknames). That what gave me extra strength – I did not need this influence around my boy. Bad enough he has a disordered bio dad and a possibility inheriting that disorder.

One day at a time, it gets easier. If some people in your life are not supportive, reduce contact with them or do not confide (e.g. I give very minimal information to my parents, they are not helpful. but I have a good therepist and supportive friend network). Exercise is essential – even some stretches and sit ups for 5 min once kids are in bed, whilst kettle is boiling!

And of course this forum is invaluable (and good to see that it is now an international community. Also scary to realise that sociopathy is a global illness).


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