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Reply To: Broke "no contact": how to get back on track?

#44963

thirdtimelucky
Participant

Re Jan7’s comments on sociopathic language, some comments you heard were similar to mine, believe what he says. Here are some examples from my situation and “translation” into normal language.

“I don’t like kids”. He didn’t. He was getting jealous when I paid more attention to my son. During my divorce proceedings from the father he kept saying that it would be easier for me if the father had custody.

“I completely lack empathy due to my parents being abusive and spending time at the all boys boarding school” – the first part about empathy is true. The rest is a pity ploy (I had a PI in the UK to check if he went to a boarding school he didn’t. He was born in the UK (but told me he was born in Australia, see, even something as simple is made into a lie).

“I have been a womaniser until I met you” = I am still a womaniser and sleep around

“I found my (no 2) wife in bed with another man; she was cheating on me” = probably the other way around.

“My first marriage was nothing, a 5 min thing on a drunken impulse” = it was nothing to him (lasted 10 yrs, until he had a child with someone else).

“The mother of my daughter was a pscyho” = he is a psycho.

“I was not allowed to see my daughter for 23 years” = most likely he had no interest in seeing his child.

“ Women usually irritate me” – I will get angry if you question me (Which he did, when I asked a direct question or disagreed in an early days. He would give me cold treatment, stop talking and eventually I stopped disagreeing with him out of fear).

“This is so easy” (in reference to our relationship) = I can’t believe you are so trusting and naive and believe all I tell you (e.g. that I work most weekends writing reports or helping people who had insurance related problems and that’s why I cannot spend time with you on weekends or my birthday or that I have my things in storage and live in hotels.)

“I will not deliberately hurt your son and you” – I will hurt you but it will be all your fault (he did throw my son on a bed once, then claimed it didn’t hurt. Another reason I had to end).

“You say I have another woman…highly unlikely” = Yes

“You have low sexual morals” = he has low sexual morals (this was in his farewell email to me, as a reason for break up in his mind. Coming from a married man who was planning to commit bigamy).

“You have me at check mate” = you are onto me. You have me in a corner (that what he was saying during our last meeting about 2 months ago).

Hopefully this helps.

Re your kids and him:

Once of the reasons I did not end my relationship with him earlier was my concern as to how my son would react (sociopath was in his life since my boy was 3.5, so I did not want to add more losses to my son’s life. His father and I divorced when he was 2). But a week before we broke up, my son said a couple of things: “Mum, tell him to stop talking about other women all the time”; “Why is he lying?”; “That’s not right he left you on New Years Day”. And since the split my boy only mentioned SP once, asked if he was moving in. Told him no, decided to stay in his home town. My boy just gave me a long hug and never mentioned SP again. Says it all, doesn’t it?

Lastly, predators target single mums. The last 2 wives of my SP were single mums. He also made comments about his preference for single mums when he did online dating (we met on a online dating site. Definitely staying away from those in the future). Vigilance and wisdom for us in the future!


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