Reply To: Broke "no contact": how to get back on track?



At least I know now to run the other direction and fast if someone I meet tries to give me psych books or “fix me up”. I got caught in that twice:
My son’s dad during the very short and worldwind courship gave me two books that were “must” (And apparently he did couples counselling studies): “Marry Him (the case for marrying a Mr Good Enough)” and “The Road Less Travelled”. Both are perfectly good books (since I have done a family law and mediation course and had to study them in depth). But the way he used them was: He was my last chance to have a baby as at 35 my clock was ticking so I could either hope for Mr Right or take advice of the first book and marry him asap. The second book was used to justify that I did not need to be in love with him or like him as “romantic love dies anyway”. A complete misinterpretation of both books.
SP ex gave me a book called “Dancers with Anger” on our 2nd date. His message to me was that my relationship with my parents was toxic and I had to distance myself from them to stop their manipulation. There was a grain of truth in that but in hindsight he tried to use is as an isolation technique.

Last red flag I’d like to mention: even in the early days when I saw him relaxed & resting (e.g. in bed), he had this look that my mind called “a resting serpent”. Like a snake lazing in the son, relaxed but prepared to strike. I later found out it is called “reptilian gaze” and is indeed a sign of sociopath.

Yes, as you say, always trust your gut.

I am sorry to hear that the counselling with your ex made you spend another 7 years with him, but it is very encouraging to see you recovering and thank you for sharing your experience with this forum.

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