Reply To: Female sociopath on a road trip

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I’m sorry you suffered this frightening experience with this appalling woman. I say “frightening” quite literally because I shudder to think what you might have caught from her if you hadn’t had the good sense and wisdom to practice “safe sex”! Of course that’s on top of the emotional damage done (as always) by being forced to realize the entire relationship was a sham on her part.

Two comments on something you said:

I think that M. was dropping lots of hints about this behavior, part of her enjoyment of deception was to hint almost to the very point of telling the truth, and then enjoy the deception even more because I did not figure it out then. Sociopaths live according to the saying that many people will fall for the big lie, because normal people think that no one could tell a lie that big.

I expect you know that one of the world’s most monstrous psychopaths, none other than Adolf Hitler himself, made the same observation in “Mein Kampf”: that people will fall for a Big Lie more readily than a small one, for essentially the reason you mentioned. In effect Hitler attributed this to projection on the part of what he called the “masses” of ordinary “simple-minded” people. He didn’t use the term “projection,” and probably didn’t know it, but that was clearly what he meant: he said that while ordinary people may tell small lies, they would never be audacious enough to tell a truly colossal lie themselves. They’d be far “too ashamed” to do so, so it would “never enter their heads” that anyone else would!

Needless to say, “shame” is an inhibition that psychopaths are not subject to! In the case of this woman you were unlucky enough to encounter, her perfidy at the motel was not so much a matter of “outrageous lying” as of outrageous behavior! I don’t doubt it was tempting to wonder if she was up to something underhanded when she wanted to “rest” at the motel instead of having dinner with your family as you’d expected. Why did she have to sleep all evening as well as all afternoon? Why did she want you to let her know when you’d be getting back there? If she needed to sleep so much, why would she want to be woken up with a phone call? There was the puzzling matter of the towels as well. Under different circumstances one might wonder if she was planning a secret assignation behind your back… but with whom? After all, it was your family’s town you were traveling to, hundreds of miles away; who could she possibly know there? It would never occur to anyone that she was a hooker meeting clients she’d lined up in advance! That was just too outrageous!

If you’ve read the articles on this site, you’ll see it’s very likely that she did derive gratification from deceiving you without your awareness. This is referred to as ”duping delight”: something that psychopaths revel in. Up to a point, that’s only an extension of normal human nature. I’m sure we all enjoy “putting something over” on someone in a harmless fashion; April Fool’s Day is not far behind us, after all. But doing so in the hostile fashion typical of psychopaths, or hurting anyone we’re supposed to love, is another matter entirely. As it happens, your mention of this prompted me to recall the peculiar behavior of a female on another abuse-related site years ago, who was doing something similar to her husband. Not that she was a professional whore, and I don’t have any evidence that she was a psychopath either, but the topic of “duping delight” makes me even more suspicious of her real nature than I was before. I ought to post something about that if I get a moment. Good luck with your recovery anyway.

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