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Traumatized, Thanks for explaining about the bank teller. I understand. Because of similar responses, I became very selective about whom I actually shared the details and the real story about my ex psychopath. What worked for me was to say something short and simple, like, ‘I found out he was stealing from me’ or ‘I found out he was cheating on me,’ or ‘I found out he was doing porn’ or….fill in the blank with a description of the spath’s behavior in simple terms. It doesn’t describe the horror and the trauma, but it’s something that people who don’t really understand can sort of get. Still, I get responses like ‘All guys do porn,’ and then I decide whether to mention it was child porn or gay porn….or just say, ‘well, it wasn’t acceptable to me.’
I relate to your observation that you wouldn’t have understood before you experienced the evil of a spath experience first hand. I didn’t even really know what abuse was before I experienced it myself. I was inwardly pretty judgemental and kind of assumed that being abused is something that a woman lets happen to her; and that it would never happen to me. I was humbled and I am truly compassionate in ways I wasn’t. Even though I said the right things, inwardly I was thinking that abuse victims were complicit in some way.

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