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Hi Thirdtimelucky, your ex’s word con game was unbelievable…no doubt he is still using the same EXACT con game of words to suck in more victims & keeping his wife in his grips.

“a friend is paying my bills and does my admin in return for me paying my mortgage. I also use her address for correspondence and to garage my car”.

What he was telling you was plausible…he was just helping out a friend right? Who wont believe what he told you. My ex’s con game of words was also believable to a certain extent. But in the beginning I saw some of his lies..but I never dealt with someone that lied. It’s shocking to hear the lies & then how do you deal with the lies once you realize they are lying? If you have not been taught as a child to call out someones lies how do you know how to handle such a situation?? I am not an argumentative person or a conformational person so being in a relationship with a sociopath is stressful & anxiety ridden just from this prospective.

The reality is, we all were brought up by honest parents, we picked our circle of friends that were honest, so when one of these evil types comes along we dont know how to deal with their lying & scheming. We are shocked…sociopaths use “double think” manipulation (google this) so that we are left confused & doubting our own thoughts & what they said.

Do we call them out? do we start an argument? or do we remain silent? Remaining silent is what sociopath want you to do. But they also, love an agreement where they can twist your mind up even more just for fun. My ex could twist up everyones mind so quickly even to get out of a speeding ticket, or dealings in divorce court judge, boss, family or me. I bet your ex was the same too!?!

It’s so crazy what we all endured. Some moments I’m still shocked about this whole crazy world we live in after educating myself. Yes, I knew there were bad people in this world but never knew that there were text book terms for their craziness.

You state:

“I was so vulnerable at the time, in the middle of court case with my son’s dad so I was grateful for any attention I got. That’s what they do – SP prey on vulnerable.”

Donna, has written many articles on the dangers of online dating (you can do a search on LF to read them). I think good old fashion meeting someone & believe your gut instinct right away is most important. My gut reaction, like yours, was dead accurate when meeting my ex the very second I met him thru a mutual friend. The second meeting was even more accurate…but I ignored the red flags because I was lonely & because he had a huge group of friends so I convinced myself that my gut was not accurate because… why would all these people be his friend??

I had Just moved to a new town for a new job. Most dangerous time according to Steven Hassan cult & domestic abuse expert for someone to meet a abuser, is when they have had a life change i.e. divorce (like you), death in the family, move (like me), going of to college, new job etc. So this is something that we all have to look out for when we have a changes in our life = dont let your guard down.

You state:

“So I was excited to meet him. But our first lunch date did not go well – he was late, I did not find him attractive and was unsure what to think.”

I did not find my ex attractive ever. He was late for everything! I wonder if your ex was late intentionally to have power over you??

I read a study that we can determine within 3 seconds if someone is trustworthy or not. Your gut instinct was correct not only about him, but most likely about his daughter too.

Google: “Oprah Gavin Debecker you tube” to watch their video on listen to your gut.

My ex mirrored me in the beginning too. I think they all do this go suck us all in. If I left a sweet note for him before I left for work, days later he would leave me a very similar worded note or on the phone. I remember thinking it was odd. Those “odd” moments someone gives off are like a bread crumb trail once you finally want to see the truth…then you see the years of bread crumbs they dropped along from day one. Odd moments = red flags!!

If I think about it too much I can get sad about the whole nightmare, especially the fact that my gut alarm went off the very second I met him like yours. If only we could go back and RUN LIKE HELL FROM THEM (lol) Wishful thinking.

I remember sitting at the dinner table with his co worker & him just wanting to get up & RUN out, go back to the hotel & pack my things & leave him. But of course the “what if I am wrong about the two of them”…then I just made a complete fool of myself. So I sat there going between anger & tears but holding it all in so not to show my internal emotions outward. He controlled us both at that very table.

Anyways, I’m glad that you know the truth about this evil guy & that you found the strength to post here at love fraud & continue to post. Asking questions & having a convention with someone who understands helped me tremendously when I first left to unraveling my brain from all the craziness that I endured. So I’m glad that you are asking questions & posting and hope it is helping you also.

Wishing you a wonderful day to day!! 😊

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