Reply To: Am I paranoid or is he a narcissist?


David Mc Dermott MD


There are a few things that might be worth keeping in mind. Firstly, the victims of narcissists and psychopaths are programmed to reveal things about themselves because the manipulators need information to continue the control so they program their victims to do this.

The second thing is that after a breakup it’s common for people to want and need to talk about it, to feel supported and get it out of their system.

For these 2 reasons, it’s important to be very careful about what you reveal about yourself and to whom you tell it. If the person who is ‘giving you a shoulder to cry on’ is another psychopath or narcissist, you are literally giving them all the information about you that they need to step in and take over where the last manipulator left off.

This is very commonly how people get caught in another abusive relationship without realizing it, because the new manipulator offers the victim exactly what the victim needs in that moment and the victim, accustomed to bad treatment, is very appreciative of someone who is treating them well. Then before the victim knows it, they are caught up in another nightmare.

As regards spotting narcissists and psychopaths, remember there is no stereotypical psychopath or narcissist. They can be as different as chalk and cheese, from the CEO of a huge company to the parasite who has never worked a day in their life and sits on the couch watching TV all day while everyone around provides everything he or she needs. Just because a person has been caught by one does not make them an expert in spotting manipulators.

For this reason, until you are happy that you do understand how to spot a psychopath or narcissist, it’s important not to give a potential manipulator the benefit of the doubt. This is how people actually get caught! It’s much better to have a few false positives (to think that someone is a manipulator when they actually are not) than to get caught again.

From what you say this guy is not responding normally to your situation, (irrespective of what you think your motives may or may not be) and that should be a major warning to you. Much safer to walk away than risk being caught again…

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