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Reply To: Cyber monitoring

#45587

AnnettePK
Participant

Traumatized,

Continuing to check into his online presence may be partly habit, partly due to the legal process which ties you to his existence until it’s resolved, and perhaps partly to confirm that he really is the evil monster you now know he is.

In my own experience it was a gradual process in which I more and more often resisted the urge to check in on the ex psychopath. I socialized more with other people and got back to my previous activities that I hadn’t participated in during the psychopath years. In this way, I gradually reduced to zero the time I spent thinking about the ex spath and checking in on him. I eventually blocked him and his family members because I felt safer that he not know any details about my life. At first it’s more difficult when one is breaking the habit of thinking and acting about the ex, but each time you resist and consciously put your attention on something else, it gets easier and it develops a habit of not thinking about him and of doing and thinking about other good things and people in our lives.

You won’t have complete no contact until the legal actions are done. When the divorce from the fake ‘marriage’ to my ex psychopath was finalized, and I no longer had to have limited contact with him about tax return matters, it was a big step to freedom from him.

I still receive google alerts when my ex spath’s name comes up somewhere on the internet. I feel safer that I would know if he makes the news for some reason, if his name turns up in a family member’s (or his own) obituary, or the like. I know that he is aware of my existence; and if he ever thinks it would benefit him in some way and he thinks he wouldn’t get caught, there is nothing restraining him from harming me. I keep in mind his potential dangerousness. I do what I can to keep my whereabouts and activities private.


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