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Reply To: Red Flag Online Dating Profile

#45625

zoe7
Participant

Hi Jan7,

Thank you for your supportive response. I agree with you completely. “Type A” personality is a big red flag, as is “intense”.

I have also read other lovefraud members mentioning “drama free” as an indicator of potential predatory behavior. The man who targeted me complained constantly about his ex’s (only, SHOCKER, turns out she was still his legal wife, and they had only briefly and casually separated) need for drama. In truth, his entire world was a soap opera that he created and starred in.

As the other members said, he was grooming me to be as self-less as possible in the “relationship,” if you can call it that. Our only real relationship was predator and prey. Once he told me that his (not) ex-wife might show up at the hotel where we were staying because “she liked to party there with her friends.” That seemed very strange to me.

I told him that if she were to show up, I would leave the hotel, and him, immediately. Sigh again. I did some things right. Sometimes my instincts were right on, and I acted on them with him. When he was really making a play for money he would say, “Let’s make that investment right now. It is the deal of a lifetime, and it has to happen today. Then we can go home, and make love…”

Though we were regularly intimate, he never used the phrase “make love” unless he wanted money, and I would always smell something fishy. Even then I was aware of oxytocin, and the bonds it creates around physical intimacy. “You must think that I am easily controlled,” I would tell him, leaving.

It is true that he tried to steal much more money than the amount that I made available to him, but still, I feel like a fool. I am a pretty savvy person, a city kid who grew up having to be wary of strangers, and still, I fell for him. It is a lesson that I will never forget, and I hope to continue to grow from it. I now see patterns in the men that I am attracted to; bad patterns. I am working on changing that.

About online dating, I have met decent men in the past that way. This time I bought only a minimal subscription, and really use it for the entertainment that reading some of those profiles provides more than anything. I suppose that I am still jaded, and a bit bitter about what happened. Sometimes it seems like all men are a bit predatory, but deep down I know that good ones are out there. I just need to adjust my radar so that I don’t look past them in favor of the handsome, egotistical jerks I have chosen previously. Baby steps, I guess:/


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