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Reply To: So unhappy and confused– is it me?

#45696

outofeggshells
Participant

Steph, I can completely relate to your situation. I was thinking I was being spoiled or entitled as well. My now ex (as of 29 days ago) was a millionaire. We lived in an 8000sf home with a pool. He had 4 cars – funny you mention the Gran Turismo since he had one along with a Ferrarri, Tesla, and a Mercedes SUV which I drove most of the time.
Here’s the catch. I have my own business and work from home. Every day I would have mini panic attacks about my own finances while he was out buying condos as investment properties. Even though he lost money on the first one he keeps buying them. Every day he asks if I got any new business. I spent 5 months building my own website instead of hiring someone to save money. After toiling away all that time he said “gee, it would have been so much quicker if I would have just given you the money to hire it out but too late now”. He had a habit of being generous when there was no problem any more.
At least he didn’t make me pay 50%. I think he would have liked that but I think he liked the control of “giving” so he could throw it in my face. That’s usually how it worked. He’s pretty much thrown any gift he has ever given me in my face to show how much he does for me. Even a set of cheap luggage he bought me our first Christmas together 8 years ago.
Whenever I just wanted to vent about my business or my finances (like he did with me) he would say “well just imagine if you didn’t live here and drive my cars, you’d have to get a real job and have way more money to pay out”. If I ever complained about anything or brought up an issue he said “I let you live here and this is what I get?” or simply “I let you live here” which is great for making someone feel like a burden over a partner. He would tell me how women would love to have this lifestyle and I took him for granted. This became a weekly thing the last 6 months we were together.
As for the golddigger comment, I’m with you there too. His family keeps telling him I’m a golddigger even though he gives me nothing other than a place to live and food, which I appreciated, but never big buckets of money. Anytime I tried to ask him for financial help when I got really desperate he would say I was a golddigger.
He just discarded me for the fourth and last time. The last time I moved out of state back to my home. When he wanted me back 11 months later I went. My business has been bouncing back and forth for 3 years now. I just moved back home again to get away from him and am not going back again. He could never appreciate how this might have had an affect on my finances. He said it was irrelevant.
So, I get you. I felt the same way. I still feel like I shouldn’t be complaining even as I write this. The only thing that keeps me going is that I have had live in relationships in the past with men with not even a tenth of my exes means who were 200% more generous – and never threw my mere existence in my face. Hang in there.


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