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Reply To: Having to meet again

#45747

skytteq
Participant

Sorry for the late reply. I myself has started seeing a therapist for my own personality disorder and as a result I’ve been extremely tired.

My dad hasn’t developed emotionally through the years. He is a nice person and a pleaser, but as a result always fall for the wrong women. Since his marriage to my mother he has been with 3 women. The middle one was wonderful and ‘normal’. The others are clearly mentally ill. The first was my stepmom from when I was 11 to 21. She was jealousy of my sister and I. We saw our dad every other weekend and had no contact with him in the meantime. Even though she was with him every day she felt jealous. Her mood ruled what we could or couldn’t do. If she didn’t get her will she would threaten to commit suicide. At one point I was commited to a psychiatric hospital for 2 months. I told him I didn’t want her to visit. Because of that he wouldn’t come either. I AM HIS DAUGHTER! Every so often I would hear a snide comment about him not liking me or something like that. He finally broke it of with her. But with wife no 3 I find myself missing the first one!
She is definitely a psychopath! Drama everywhere and she finds every bodies weaknesses and finds a way to make them upset.

It is extremely hard on me. My father is obviously a victim, but because of our history I’ve rage towards him. In therapy I’ve discovered that I’m unable to allow myself to show emotions. I sleep, self harm or drink to feel numb. My father is a huge part of the reason I am what I am.
In a week and a half it’s time for the wedding. My feelings aren’t changed and I haven’t had time to talk about it during therapy. To make matters worse my therapist quit her job, so I’m getting a new one tomorrow. Already being a person who doesn’t want to open up to others – life is hard right now!

Sorry for dumping all this on you. I don’t want to burden my friends with all of this. Or rather: I don’t want to talk about it. I just want to hide and pretend it isn’t real.


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