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Reply To: Recovery: pressure to date

#45826

shescomeundone
Participant

I understand completely! I can’t give advice but I can share my experience and hope you can find something worthwhile in it. After I left my SP for good, I got differing reactions. I had my married friends who pushed the get-back-on-the-horse mentality. They hated seeing me so sad and i think it made them feel kinda uncomfortable. They would be more comfortable with me if i brought a date to dinner. And I had a mixture of both single and married who gave me the vibe they pitied me. All in all, I listened to my own voice that said I just wasn’t ready. I knew my heart was broken and I didn’t think it right to give a new man a broken heart… I wanted to give a new man a healed one. So I told them I wasn’t ready. I got the same response from almost everyone. “Don’t say that, you never know, love has a way of finding you when you least expect it. Wink wink” Silly silly people. That is exactly how my sp found me, when I least expected it. Finally I got the courage to let them know what I had experienced. Then I culled the herd so to speak based on their reactions. All those that nodded their heads, wrapped their arms around me, and showed understanding in their eyes stayed. All those that held to their beliefs that it would be too hard for me to live without a man were kicked off the island so to speak. I had to have supportive understanding people in my corner while I struggled with getting over him. Dating when i still hadnt learned to trust again was scary and irresponsible. I think trust is a necessary element in any good relationship. I know that I will rekindle those lost friendships in time. The stronger i get, the easier that becomes. I didn’t end those friendships in a mean way, I just asked them to understand I was going through some things and needed space. Do what feels right as long as it’s done in a respectful way.
Wishing you peace and support. Take your time.


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