Reply To: My story, I must be the worlds most gullible, confused idiot on the planet!



Again it overwhelms me when I see that someone responds to my insanity with compassion and validation! It has become so unfamiliar to receive words of encouragement and hope! I cannot begin to describe how destitute and alone I have allowed myself to get. I am so lonely for friendship, just enough to remind me that someone does know I’m still alive and really sees me would suffice. So let’s see, I completely suck at no contact. I almost feel I’m incapable! It drives me insane to not have the opportunity to tell him my truth and the script he has written for me couldn’t be further from my truth. We’ve been here so many times, I get the silent treatment atleast every other month. All following up on something I try to discuss about his treatment of me. Then here we go, I am the worst person to have ever took a breathe! Long story short, he responded to me tonight, via email reply for Father’s Day. He takes absolutely no ownership in his responsibility in anything, not an ounce of humility to begin to reflect on his part for change. Just consitant blame, projection and bullying. He says he is done, to leave him alone. I want to so bad! I could go on and on. I’m in the deepest despair, so confused how he can be completely different than he was just 3 weeks ago before I told him how much it hurt me he could be ok with me and the boys living in a Shelter. I insulted and hurt him by that. Anyway, I’m gonna try to rest and pray for god to remove this desire to reconcile with this sick man. It makes no sense, trauma bond is some powerful stuff!! Thanks again for my glimpse of compassion and empathy you guys have given me. Means a lot. I’ll shut up. Goodnight.

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