Reply To: Oxytoxin, trust and why we fall for psychopaths

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No contact and time will make triggers (e.g. great sex memories) fade. SP use sex and affection (e.g. cuddling) very strategically. They watch us to see what we like and use that to hook us in (can be cuddles, eye gazing, a bit of kink, or using certain terminology – e.g. my ex used to say “wife” as in “making love to my wife”, which was really a tool to keep me hooked in waiting for us to get married. Forgot to say he already was married to someone else, oops). He also insisted on holding me close for a very long time when we meet (we lived in different cities and did not see each other often initially). That I believe was deliberate also, to make me hooked.

In hindsight there were contradictions in his stories and some self disclosure in early days (“I was a womanizer and a sex addict, but I respect women. I have been playing the field but I am really choosy”). Commenting on sexual performances of his exes and comparing (at the time favourably) to me. I did not know what it meant so ignored his comments and was too hooked on his stories. Which started as a lengthy on line correspondence which felt so right that even before I met him in person, I felt I was preparing for a date with destiny. I’ve reread the early emails after we broke up and it is clear that he just mirrored anything I said back to me.

Mine was also a control freak – but would always pretend to be so fair and equal, I’d say a feminist.

We know their tricks now. We win indeed!

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