Reply To: is this real? how can it hurt so bad?



Hi 1for3

Your story sounds so familiar to mine. I’m a single mom of two and five years ago I started my bachelor degree when my girls were three. I got straight A’s until I met my guy.. Currently I’m doing my mastersdegree in anthropology with only a 6 months delay due to the psychological problems that arose while trying to get away from him. at a point, I could not read. As in not at all. I could not make sense of the words and I felt so lost. thats why I seeked help and found my therapist. He taught me how to “reset” my thoughts by using meditation and mindfullness-practices and slowly start to read my kids books for training my brain again. These techniques was my saving. I found my self-worth and intuition again. I kept my social circle really small since I was paranoid and did not trust anyone. But I found a stronger and more balanced person in me, than I had dared to hope for. Im sure you will find the same <3 because there is some good in surviving this.

“Reset technique”: sit down comfortably. Close your eyes. Take a deep breath through your nose and count to ten before releasing it just as slowly (10seconds). Do this 5 times. Then start focusing on your right hand. How does your hand feel? Maybe you dont feel anything in it? But maybe there is like a tickle, it feels like electricity for me. Then do the same with your left hand. “Feel” your hand. Then proceed to your feet and do the same with both of them, just recognize they are there and how they feel seperately.

Then when you have felt both your hands and feet seperately, have your eyes closed and “feel” them all at once. At this point I get SO relaxed. in the start the sensation only came for like a second but I still do this a lot. While standing in line, or watching tv or cooking or reading. It only takes me like 30 seconds and I feel relaxed and I get to CHOOOSE if I want to continue thinking about him or if I rather want to spend my time doing something else. Sometimes I give him some minutues but more and more often I choose to focus my energy on my kids, my studies or being nice to myself.

I dont know if this makes any sense? I also felt safe and it helped me reading other womens stories but I also needed some tools to get out of “the spin”, and this really helped me. And it gave me a sense of me back. My own sense of identity was fucked up for so long with him. But Im pleased to see that I didnt crumble by this, it made me much stronger, wiser and in a weird way, more loving <3 It has given me a lot of understanding and empathy.

You will make it through this! I know how the friend situation feels, but they most surely dont understand if they haven’t experienced it themselves. I was one of them before. Do things that gives you good energy. I have learned that I gain energy by giving energy to others. Like volunteering or cooking for someone, helping out strangers, being nice to others <3 And when I need a day off (which i still do and probably always will now and then), I give myself that space and I respect myself enough to listen to what my mind and body are telling me. The first couple of weeks after the breakup, I slept all the time and that helped as well. Get your basics in order, sleep, eat healthy, start working out. Do good for yourself and extend it to others when you feel ready. This has moved me forward and is what keeps me on the right path.

Loads of hugs and let us know how this proceeds, we are here with you!

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