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Reply To: The struggle of No Contact

#46095

Jan7
Participant

Hi Summertimesadness, Sending you huge hugs!! 💜💜💜 so glad you found this amazing site full of invaluable articles & support.

You can do a search up at the top right corner for specific articles. Also up at the top there are great videos by Donna Anderson (site creator) that are worth your time. Plus, on the Home page scroll down to the yellow box to have steps for healing and also at the top under “book store” you can find books on healing & also Donna’s books. If do do a search on the book title, Donna has post on the books. In addiction do a search on “mary ann glenn” she has free online counseling groups. She is excellent at breaking down what happened.

🎉CONGRATULATIONS 🎉on starting the No contact Rule. It’s not easy to impose this rule…but it is the ONLY way to have peace & calm in your life. Sociopaths will always try to boomerang back into your life so slamming the doors shut by educating yourself here at LF is the best way to forever keep him out of your life.

I’m so sorry that you have been dealing with this nightmare of sociopath for 3 years. Very sad to read that.

You state:

“I’m just so depleted by this cycle”

That is his goal!! If you are exhausted mentally & physically he then has full control & power over you.

What is the ultimate goal of a sociopath”

POWER & CONTROL.

I too, was utterly exhausted mentally, emotionally, spiritually & physically by me ex h, a sociopath (12 years nightmare marriage).

My health was horrible when I left. I was suffering from PTSD like most victims of a sociopath. No doubt you too. Getting your health back in order is essential to move forward.

Look into Adrenal fatigue symptoms on the net…here are a few sites that have good info

Adrenal fatigue. org

Dr Lam. com

Plus your local library may have their books or others on the subject. On another support site the site creater asked if anyone had health issue when with the sociopath. Over 400 victims stated YES!! And listed their symptoms = all Adrenal fatigue symptoms.

Here are a few symptoms (it’s a long list):

Racing mind
memory loss
mood swings
sleep issues
anxiety
depression
panic attacks
etc see full list on the sites above.

When you have a breakup with a normal person the body releases a large amount of cortisol and this will also cause a racing mine like you are experiencing now. But with a sociopathic relationship the victims cortisol levels are high everyday and then when you break it off they increase…it’s brutal to feel all these hormones at once after a discard.

It’s great that you are so educated & now asking more questions.

-How many times did you attempt NC?

This is tough to answer because I did not even want to date, move in or marry my ex h. He just keep pushing my boundaries.

During the marriage every day I wanted to leave him. About year 5 I found proof he was cheating with a co worker & I was done (they had a two year affair by then). I was leaving…started packing etc. Only to have him love bomb me back in. I dont think he ever ended things with is mistress. For the next 7 years it was worse and I tried to leave often. Part of the problem was I traveled weekly & that gave me time to leave only to be sucked back into his con game & mind games when I got home. My health plummeted. My self esteem plummeted because he pushed the blame on me & I too the blame because of health issues & low self esteem at that point.

At the end I drove 3000 miles away from him & only saw him in divorce court. I was lucky enough to find a counselor who was knowledgable in sociopath abuse and told me day 1 who I was dealing with. That was it I was done with the marriage. However, he attempted to hover me during the divorce & manipulate me. It was not until & blocked him from everything and in divorce court when he attempted to talk to me & walked away. Every time he attempted to contact me with long ranting blaming mind game emails I felt sick. And I was finally seeing what he was physically doing to me. SO this helped me to just end the physical & emotional pain he was causing along with his mind twisting.

You must just get to the point of blocking him knowing that he is pure evil and wants to destroy you with his words and possibly physically. I know my ex could easily murder me. So that makes you also realize that he is too dangerous for my mind, spirt & physically to even have a normal break up.

You ask:

How long into NC are you and how do you feel now?

It’s not easy to get back to “normal”. It’s a very slow process.

I would suggest that you google “Grieving stages” and read up on this. Ending a relationship with a sociopath is like someone has died. And your body will go thru the same “grieving stages” as a death. This helped me to be kind & patient with myself during the healing process.

Getting my health in order was a huge turning point for me. My Endocrinologist Doctor (doctor that deals with Adrenal fatigue) gave me Dr Wilson’s adrenal vitamins 4 times a day along with a Rx of natural progesterone hormone pills and within hours my anxiety was half & within weeks my mind was not racing (thinking about him) and I was able to breath again & have calm moments. I still cried, sobbed etc that I had been conned from day one. But it was a lot easier to deal with the divorce and just life in general.

When I first left I would literally sob for hours, when I though I had no more tears left, I would sob for more hours. Then one day..the crying stopped. It’s wild how our minds & body heal & know when to let go.

Every time I was sad, angry, crying, sobbing, I would come to Lovefraud & read & watch the video up at the top and that would literally help calm my mind. And more importantly it was opening my mind up from all of my ex’s mind control & brain washing (sociopath do these things exactly like a cult leader!!)

Hope this helps out. Keep asking questions, reading & venting. It is part of the healing process.

Hugs to you! 💜💜💜

Wishing you all the best. 🌺

Take care.


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