Reply To: The struggle of No Contact



Hi thirdtimelucky,

Thanks so much for the info and the reminder about the addiction aspect. It’s so easy to get caught up in the feelings and CD that you don’t stop to remind yourself this is an addiction. At least that’s what happens to me. After many sessions with my psychologist I just broke down and asked her if I was obsessed. She said “this is not an obsession, if it was we would be having a different conversation. This is very much and addiction”. Ive done a lot of work with her and shes done a lot of work with me and my negative self talk. I learned that once I get rid of the negative self talk, I don’t need him. It feeds the addiction. Unfortunately I still struggle with the negative self Talk but it’s greatly improved. Obviously there us more to an addiction than negative self talk but it plays a huge part.

I like your suggestion of taking this one day at a time. It’s so true. I actually wrote “one day at a time” on my mirror.

I get the “feeling rude about not responding” part! I almost feel mean not responding. Which is crap because after all wasn’t it “mean” how they treated us? It’s especially hard when they act all nice when texting or calling. I see through it yet I still melt and the CD kicks in and I always end up caving and replying and next thing I know I’m seeing him and being used for sex. Gross.

I’m glad you are feeling mostly better after 5 months! I have a friend around that mark too in NC and she is the same with you. Mostly good days but there are struggles. Keep it up, it can only get better.

What a long grueling journey this is. I agree we will never be who we were before this happened. We are more aware that there are disordered people out there wearing a mask. We are more guarded and are working on stronger boundaries. We have trauma and may be less trusting and more selfish about our own needs. I remember being in the thick of it and confused as hell, learning all I could through YouTube, websites, books, forums. Even emailing with HG Tudor. It was a dark time. I remember hearing people who were far into NC say that this was a gift. I’d get so mad at that statement. Now, even though I’ve struggled with NC, I’ve done a lot of work on myself and I can finally say this did happen for a reason and I am for the better now. I don’t want to be blind to being manipulated used and abused anymore. I finally am working on self love and self care and boundaries and it’s just amazing.

Stay strong in your NC, take those 5 months and run with them! 💜

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