Reply To: Another survivor– I think

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Dear Freefornow,

Thank you for sharing your story and congratulations on breaking free from the Narc. You are very lucky that you could subconsciously see the red flags, that’s why your relationship with him retreated into friendship and this is why you said no to his marriage proposal (which is very hard to do – we are conditioned by society to say yes, even if our gut instinct says no). Your story demonstrates yet again how important it is to listen to your gut.

The fact that his last girlfriend was willing to talk to you and share her experiences was very rare and again you are lucky this has happened. She is clearly a wise lady and learned from her prior experience, saw red flags and ended that relationship also.

Congratulations on going no contact with the Narc, you sound very strong and happy and doing great.

From your story it sounds like you are an extremely nurturing and giving person, this is what they prey on. Providing this man financial support over the years (free housing, meals, paying for activities) would have taken a toll on you, financially and emotionally. However it was an important lesson to learn, how to spot these men. Next time you will see it sooner and cut things off.

Your ex has very similar traits to my 2 exes: one was a covert Narc, then it was a sociopath (because I went from one to the other without taking time out of dating and reflecting on why I was making these choices.

if you can, please purchase a copy of Donna’s book on signs of love fraud (can buy it here on the website). It will give you a good blue print on how to proceed from here.

A lack of synergy between a narc’s representation of what he is and what you see. I had a similar experience with my exes where they were arrogant, felt superior to everyone, had the need to put friends and family down behind their backs. My last SP was always saying how much he hated his father yet could not wait to get his hands on the inheritance when his father passed away. The lifestyle for both was the opposite to what they represented themselves to be – professionally respected and successful.

Hopefully you can now recover and not get involved with a person like that again.

I hope the last girlfriend is doing well and is also stronger after this experience.

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