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Reply To: Another survivor– I think

#46161

freefornow
Participant

Yes, he went no contact with me once he saw how upset I was with his lies and manipulation at the end of our friendship/ relationship. I did ask him to not contact me, after I spoke to his then new now ex girlfriend I later decided to call him to talk. He had changed his phone number. I sent several emails– no response. Then I reached out to his girlfriend, and we started our correspondence. According to her he did not want to talk to me because it would end in being berated by me. He was probably right in that; especially at that time.
He was done with me and wanted no part of me as he had a new person to victimize. I was having trouble that a person I was very close with for 10 years could just shut me down. I understand now exactly how he could do that, because he never had any feelings for me in the first place.

A little story– we were late getting out of part of the Grand Canyon on a very hard hike, and it was getting dark. When we got on the rim it was full on dark, and with no moon yet getting to the car was not impossible but wouldn’t be easy. We both had headlamps. I knew that by following close to the rim we would pick up an old road that would take us to the car. Months earlier in the same area a hiker had disappeared and was presumed dead, in fact to this day has never been found. We kept an eye out during our hike but saw nothing that would be from this person. However it was bothering me and moreso our wandering around in the woods at night. My ex was an excellent outdoorsman/ routefinder and generally I deferred to him on getting us back to the car. This night he took off in a weird direction that I knew wasn’t the right way. I spoke to him about it, at first casually, then more forcefully, then panicked. If we went the wrong way even by daylight this could be a disaster in this big country, plateau with trees and little close landmarks other than canyons feeding into the big canyon. He told me to “shut up” and follow or go on my own. I started crying, I am not usually a cry baby for anything. I started to follow him against all my instincts, he was so far ahead I could barely see his headlamp and he would not wait for me. I stopped, started to move more toward the direction I felt we needed to go but still tried to keep his light in my peripheral vision. As I got to a hill right at the road he called to me he was on the road. He was pretty far below me. We got to the car and I was so upset I could not speak for a while.
He did not try to comfort me nor explain why he did what he did. Even after our trip no ” oh I am sorry you got upset” or anything. I really believe he would have left me, and if it would not have implicated him, he would have taken the car and gone on. Later, I told him that. He had no response, not even ” you are crazy”. That to me now is very telling how cold, cruel and indifferent a person can be.


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