Reply To: Another survivor– I think

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Make that ‘freeforever’! You sound like you are being very thoughtful about what you experienced, and you have a good head start toward healing.

It is baffling when the switch flips and they completely turn off toward you. I experienced the same thing, though my circumstances were a bit different than yours. It was like the whole experience- all the time, attention, travel, sex, etc…never happened. He was a blank. That was when I knew he was likely already mentally invested in some new target.

I found out later that indeed he was, 8 targets to be exact. His spin on this was that he was, and I am not kidding, testing to see if he was more attracted to me or to any of the 8 women he was sleeping with. Like we were brands of ketchup or something.

What is also interesting is that they are very good at wrapping up their behavior in different models of thinking and living. Like your guy pushing you to overcome your fears in the outdoors. Like he was helping you develop your confidence, when in fact the whole thing was just him playing the control game, seeing how far he could push you (maybe even to death, if you were that malleable).

Mine was all about pushing the social envelope around sexual identity and traditional relationships. Silly me I initially thought this made him more emotionally mature than me, when really it was just about being able to have sex with anyone at anytime he wanted.

He now leads workshops on spiritual evolution, self awareness through tantric sex, and poly-amory. People eat it up!

This is very painful to finally come to terms with, obviously.

But they really only see us as something useful, or by turns, not useful. Period. The rest of it is all a game, pretend, cat and mouse.

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