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Reply To: Processing reality

#46524

nmbr5
Participant

Thanks so much Jan, Stargazer, Slim and Sunnygal! Your advice, encouragement, and validation mean more than I can express. I will look up the articles and search for the information you mentioned.

Jan, you mentioned that there are most likely other victims. During my obsessive search on his phone, I had actually found a woman who was begging for him to make payments on the $1,200 loan she gave him. I asked him about it but he said he had no idea what I was talking about. Of course.

I’m learning the red flags that were present. He said he made $180k a year and owned multiple properties. The sex was unbelievable and got me attached quickly. I was upfront about wanting to wait to have children and asked him to use a condom, but he refused and admittedly tried to get me pregnant. I overlooked these actions because it felt amazing that someone wanted me to have their children and build a life with me. He moved into my apartment before I felt comfortable. (these are the boundaries that you talked about, Jan.) He also had a lot of crisis’ in his live. His “son” that wasn’t actually his child, supposedly had just recovered from Leukemia. His bank account got frozen by the IRS and he had no savings left. The stories were endless about how he was treated so bad by his family or that he was so great at his job that everyone loved him. I don’t know what is truth or lies, but some stuff seems like it may have been said for me to pity him and other stuff said for me to think he was so wonderful. I fell for it all completely.

I forgot to mention that Paul is still signed into his google account on my computer. This allows me to see not only his email, but his GPS phone location, everywhere he travels and when, his contacts, his pictures, his search history, etc. Initially, it was very helpful to know where he was and know that I wasn’t in danger. Though he has since traveled back to his home state, which is several states away from mine. I obsessively look at everything he’s doing. I see the porn sites he visits, the jobs he applies for, the loan he just applied for, the restaurants he eats at, the youtube videos he watches. He still has me listed in his contacts under “mi vida” which means ‘My Life’ in spanish – this still makes me feel special…but why do I even care anymore? It’s like I see him as two separate people – the person I thought he was and who he actually is – I’m having trouble merging these images. Right now, it appears that he’s visiting Samantha, which makes me want to cry and scream all at once. This stuff eats away at me and I keep trying to understand him and make sense of the everything that happened. Additionally, I don’t want to log out of his account because it may help me to get him served the protection order.

  • This reply was modified 3 months, 1 week ago by  nmbr5.
  • This reply was modified 3 months, 1 week ago by  nmbr5.

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