REGISTER | LOGIN

Reply To: Processing reality

#46541

Jan7
Participant

Nmbr5, you’re so welcome.🌷 so thankful that Donna & Terry started this wonderful site full of valuable information & support for all of us & also wrote a must read book called Lovefraud 10 signs you are dating a sociopath.

Part of the healing process, is seeing the Red Flags from the beginning of the relationship. You are making great strides in you healing process by seeing the truth about him from the day you met him. My ex h gave of Red flags the second I met him.

I read a study after leaving, that humans can determine if someone is trusty worth or not with in 3 SECONDS!! This is an inherent genetic survival trait in all of us, so we need to listen to our gut instinct instantly, whether with a person or a place, and never ever waver from our gut, even if we feel like walking away from a conversation but fear it would be rude, it’s best to walk away. It’s better to be safe then sorry.

Have you thought about contacting the woman that he owes $1200 to?? Maybe if you team up & go to the FBI with a fraud claim against this sociopath he can be stopped & deported so that he doesnt do it to a new vicim. She might also give some much needed closure as to how he conned her & you. Bet the stories are almost the same. Think about it. No pressure to do this what so ever to contact her.

With regards to you tracking him. My advise is to follow the No contact rule. It is very normal to want to find out what the sociopath is up to after you finally look behind his wizard of oz curtain to see the truth. However, this only keeps you emotionally bonded to this evil sociopath. He is renting space in your mind. You cant heal if you are keeping “tabs’ on him.

Guess what:

YOU KNOW WHAT HE IS UP TOO = CHEATING, LYING, MANIPULATING & CONNING PEOPLE OUT OF EVERYTHING SEX, MONEY, PLACE TO STAY ETC. Once you realize this, there is no need to track him.

When I first left my ex I looked at his social media account too. But it only made me upset. It only made my mind race more, made my stress level go thru the roof. To stop myself, I simple told myself “you know what he is up to = conning everyone”. This helped me to let go.

You state:

“He moved into my apartment before I felt comfortable. (these are the boundaries that you talked about..”

YES!! This is that natural gut instinct we are all born with!! Like a bird flying away when a person walks up towards the bird. We all need to listen to our emotions the instant we sense something is bothering us. That emotional = not feeling “comfortable” was your GUT ALARM going off!! Telling you to stop & think about what this mans agenda is & how he might be manipulating you.

My ex did the same thing, only he wanted me to move into his home to pay his mortgage because all his roommates moved out = because he was crazy! Of course I didnt know the that reason just his explanation of them moving out. So I did not listen to my gut alarm. I did not want to live when him, or marry him etc but he pushed my boundaries everyday to get what he wanted & to have power & control over me.

You state:

“He also had a lot of crisis’ in his live. His “son” that wasn’t actually his child, supposedly had just recovered from Leukemia. His bank account got frozen by the IRS and he had no savings left. The stories were endless about how he was treated so bad by his family or that he was so great at his job that everyone loved him.”

This is called “Sociopath Pity play manipulation” Look this up here at love fraud & on the net.

When my ex did this to me in the beginning of the relationship & thru out it would anger me. It would make me stop and question his behavior & his words. But with time he was able to control my thoughts & just give in to his demands. This is part of them training us just like a circus animal is trained. For the “reward” part they will use words or gifts or affection. IF that does not work to get their way they will use intimidation & fear. If that does not work to get what they want they use brain washing mind control, trance, hypnosis etc. (YES!! Sociopath will use trances & hypnosis to control us!! look this up on the net). So scary the lengths they will go to to control us & abuse us.

Please be very careful looking at his accounts as it might be illegal for you to do so.

Look into Adrenal fatigue symptoms. Most victims of a sociopath suffer from PTSD. You wanting to track him maybe related to your std as well as sociopath make us addicted to them. So you need to break the addiction. How do you do this? You must be consciously aware of your behavior & thoughts. Also finding a healthy new hobby to fill your time while you heal will help too. Such as a new hobby you have always wanted to do i.e. paint, sew, sports etc.

You should be very proud of yourself for escaping the grips of this evil sociopath! You should also be proud of yourself for researching & having the courage to post here & asking questions. You are doing great with your healing process.

Keep posting, venting & reading here at love fraud. It all helps to understand the hell you have endured.

Wishing you all the best!! 💜

Take care.

Ps. Google “Gavin Debecker Oprah You tube” to listen to their interview about listening to your gut. Gavin’s book is called the Gift of Fear (your local library may have it).

  • This reply was modified 3 months, 1 week ago by  Jan7.

Send this to a friend