Reply To: Is superstitiously ritualistic part of sociopathy?



Hi bhar, welcome to Lovefraud!

Your question is one I’d never heard before, so it’s an interesting one. In the end, I think your own wisdom provided the answer.

Naturally I’m sorry you had this disappointment from this man you hoped to marry. Of course you need to talk about him and to try to understand what “went wrong,” what you might have missed despite being an intelligent, educated professional woman. In fact I can only congratulate you for being smart enough to spot “red flags” from the beginning, and for stopping this “relationship” before it did you more serious damage. Anyone can be “taken in” so far. You stopped it before it got too far.

So what about your ex-lover? Who was he, and what was he “really” like? Was he a “sociopath”? He might very well have been. Certainly he was a liar! Or he might just have been a “player” who liked to keep several women on a string.

What does seem beyond all doubt is that he wanted to keep you “at a distance,” to stop you from finding out more of the truth about his life. That’s why he wouldn’t let you meet his friends, or “friend” you on his Facebook account. That’s why he didn’t want you to overhear his phone calls. If I understand you correctly, it sounds as though he only saw you at weekends. I’m betting that he had another woman or possibly several women he was seeing at the same time that he didn’t want you to know about. He might have kept condoms in his bag just as a precaution, but I’m betting he was using those with other women.

Was he after your money? Possibly, but not necessarily. Certainly his questions about investments and a joint bank account sounded highly suspicious, but my guess is that he was mostly in it for the sex and the company. If you had put money into an account with him he might have robbed you, but that would just be a bonus from his viewpoint. Perhaps he didn’t mind paying for trips with you because he had enough money of his own. Or perhaps he didn’t want to raise your suspicions by seeming to be after your money; who knows? Again, if you had married him he might have robbed you, but I don’t believe he ever intended to marry you. So you were wise to refuse any sharing of finances with him outside of marriage.

So what about these pendants and religious observances? I’m afraid I don’t know. You said you were “Asian,” but Asia is a big place with many different nations and cultures. It’s hard to know what’s common practice without even knowing what religion we’re talking about. Are you from India perhaps? I’m guessing this might be some Hindu ritual you’re talking about—or possibly Buddhist if you’re from somewhere else. Anyway I don’t suppose it makes much difference. I doubt if religious observance—or “superstition,” if you prefer—means anything one way or the other about whether someone is a sociopath or not. It’s simply a matter of personal belief, independent of other personality traits. It wouldn’t surprise me to hear of a psychopath carrying a rabbit’s foot in his pocket to “bring him luck” on his criminal enterprises, just as any ordinary person might do. So in the end I think you’re right: that “sociopaths come in all shapes,” just like the rest of us.

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