lf2

Reply To: Need you guys' opinion and advice

#46770

slimone
Participant

Hi toyasaya,

I do think he is a very disordered man, and here is what I think of his ‘good qualities’.

You wrote: My response is in CAPS.

On the other hand (these are things I have experienced myself)
• feels remorse – often talks about the bad things he did, about the people he hurt, told me all his bad deeds and the crimes he committed
THIS IS PART OF THE ‘PITY PLOY’, AND HOW THEY FOOL US INTO THINKING THAT THEY WILL CHANGE. IF THEY TELL YOU WHAT THEY DID, THEN YOU BELIEVE THEY WILL DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT IN THE FUTURE. THEY DON’T

• Feels guilt – sometimes his past life and current life get too much for him and he breaks down, frequently cries at night out of depression, frustration
ANOTHER PITY PLOY. HE JUST FEELS SORRY FOR HIMSELF, NOT FOR OTHERS. THIS MAKES YOU THINK, AGAIN, THAT HE HAS PERSONAL INSIGHT INTO HIS SHORT-COMINGS. HE DOESN’T

• Since he is a believer, he sometimes says he was damned and abandoned by God
THIS IS NARCISSISTIC TO THINK THAT GOD SINGLED HIM OUT FOR ABANDONEMENT. WHY WOULD GOD DO THAT? JUST ANOTHER PLOY TO MAKE YOU FEEL SORRY FOR HIM, AND KEEP GIVING HIM WHAT HE WANTS SO HE CAN FEEL BETTER. HE DOESN’T ACTUALLY FEEL BAD, HE IS MANIPULATING YOU.

• Feels empathy – is loving towards children (children of his sister), although he can be aggressive, he is not violent towards women or children, has never hurt me physically
MAYBE HE WOULD’NT PHYSICALLY HURT THEM, BUT THIS DOESN’T MEAN HE LOVES THEM. HE MAY VERY WELL FEEL THAT HE ‘OWNS’ THESE KIDS, ALONG WITH ANYONE ELSE IN HIS FAMILY WHO STILL SUPPORTS HIS BEHAVIORS. ACTING KIND IS NOT AN INDICATION OF EMPATHY. THEY ARE GOOD ACTORS. THEY ACT TO GET WHAT THEY WANT.

• He was with his sick uncle in the hospital day and night, who was suffering from cancer (died)
THEY ARE ALSO ATTRACTED TO HIGH DRAMA SITUATIONS. DEATH, DIVORCE, FOR EXAMPLE. IT GIVES THEM A TEMPORARY HIGH. ALSO, THEY CAN ACT LIKE THEY ARE DEEPLY CONCERNED AND DEVOTED, WHEN THEY REALLY AREN’T.

• Has problems with his father (father is disappointed with him), but a very good relationship with his mother, loves her over everything
I WOULD BE DISAPPOINTED IF HE WERE MY SON. OFTEN PARENTS ARE SPLIT ON HOW THE VIEW THEIR CHILDREN, ESPECIALLY IF THEY ARE DISORDERED. MANY TIMES ONE PARENT IS PITTED AGAINST THE OTHER, BY THE SOCIOPATH.

• Sometimes behaves like a scared little boy – have experienced twice, how he lay with his head in the lap of his mother for hours and cried because of the bad things in his life
THIS IS, AGAIN, A SIMPLE ACT TO GAIN SYMPATHY AND TO MAKE SURE HE HAS PEOPLE WHO WILL DO WHAT HE WANTS. HE WANTS HIS MOTHER TO BELIEVE HE HAS A HEART, IS SAD, AND NEEDS HER. HE IS ACTING LIKE A CHILD, BECAUSE IT GETS HIM THE ATTENTION HE CRAVES.
• Has suicidal thoughts – is frustrated himself by his life
HAVING SUICIDAL THOUGHTS IS LIKELY ANOTHER MANIPULATION TO GET EVERYONE TO FEEL SORRY FOR HIM. MOST SOCIOPATHS WILL ONLY KILL THEMSELVES IF THEY GET BACKED SO FAR INTO A CORNER THEY USE SUICIDE AS A FINAL ACT OF CONTROL. OR HE MAY HAVE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER. BORDERLINES ARE MORE PRONE TO SUICIDE.

EITHER WAY, THEY ARE BEST AVOIDED, DON’T CHANGE.

You have made the right decision to break it off. He sounds 100% disordered.


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