Reply To: N showing tremendous GUILT?



betrayedagain, I’m so sorry that you have been betrayed. Cheating is an absolute heartache…so is the emotional, mental, verbal abuse & manipulation that you are enduring. You should be so proud of yourself for researching for answers & having the courage to post. Both are not easy to do. Please also know, when it comes to a relationship with a sociopath, there are no short posts here at LF. So just vent it all out if you want to. It really does help to clear your mind.

Your gut is screaming that he is a narcissist and/or sociopath narcissist. BELIEVE your GUT INSTINCT!!!

Emilie18’s post is spot on. Narcissist will always “Narcissistic blame shifting” (do a search here at love fraud & on the net for this term) to make you feel like you are the bad guy. It’s also used to break down the self esteem of the victim, so that they can have full control over you, once again. In addition he is using “Narcissist pity play manipulation” (look this up here at LF & on the net) The ultimate goal of a narcissist or sociopath is to have POWER & CONTROL over their mates. Why? so you will not leave them & so that they can exploit you for what ever they want i.e. sex, money, etc

The gifts are ablsultely lovebombing. When a socipath gives gifts there are always strings attacted with the gifts. In this case, it seems like your husband is using the gifts to release endorphins in your brain to manipulate the situation. You are angry, hurt & want to leave him (all NORMAL response to being cheated on & abused!).

But, with the release of endorphins he is manipulating your brain from anger hurt etc to happy & elated again. This is masterful manipulation by sociopath!! He is twisting your mind around making a very bad situation in your marriage into a happy situation. IT IS NOT A HAPPY situation being cheated on nor abused. Most sociopath will do this very manipulation right after cheating or abusing their spouse.

My ex husband, a sociopoth, did this very thing when I too found out he had a two year affair and every time he abused me emotionally, mentally verbally etc. I had my suspicions that he was cheating but no proof & he too was using gas lighting and over evil manipulation tactics to twist my mind around from see the truth = he was cheating with a co worker.

If he is a sociopath he does not have a healthy functioning brain to feel remorse or guilt. If he is a sociopath he is ACTING…it’s all part of his con game. Sociopath will often have an Oscar worthy performance of crying, begging, sobbing, pretend remorse & guilt so that the vicim will not leave them…once they hook their vicim back into their con game this pretend act ends.

Look up the terms here at Lovefraud and on the net:

Love bombing
Blame shifting
Sociopath Smear Campaign
Sociopath triangulation
No contact rule

PLEASE KNOW THE MOST DANGEROUS TIME FOR A WOMAN IN A ABUSVIVE RELATIONSHIP IS WHEN SHE IS ABOUT TO LEAVE HER ABUSER. Please contact your National Domestic Violence hotline (USA 800-799-SAFE) and your local abuse center for an DOMESTIC ABUSE EXIT & SAFETY PLAN OUT OF YOUR MARRIAGE. Look up Domestic Abuse Exit & safety plan on the National Domestic Violence Hotline website and also on the net & you tube.

Be sure to CLEAR your history each time you research this info. If you do not feel safe using your home computer use a trusted friend or family members computer. Also your local library has computers you can use for free.

Please also, tell your most trusted friends & family what is going on and have them keep a journal of EVERYTHING you tell them including dates you told them. You should also keep a journal either hidden at your home or keep it at a friends, family or the local abuse center for your safety. The journals can be used in court.

WE HEAR YOU, WE BELEIVE YOU & WE ARE HERE FOR YOU. Keep posting, venting & asking question. We have all been where you are now & it really does help to have a support system with people that have been thru the nightmare of a sociopathic relationship.

Donna Anderson site creator of Lovefraud has a wonderful site full of valuable information for learning & healing. Up at the top under the Video tab there are excellent videos for free. Also look at the Home page YELLOW BOX section for more info. Look on the article section this week (Friday) and you will see Mary Ann Glenn’s post. She is a therapist who conducts FREE group sessions. So a search on Mary Ann Glenn here at LF. She is a incredibly informed therapist about sociopath abuse.

One of the ways of telling if you are in a abusive relationship is if you are confused about the relationship. Your post indicated that you are confused. I was too when I left my ex. He had messed with my mind so much I could not tell if I was the problem or he was. Thank goodness my counselor told me straight away I was dealing with a sociopath.

Google; “Oprah Gavin Debecker you tube” to watch their interview on listening to your gut. It is NEVER wrong. Your gut is screaming:

1) he is a narcissist or a sociopath narcissist

2) that you need to leave him

Listen to this strong gut reaction to your relationship.

If you go up to the top of Lovefraud click on the Book store tab to find Donna’s book Lovefraud 10 signs you are dating a sociopath. If you want to purchase it Have it sent to a trusted friends or family members home to educate yourself for your safety.

BIT YOUR TOUNGUE DAILY BEFORE YOU LEAVE YOUR HUSBAND. DO NOT GET AN ANY FIGHTS WITH HIM. Just keep telling yourself I am almost free when he starts to push your buttons. It’s not easy to do this but for your safety you need to follow this rule.


Wishing you all the best. 🌺

Take care. 🌺

  • This reply was modified 3 months, 2 weeks ago by  Jan7.

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