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Reply To: Getting past never receiving an apology

#46874

myjoy211
Participant

Hello.

My name is Linda and I’ve been in an on and off again again relationship for over ten years with a man whom I have only recently have come to believe has a profound personality disorder.. From what I’ve learned so far, it seems to be along the lines of.. Antisocial.. Sociopathic. Narcissistic?

Anyways it’s been a vicious cycle of misery and abuse and although I’ve gone no contact for years at a time.. We always seem to fall back into this nightmare relationship.

We recently got back together after over a year year apart( he went west.. I stayed east coast)

I had so much hope for the first time ever. Hes been clean for well over 12 months now.. Working.. helping me financially for the first time ever in our lives together.. Talking about being a family ( we have an 11 year old son). I allowed him to move in
again ( we have not lived together since our so. Was 3) and for the very first time things felt so good. Right.I was so happy…

But as we all know… the mask slowly started slipping..he’s incapable if naintaing this facade ( but was incredibly convincing)

Twice this past week he flew into a rage which ultimately resulted in him becoming physically violent towards me. The first incident was a trial run I guess as he was angry and and yelling in the car and out of nowhere back handed me hard in the face… Causing me to see stars.

The second incident was more familiar.. Flew into his rage and harassed me in our home for hours. Pushing. Threatening.. Pulling hair…screaming.. Calling me awful names. Taking my car keys.. My phone. Telling me to call the fucking cops. And .. Endlessly accusing me if being a liar. A cheat a whore.. Rehashing things from ten years ago. Restraining.. Spitting in my face breaking my things and leaving me covered in small cuts and bruises that won’t be noticed by most people.

Perhaps the next question from some might be.. Whh? What made him rage like that?.. Why was I being punished.. What could I possibly have done?

And this is the part of my story that is hardest for me to accept…that hurts way more than any of it.

He asked me to go into his phone to get a contact from from his Facebook account. His phone was broken and he was out west trying to get make arrangements to get back home. He gave me his login info and I used my lap top to access his messenger account as he asked. While searching for this friend’s info I came across a message he had sent to his brother bragging about the how chic he had Fucked this chic and even including a link to some of the porn videos she had starred in… He ended the message by saying ” don’t tell my wife 🤣🤣🤣🤣.. I was hurt.. But I always knew he was a cheater so I didn’t say anything back then. I did however wind up bringing it up but only because he was getting back into his old habit of calling me a liar and a whore..( all delusional made up stuff) . And going on and on about how he never lies and was completely devoted to me while apart..
I hit so fed up with his projections that I told him I knew what he had done.. Needless to say he was completely blind sided by thus as he is a master at manipulation and deceit… He couldn’t handle the idea that I had seen him for what he truly was..he had always made himself out to be the victim of exactly this behavior… While portraying him self as loyal and righteous… Honest.. Yea. Right

I was hurt my the lies more so than the affair. But he was not having any of that.

This is what I was being punished for… This was what justified his violence.

I had ” betrayed his trust by finding out.. I was a smoking cun$ and how could I have dine this to him…? He called it ‘the ultimate betrayl of trust
because he had needed me to do him a favor.. Wow..

He made it very clear I had I had nothing to be mad or upset about. That he did nothing wrong and that I was not deserving in any way of any kind of apology..

He has since continued to be angry at me for doing this to him ‘ and is already starting to believe his own lies actually making a point to tell me me how he isn’t a liarand a cheater like me.. Lol.. Must be nice in a sick way to be able to justify away away all responsibility.. And shame that the normal human being would be struggling with.

Thanks for listening. I’m so lonely in my secret life. I really need a support group..

Be well..

  • This reply was modified 2 weeks, 3 days ago by  myjoy211.

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