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Reply To: Getting past never receiving an apology

#46878

Jan7
Participant

Hi Myjoy211, Sending you huge hugs!! 💜💜💜

I was reading your post wondering if you are with my ex husband. It’s always shocking to read post that are very similar. I am so sorry that you are being abused physically, emotionally, mentally, verbally & finically by this evil man.

YOU DESERVE SO MUCH MORE THEN WHAT YOU ARE SETTLING FOR WITH THIS EVIL PERSON!! PLEASE KNOW THIS!!

So glad that you are researching his horrible behavior which lead you here to this wonderful site, Lovefraud. You are a strong person to have the courage to post your story here today. This is a huge step out of your toxic abusive relationship hon, please know this!!

The original term for these types of people was Morally insane (very telling term, much better then the new terms), then it was switched along the way to Sociopath & psychopath now the newest term is “Anti-sociol”.

My ex could not be alone…he always had a large group around…so the term “anti social” does not fit him what so ever…but Morally insane…fits him to a T.

Know that ALL sociopath & psychopaths are NARCISSIST also!!

So your assumption of your mate is correct. He is either a sociopath narcissist or a psychopath narcissist. Either way, you are in a dangerous situation. He has shown to you that he will physically harm you. In addition, all of the mental games he plays with you is JUST as harmful to your body, mind & spirit.

DO YOU KNOW THAT YOU ARE BEING ABUSED MENTALLY, EMOTIONALLY, VERBALLY, FINANCIALLY & PHYSICALLY?

Do you know that the bulk of domestic abuse is Emotional, verbal, mental & financial??

My ex only got physical a few times…he knew exactly how far to push that limit. However, the mind games he played that literally broke me down were daily…and ever never ending.

You state:

“Anyways it’s been a vicious cycle of misery and abuse and although I’ve gone no contact for years at a time.. We always seem to fall back into this nightmare relationship.”

They know exactly how to suck us back into their con game. They are masterful manipulators. They will use love bombing (positive words, loving words, gifts, touch etc), if that does not work they will use intimidation, if that does not work they will use name calling and other mental abuse to break our spirit down to make us feel like we will be alone & no one except this person will ever love us.

You state:

“…Talking about being a family ( we have an 11 year old son). I allowed him to move in
again ( we have not lived together since our so. Was 3) and for the very first time things felt so good. Right.I was so happy…”

This is part of their con game to get what they want from us. Your mate is no difference. This was part of the Love bombing stage. But sociopaths can not keep up the love bombing stage. They have no interest or capability to love. It’s all a con game. It’s all pretend. IT’s all used to get us back under their spell & grips.

google: POWER & CONTROL WHEEL

Read up on the cycle of abuse. It starts of honeymoon stage (love bombing stage), then tension building stage & then abuse. This cycle will be endless during a relationship with a sociopath. You are on a hamster wheel to no where ville. You & your son are just spinning around in this Cycle of abuse. The cycle of abuse can happened hundreds of times during a abusive relationship. The cycle can happen many times during one day.

I was in the same boat as you. Hoping “this time” after being abused he will learn from it and there would never be any kind of abuse again. I was wrong. I was just walking on egg shells everyday not to set him off…not to get abused over & over again.

It became a habit not only for him abusing me, but also a habit for me just to accept the abuse too. I knew that the “good” guy would come back. He must have had a “really bad day”, or “I did something” so I need to change my behavior so not to set him off.

I changed, but guess what the abuse still happened. I was constantly trying to do good for him. But I was continually mentally, emotionally abused. I had a light bulb moment during one of the last arguments we had. I tried to get away from him. As aways went to the bathroom. Shut the door only to have him (as always) push the door open. He sat on the tub, I put the toilet sit down & sat. I hide my phone so he would not break it (like he did another time). I was silent. He continued to yell at me trying to get me back under his spell (mind control).

I thought to my self in that bathroom that day “he’s going to be nice again soon just be patient”. That was a moment looking back that I knew there was a cycle that happened. I was not educated. But after leaving and reading the Power & control wheel…it all made scene. His behavior my acceptance of his behavior. Like you, my ex blocked me from leaving the home or using my phone. I too was stuck in the cycle of abuse and you are stuck right now in his cycle of abuse wheel. You are accepting his abuse because you know the honey moon stage subconsciously is coming…but guess what is also coming…the tension building & the abuse stage!!

Blocking you from leaving the home is his way of controlling you, so that the outside world (friends, family, neighbors) will not learn the truth. This is what your mate is doing to you when he blockades you from leaving the home.

Like you, my ex would push me up against the wall, press his nose to me, and scream at me like a drill sergeant. I could see his veins in his forehead fill up with blood. I would try to tune him out during these hour long abusive temper tantrums of his. If I tried to walk away he would either push me against the wall or one time he picked me up and threw me on the ground. I had to go to the emergency doctor.

I am glad that you see the truth with him. I am glad that you are asking for support. These are HUGE HUGE steps to leaving him for good!! You are no longer in denial…you no longer see that he will change.

I would highly recommend the following:

1) Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline (USA 800-799-SAFE) AND GO TO YOUR LOCAL ABUSE CENTER ASAP!!

to talk with a free counselor about a Domestic Abuse Exit & Safely plan out of this toxic abusive relations asap.

2) Look at the “Forum” column here on Lovefruad and join Mary Ann Glenn’s support FREE group online.

3) Do a search on Mary Ann Glenn here at Lovefraud

4) Read the YELLOW box tab here on Love Fraud home page.

5) Tell your most trusted friends & family what is going on in your relationship asap!!

Do not be ashamed or embarrassed. You are not the one doing the abusing so you have nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about. Ask your friends & family to come here to love fraud & educate themselves so that they know EXACTLY what you are dealing with and who you are dealing with.

Know that sociopaths will always create a “sociopath smear campaign” and also use “Sociopath smear campaign” against their mate, WHY? to prevent their mate from leaving…or if the mate has left…they will use these manipulate tactics to destroy the victims so that no one else finds out that they are a sociopath. Sociopath hate to be exposed to the world. Why? then their con game is up.

6) Do a search on the Net on “domestic abuse Exit & safety plan”. Also with the words you tube

BE SURE TO CLEAR YOUR COMPUTER HISTORY EACH TIME YOU USE YOUR COMPUTER!! THIS IS FOR YOUR SAFETY!!

7) Keep reading every thing here at love fraud to open your mind up from the brain washing & Mind control that your mate is doing to you. He is your cult leader & you are his cult follower. The more you read & analysis your relationship with this info..the more you open your mind up.

8) Read the books:

Lovefraud 10 signs you are dating a sociopath by Donna Anderson (Lovefruad site creator) see book store up of LF

One moms battle by Tina Swiften (do a search here on lovefrud for Tina and read Donna’s write up & videos with tina.

PLEASE KNOW YOU ARE NOT ALONE ANYMORE HON…WE HEAR YOU, WE BELIVE YOU & WE ARE HERE FOR YOU!!

KEEP REACHING OUT FOR HELP HON. Soon you will be free!!

sending huge Hugs to you!! 💜💜💜

Take care🌺🌺

(all write more later)

PLEASE KNOW THAT THE MOST DANGEROUS TIME FOR A WOMAN IN A ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP IS WHEN SHE IS EITHER ABOUT TO LEAVE OR HAS JUST LEFT.

Please get help from the National Domestic Violence Hotline & your local abuse center asap!!

Bit your tongue right now…DO NOT tell him what you are leaning from this site…this is for your safety…do not fight with him…you will never win a fight…if you need to vent…come here and vent what you would want to say to him.

Please know he will never change EVER!!


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