Reply To: I'm on Day 1 of No Contact – struggling..



@kristinan32 I’m so sorry you are going through this. There really is nobody on this earth that deserves it. I hope you find this community as supportive as I am finding it? I have a good support system of friends and family but in reality, what people on here are saying to me is far more meaningful at the moment because friends/family have not felt what we have felt, and there is a bit of a tendency to trivialise and distract when really I feel like what I’m trying to do and want to do is deal with the pain, acknowledge wha thas happened, and then move on from that trauma in a way that means it won’t come back to bite me – because it’s been dealt with.. so I hope you continue to speak to us the way I am trying to speak on here, and we can all help each other put ourselves back together after these monsters tried (!!) to destroy us, because we know they failed.

I understand how you feel about the nights. I felt that way until not that long ago. Now, I remind myself of the anxiety I felt every night i had plans with him and worried he might cancel or try and keep me out in bars so he could get drunk (he is definitely an alc..).. I remember the nights rolling over in bed crying because he’s said something hurtful and him turning his back on me and falling asleep without a second thought.. I remember feeling ever so lonely lying in a bed next to him.. I remember him then deciding to come and cuddle me, and me not being able to enjoy it or relax because although I was SO relieved about the litle breadcrumb of affection he was throwing my way, I knew it wouldn’t last, and I was already waiting, anxiety rising, for the next thing he would say or do to make sure I knew I was expendable… honestly – the nights are hard. Our brain chemicals play tricks on us when the sun sets. But try and do what I am doing, and remember every night of MISERY and crying and shouting you have probably had, like the rest of us… and feel relieved that in your own silence, in your own comfort, you are whole. You have survived the worst there is, and there is a lot better out there, and if you just read a book.. relax, close your eyes… tomorrow will come. And then again and again until eventually all this will feel like a distant memory. It’s what I remind myself of when I feel panic rising. No need to panic. What’s the worst that can happen in the night? Nothing 🙂 Noone to abuse you. Nobody to call you names. Nobody to gaslight you. No questions of fidelity. Nothing. Just silence, sweet lovely sleeping silence until the next love (and hopefully a good one) eventually walks into your life and makes those nights feel even fuller.

Please be hopeful. Don’t feel like you’re dying – it’s quite the opposite isn’t it? We were dying in those relationships. Now we’re being set free, standing outside our cages, going… how do I fly again..!? I honestly feel so hopeful reading people’s storys on here.. I hope you find that same hope. I am always here if you want to chat.

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