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Reply To: Anyone deal with depression after the break up & no contact period?

#47174

slimone
Participant

sbff8,

I can hear the anxiety in your post, and the overwhelming worry about the end result of this smear campaign. It has your system on ‘high alert’. This is a terrible cycle of anxiety and fear you are in. You CAN help break the cycle.

You have relayed the details of your situation several times, and each time it ‘sounds’ like you are continuing to ask ‘why’. Why did he do this? Why is she going along with it? This questioning is normal.

But the question is unanswerable in the way that you seem to long for it to be: Logically, with clear facts and intentions explained.

This isn’t how it works with these types of disordered individuals. The answer to why is STILL baffling, and gives minimal relief.

Because the ONLY answer to this question is: He has a personality disorder. That is it. There is no other answer that will give you peace of mind, closure, an ‘aha’ moment of relief, or release from your anxiety and worry. He is simply doing what he is hardwired to do: Manipulate, control, take advantage, get revenge, and basically be a slime bag.

The woman who is trolling you, and lying, is now under his spell. Like you used to be. He is using the world, and all the people in it, to his advantage. He is on perpetual survival mode, and has ZERO trust, respect, compassion, or love for anyone or anything. NO MATTER WHAT HE TOLD YOU IN THE PAST. It was all lies, and half truths to take you off the scent of his disordered mental state.

The woman who is now ‘working’ on his behalf is not telling the truth. You know this. Right? You know. The thing is, and this is important, you don’t have control over what the rest of the world chooses to believe. And, it is up to you to turn your attention away from them, and try to keep it firmly on your own truth, healing, life, health, and recovery.

I will say it again: The fact is that it is not likely that this ‘campaign’ will have a long lasting impact on you, or anyone. It will pass. It will end. It will be a moment in your life that you will one day talk about, without hurt, worry, or fear.

As a 57 year old woman (me) I have little use for social media, so don’t share your despair at being afraid to be on facebook, or whatever platform you use. Remember, there are a zillion lies on these social platforms. Zillions a day, a minute. People everywhere are being trolled, hurt, slandered, and stalked. LOTS of people. 99.999999999999999999% I don’t know. And, because I am an adult, have decent boundaries, respect other people, and don’t have much room for drama in my life, I don’t take at face value anything that is said about another person online.

Anyone who is choosing to believe the lies being told about you, IMO, are definitely not worth bothering with. They are letting themselves be swept up in something they know nothing about, and drawing false conclusions. You don’t need people who are willing to do that in your life. Let them go.

I am saying all of this because you do have some control in this situation. You can change the way you are thinking about this. You can take control over what you do with your time and attention. You can choose to educate yourself more and more, until the knowledge you gain makes you strong and feeling safe. Until the knowledge helps you step away, and stay away from all this drama.

Sincerely, Slim


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