Reply To: How to heal from a sociopath relationship when there's a kid involved? Help


David Mc Dermott MD


In your situation, information is vital. You need to learn how this man inserted himself into your life, what techniques he used to control your thinking, your emotions and your decision making. You must understand psychopaths and manipulation. Basically, to get him out of your head and out of your life, you have to understand how he go into your head.

When you know what techniques he was and is using to control you, why he chose those particular techniques, what effect they had on your thinking and your emotions, how they changed your beliefs and behaviors, only then will they lose their effect on you.

All this takes effort on your part. I know it’s not fair that you should have to work to get yourself better and he carries on abusing you and your son, but that’s the way things are right now.

Some things to keep in mind for you.

Any act of kindness on your part is seen as weakness by him. You can try all you like to be nice to him in the hope that he is reasonable back, and you will lose. You cannot negotiate with people like this. You have been trying to do that for years and it has never worked. You can stop trying. It’s a waste of time.

When you tell him what upsets you, he will do more of it. You don’t have to tell him that something upsets you, he already knows. That’s why he is doing it!!!

And you are right, you should not play. Right now you are playing by the rules of polite society and he is playing by his own rules. And remember that whoever makes the rules wins. You cannot win going on the way you are. Keep in mind that not only is he playing by rules that you are not aware of, he is also changing the rules without telling you, too. There is no way to win in such a situation.

The only way to come out on top here is to not play. To not be involved. But that means learning about how he is playing, his actions, motivations and undoing all the hot buttons that he has set up for you.

And you need to start teaching your son about what his dad is really like. At a very young age kids know that there is something wrong but they can’t make sense of it. Your job is to make sense of it for him. In that way he learns what that man is really like so he doesn’t fall under his influence.

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