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Reply To: How to heal from a sociopath relationship when there's a kid involved? Help

#47269

clairee
Participant

Hi Mummybear,

Firstly, I am so sorry you are going through this and I send you a big hug. I am in the same boat as you, I was fooled and exploited and now have two children with my disordered former partner. I have a little boy 3 and a half and a little girl 1 and a half.

I am going through the court process and it is NOT fun. The interim orders in place with the court give him access on the weekends. He has chosen to play kind caring and nice when I see him, with the occasional undermining comment thrown in, but generally this is followed, early in the week, by an email from my solicitor letting me know of the next nasty move he is making to grind me down, especially if it has looked like I am doing well or having a life on the weekends.

I am writing to you because the best way to get through this time is to go grey rock. Look it up, read as much about it as you can, this is the only way to be able to emotionally cope with the constant contact. Don’t start conversations, reply as briefly as possible to his questions, don’t talk about anything that isn’t related to your son, especially yourself and your wellbeing. Try to communicate about your son through emails or texts, not by talking face to face at pickup/dropoff.

Don’t react emotionally to anything he says. This includes hanging up on him with the phone – if you hang up he knows he got a reaction from you and he will keep doing that behaviour. Don’t talk to him on the phone. Don’t look him in the eyes.

Be a grey rock – give him nothing. Not only will this preserve your sanity, but this will shorten his game, as eventually, hopefully, he will get bored and find someone else to torture.

Document your sons behaviour for future court action. Write down anything that is odd or disturbing even if you cant work out what is happening. Patterns come out later. Write down all nasty comments by the father, or behaviours that are worrying.

Again, a big hug to you. This is the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life and it is exhausting and stressful. Be the best Mummy you can be – do the 30 day recovery course here on Lovefraud.com – it is the best medicine for you at this point. Make sure you find someone to talk to regularly about your journey.

Hope this is helpful to you,

Claire


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