Reply To: It's not my partner it's my brother



Hi Donna. Thank you for your reply. It pretty much confirms my own thoughts. About the only thing I doubt is that he actually married her to support him financially as he always thinks a highly paid job is just around the corner. He’s always been the eternal optimist in every situation and for a while he was lucky and a lot of things fell into his lap. After all, narcissists believe they are ‘special’ and it’s only what they deserve. That all changed about ten years ago and it’s been all downhill since then. Despite this I’m sure he still expects his luck to turn around in some ‘magical’ fashion. He just seems to live in a bubble and can’t or won’t face reality.

A couple of months ago I did speak to his wife and let her know she could ask me for help if she needed to, but I didn’t spell out my fears that he was disordered. Firstly I wasn’t 100% sure and I was worried it might all blow up in my face. In spite of my past experience, it still makes me feel crazy to discover yet another disordered person in my life. Besides, he knew I was going to speak to her so I had to tread carefully. I had to really press hard to even get her phone number out of him, which I had never had despite them being married for four years! He already accused me of ‘labelling’ people when I told him about Mum being a narcissist. He has always been reluctant to accept this. Do you think that is because he knows he is too? I always wonder if personality disordered people know they are disordered. Of course they would never seek a diagnosis or get any help even if they did.

I will try to speak to the wife again and see what I can do. It’s tricky because they both work shifts, so I never know when to call and catch her alone and able to talk. If he found out I was offering to help her to leave him it could get very ugly.

Anyway, thanks again for your advice.

  • This reply was modified 3 months, 3 weeks ago by  Fitzo.

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