Reply To: Split-personality sociopathic wife


Donna Andersen

Worn out – I am very sorry about your situation. It sounds very confusing.

People who are sociopaths can appear to have split personalities. They use the nice, sweet, charming personality in the beginning of the relationship in order to seduce you. Once they view you as “hooked,” committed to the relationship, they become mean, exploitative and manipulative. Then, if they sense that you are pulling away, they switch back to the sweet personality. They can continue to go back and forth between two seemingly different people. In my book – “Red Flags of Love Fraud – 10 signs you’re dating a sociopath” – one of the red flags is the Jekyl and Hyde personality.

The key to understand about this phenomenon is that the sweet personality is all an act. The mean personality is the true character.

So, does your wife have a split personality, or is she a sociopath?

Has your wife ever had any counseling? Did she get a diagnosis? If your wife refuses to go to counseling, I would take it as a warning sign that she is more of a sociopath than suffering from split personality. Someone who truly has split personality would be distressed by the condition and would want help with it. Sociopaths are not distressed by their disorder. Often they realize that they are different from regular people, but they view their difference as an advantage.

Do you have any evidence that she was actually abused while young? I’ve heard of many sociopaths who make up stories of abuse in order to make people feel sorry for them. Of course it could have happened; many people suffer abuse. But has anyone else backed up her story – perhaps other family members? One of the traits of sociopaths is that they lie. If she’s a sociopath, she could be lying about the story.

Regardless, this is not a marriage for you, it’s a project. Do you want to live the rest of your life the way you are now?

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