6 Red Flags You May Be Spending Time Around a Narcissist

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This topic contains 2 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  dirgegirl 1 year, 3 months ago.

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  • #43610


    Hello everyone,

    Here I’ll share my 6 red flags you may be spending time around a narcissist.

    1. The first red flag that you may be spending time around a narcissist is that they communicate with mixed messages all the time. Let’s start from the beginning: People with NPD do not know how to form human relationships. They do not know how to feel or experience and they do not know what love is. A person with narcissistic personality disorder lacks emotions (if any) and views people as objects (pretty close to psychopathic personality). Their form of communication is in idealization and devaluation cycles and to serve the false self, a projected image of themselves to receive narcissistic supply and “an adaptive reaction to pathological circumstances” (Vaknin 2015). A narcissist craves for attention because it is the basis of their false self, as their true self has been destroyed and forgotten from their early childhood. Because they are a shell and an empty vessel possessed by a false self, they crave constant attention and admiration like an insatiable drug addict. The false self devours their psyche and their true self is no where to be found within themselves. Their false self takes center stage and adjusts reality to meet its needs. Out of their interactional style, personality mirroring, and just because they don’t care, they naturally aim to disorient your ability to think straight. Their goal is to make you emotionally dysregulated and adrenalized and to serve the false self (and receive narcissistic supply). A narcissist wants to bring you into their reality tunnel and hollow out your senses, usually by death of a thousand cuts or “bleeding you out” over the long term. Mixed messages also involves gas-lighting.

    2. As aforementioned, an interactional style that involves idealization and devaluation cycles.

    3. Narcissists have what Sam Vaknin calls alloplastic defenses. They blame the world for everything. They are always upset at the world and have a constant victimhood mentality or a persecution complex.

    4. Narcissists use an excessive amount of guilt tripping and target other emotions like shame and fear because they know they are some of the most powerful emotions human beings have that influence our psychology.

    5. A staggering absence of remorse or accountability, which includes constant lying.

    6. Evidence of a highly abusive or traumatic childhood.

    In summary, 6 red flags you may be spending time around a narcissist are

    -Mixed messages
    -Idealization and devaluation cycles
    -Alloplastic defenses
    -Excessive guilt tripping
    -A staggering absence of remorse or accountability
    -Evidence of a traumatic childhood

    This was part of a blog post I just made, for the full post go to here:

    • This topic was modified 1 year, 3 months ago by  glenwillson.
  • #43616


    Definite absence of remorse.

  • #43724


    Dang…you just summed up my ex in that short list…all of those apply. I am two years removed and just now finding myself again. I try to not feel like I wasted several years of my life, I am trying to look at it as a learning opportunity. I definitely know much more about narcissists than I ever did or wanted to!

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