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soulsurvivor

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  • in reply to: Complete and Utter Disbelief – A Psychopathic Experience #47369

    soulsurvivor
    Participant

    I agree with Jan7 100%.

    Block, block, block. Block your phone, block your facebook, instagram, whatever it is. Take back your power. If you’re having a weak day and want to reach out, come back to this blog and realize that she’s TOYING with you.

    You’ve become a toy.
    A game to pass the time.
    It’s fun toying with you….

    But, HOW DARE SHE! You deserve respect, love, and peace in your life. You’re a good person who loves and feels true emotions. She’s an empty shell, a tortured person who has been using you. There’s no love with someone like that. Not now, not ever, not with ANYONE….not even her boyfriend. Not the next guy. She will destroy whomever it is.

    My formal relationship with the sociopath ended 4 years ago…and he would randomly text me via instagram every 3-6 months…I ignored them because I received my closure when I realized that he is a sociopath and will destroy EVERYONE’s life that he encounters. He almost destroyed mine. I almost lost EVERYTHING that I worked very hard for, while he chased his next entertainment without even a goodbye.

    Recently, due to health reasons and because I can’t stand being in conflict with anyone, I thought to reach out and close things formally with him…rather than ignore his contact attempts.

    What a mistake. I felt like an alcoholic that had her first relapse drink. I was an addict all over again. I didn’t see him….thought I had control of the text conversation, but he was able to manipulate OVER THE PHONE. I quickly realized that I was one of Pavlov’s dogs who had been conditioned to salivate after hearing a bell. I had been conditioned. When I didn’t get a text for over a week, I would wait for it (and he knew this, it was his game, he was calling the shots), and I was conditioned to wait and yearn for a crumb, a spec, whatever it is that he was offering. After talking to my best friend, I went COMPLETE NO CONTACT. I never wanted to block him so that I too could leave the door open. But…

    I’m an addict. I’m conditioned by him. This isn’t a normal person, so I took back my power. I blocked him in every way possible and won’t commit No Contact suicide (i.e., breaking no contact). It’s not healthy. They’re not normal, and never will love.

    My advice is— ALWAYS FORWARD. Close that door and be thankful that you got out. Move forward, for you and your children. You need to heal, and there’s no better time than now.

    • This reply was modified 2 months, 4 weeks ago by  soulsurvivor.
  • in reply to: A mother's pain #47325

    soulsurvivor
    Participant

    There were a few things that stand out when I think about the fog and haze brought upon by the sociopath that I was involved with. My best friend’s words would creep in and eventually, I began to see the light. You see, the gradual conditioning by them is a brainwashing and manipulation game that we never saw coming…and I still can’t believe the level of psychological manipulation. (My sociopath wasn’t even SMART, NOT AT ALL, but he mastered how to train and manipulate someone’s brain so they were almost begging for whatever it is that person craved.)

    Here are a few things that my best friend kept repeating that “STUCK” with me through the end:
    –His words are not backed by any of his actions. Words are just words. Anyone can tell you that they love you
    –I’m struck by how your feelings for him are driven by how he makes you FEEL, rather than anything about HIM as a person. It’s all about ‘HOW HE makes YOU feel”
    –You are taking all the risks. He has NOTHING to lose and EVERYTHING to gain
    –He’s toying with you. That’s not love

    • This reply was modified 3 months, 1 week ago by  soulsurvivor.
  • in reply to: Could it all have been just an illusion of mine? #47204

    soulsurvivor
    Participant

    I agree that he likely has a personality disorder. The semblance of a connection, friendship, and long-distance relationship was likely an illusion. Looks like he might have been intrigued by your online social media presence and needed some help with next steps in his life. (You were a shiny new ball and he wanted in!)

    Be happy that you found out his true intentions without getting sucked into the physical component which would leave longer lasting emotional and trauma bonds. Focus on your life and bettering yourself. Be weary of any future contact with him or anyone who wants to move your relationship along too quickly.

  • in reply to: I'm on Day 1 of No Contact – struggling.. #47165

    soulsurvivor
    Participant

    Virgii, your story sounds like my nightmare….I am married with small children and he targeted me at a difficult period in my marriage when I was feeling neglected and alone. The magnetism of his eyes when he looked at me was unmistakable. It was like a tiger ready to hunt his prey. I was thirsty and he quenched my thirst. The attention, the excitement, the sex, the EVERYTHING was like nothing that I ever experienced…even to this day. However, it was an affair…set in a fantasy. Nothing was real. The whole premise of the affair had no groundings or stress imposed by real life. It was an escape…a temporary escape from reality.

    I had devised a plan to leave my husband, including renting a flat where I spent most of my days but returned to my children in the evenings. My thoughts were torn between being with whom I thought was “the love of my life” and staying with my husband for the sake of my children. The red flags were there all along, however I chose to ignore them believing that he loved me. The biggest moment of truth came when my husband discovered our affair, and my socio told me to “LIE.” How could my knight be such a coward? Shouldn’t he be willing to fight for me, for OUR LOVE? He continued to encourage me to take steps in leaving my husband, all the while his life remained the exact same. I was slowly ruining what I had worked so hard to build while he continued to “support me” in the shadows.

    My worst fear was realized in a movie…Anna Karenina. I had never seen it previously, but somehow, through divine intervention, I saw that movie on a plane ride and realized I was getting played. (If you haven’t seen it, Anna is married with kids, has an affair, leaves her husband for her lover, and her lover leaves her). It spoke to me. When I returned from that trip, he was different, more aloof and I realized it was a love scam. I ask him if there was someone else. “No,” he tells me. Not even 2 weeks later, another woman appears on his social media. Whether it was intuition or divine intervention, I got out. I left him a voicemail about his lies and never heard back from him….

    I reached out to him once to wish him a happy birthday (2 months later) and didn’t receive a response. After that I really went NO CONTACT. It was hard for me….I refused to give him that satisfaction. There was my pride. There was my complete loss of innocence and trust in the humanity. How did these people exist and get away with this garbage? How did I become someone’s short term thrill? He got off on messing with a married woman…how many other wives did he covet or seek to covet? There was my disbelief that this happened to me. There was shame in my gullibility. There was relief that it was over and I could pick up the pieces of my marriage and move on.

    Except, he came back. A year and a half later….for some more fun. I didn’t give in. He kept randomly reaching out via text. I didn’t take the bait. I forgave myself and him for everything that happened. I needed that poison (and anger) out of my life. But, I didn’t take the bait for several years. Recently, I tried to reconcile with him, and he obviously wanted another taste of our physical connection. I called his personality disorder out, and he didn’t deny it. Via text, he explicitly confessed that he craved the excitement of being with me and “wanted to ____ me” but I’m not that woman anymore. I know this trick. I’ve seen it before. I sleep well at night now. I have self-love, respect and am worth more than some cheap thrills. He almost ruined me once and I will not allow that to EVER happen again at his hands.

    So, I blocked him. I have complete power and no intention of going there. They don’t change. They will destroy any woman or relationship. Nothing will make them happy.

    Take action to fix yourself and do whatever makes you happy. Find love within yourself and try to understand whether you’re ready and/or willing to give your husband EVERY ounce of you. Go to couple therapy. It takes time to recover from these experiences, but DO NOT give the socio the power that stunts your happiness. Do not reach out to him. Don’t be fooled if he reaches out to you. He only uses people. Don’t let your ego take over and think that you’re somehow special to him, because he’s got 5 other “special someones” on the side. Embrace the quiet after the storm. Let the anger subside, but maintain your strength. Forgive yourself, forgive him, but never forget.
    There is healing in finding that peace. The best revenge is living a good and happy life.

    • This reply was modified 3 months, 3 weeks ago by  soulsurvivor.
  • in reply to: Routine Hoovering #41369

    soulsurvivor
    Participant

    Thanks Madelaine. Gosh, I very much believe this line–“You are just another name on his list of “things to do on a rainy afternoon”. How pathetic! A normal empath would understand the harm that they caused to someone’s life and not contact that person ever again- that’s what a decent human being does! Not with these leeches!

    Unfortunately, there are some mutual friendships in the periphery that I sometimes hear about things related to him. Luckily, it’s in the periphery and not a routine occurrence. His hoovering may also be the result of a recent interaction with one of these individuals, which may trigger these random texts.

    I also loved this comment- “Every time he tries to contact you he is whining like a 3 year old “I am needy…. I am bored”. How true is that?! I said as much in one of my one liner’s back to him. Bored or giving his latest the silent treatment…

    Best wishes to you and thanks for responding!

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