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By September 23, 2011 15 Comments Read More →

From cheating to murder

Marie Steward discovered that Andrew Lindo, her fiance and father of their children, was cheating on her. Lindo stabbed and strangled her, hid her body in their garage, and told the family that she’d left him for another man. Lindo was convicted in the UK and sentenced to 22 years in prison.

Read This monster who took my daughter’s life: Victim’s father attacks cheating killer who beat his daughter to death on DailyMail.co.uk.

Link supplied by a Lovefraud reader.

Posted in: Laws and courts

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15 Comments on "From cheating to murder"

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I think this article is a PERFECT EXAMPLE of how we (victims and the “public”) TRIVALIZE the possible actions of the psychopaths and are not giving them enough credit about just HOW DANGEROUS THEY ARE. Of course not EVERY psychopath is a killer, but I think any of them can be “driven” to the brink of narcissistic injury where they are very CAPABLE of doing so. This woman probably had no idea just how much she “injured” her husband by finding out he was a cheat…she may have threatened to leave him or bankrupt him in a divorce, but whatever she did, it pushed him over the brink to think that killing her was a “viable option” and without impulse control…he carried out that act.

We must, I think, keep in mind just how dangerous a person can become when they are “injured”—especially psychopaths. Trying to convince ourselves that they are not dangerous may “soothe” us somewhat, but it isn’t necessarily true, as this woman found out to her regret by her own death.

We must respect the rattle snake for the potential it has to bite us, we must respect the psychopath as well as a dangerous animal.

Agree Oxy, they are very dangerous especially when confronted.

This spath used the pity me ploy of ‘my fiancée has ran of with another man and abandoned the children’ ..gosh I wonder where I have heard that old chestnut before ….ah yes the ex husband spath, used that ‘woe is me’ tactic on women on the internet ..ho hum!

Of course when this pathetic excuse of a man, was caught he did what all spaths do ..blacken her name and make out the mother of his children was cruel to her own daughter, so of course he had to stop her ..by .. beating, suffocating and stabbing her to death. He may have got a minimum of 22 years but the children and her family have a life sentence.

Being UK ‘justice’ he’ll be out in less than 10 years on appeal!

Wouldn’t it be nice if we had public service announcements (on t.v., in print, etc.) about antisocials, sociopaths, psychopaths – how to recognize them and avoid them, having it drummed into our collective consciousness. If we could spot the signs in a person, then we would know who to steer clear of (and who to ditch). This is another tragic story of a young woman who paid the ultimate price being involved with a disordered person – her life. I wonder, if she had known that her fiancee was a spath, would this key information have helped her, enabling her to figure out a good solution for her own life situation?

Bluejay,

That is the “64 thousand dollar question”—-I too was WARNED by people when they knew I was involved with a psychopathic boss and again when I was involved with a psychopathic business parther—they didn’t use the word “psychopath” though, but did tell me DO NOT TRUST THIS PERSON, YOU ARE MAKING A MISTAKE TO DEAL WITH THEM…I was pretty narcissistic and I thought “Oh, I’m smarter than that, I’m in no danger” and I kept on dealing with the business partner and I took the job working for the psychopath—both times the people who warned me were 100% on target, but I did not listen. I thought I “knew more, knew better” but I was WRONG.

So when I WARNED OTHERS about my psychopathic Trojan Horse and the P-son, and the P-daughter-in-law, NO ONE LISTENED UNTIL IT WAS TOO LATE, and my egg donor STILL doesn’t listen even though it was proven beyond a doubt that he tried to have me murdered.

Naw, I have no confidence that she would have listened, because we tend to HEAR WHAT WE WANT TO HEAR, and we do NOT want to hear that someone we care for is a HOPELESS PSYCHOPATH/TOXIC/BAD etc. So we discard as untrue what we don’t want to believe.

I think it is only (and only then some of the time) if we are educated BEFORE we get hooked by someone that we might MIGHT listen….it is proven that 85% of women who are BEATEN by their husbands go back to them. So, I think we who have escaped are only part of the 15% who do break free, but even still a large (I think) proportion of us go on to pick ANOTHER PSYCHOPATH, so I think those of us who get free and STAY FREE is pretty low. Something to think about.

Oh Oxy your statistics just freaked me out…

Speaking of difficult odds, there was a woman who posted here several months ago named “Patti.”(Are you still there, Patti???) I don’t know where your old posts are, but I recall from memory the main details of your situation, such as your husband beating you and doing obscene things like leaving you at restaurants and football games, etc. (and making you walk home by yourself…..)

Again, I’m basing this on memory, but I believe you said you had to wait till September before you could leave him, as it was first necessary to get your finances in order. So I just wanted to say that you’ve been on my mind lately, and I keep waiting to see a post from you, saying, “Well, guys, I left the bastard!”

As you can see from Oxy’s post, the statistics are technically against this happening. But 15% doesn’t equal impossible, Patti! – and I’m keeping my fingers crossed that you’ll prove to be one of the brave souls who defies the odds.

Your story has stuck with me because it was so egregious, and because you seemed like a such a nice lady. I realize that this is probably a long shot, but on the off chance that you see this, I just wanted to tell you that you haven’t been forgotton, and that on some level you must know that leaving him is still the only option you have left. The behavior you described stands out very much as that of a psychopath – which means that this guy is almost certainly irredeemable. That being so – and as you are no doubt intimately aware – there can never be a good, genuine, or happy life while remaining in thrall to such a person.

As I said, I’ve been waiting to hear some good news from you! And September is technically not over yet, so you still have time to keep to your earlier resolution! (Though, admittedly, “late” in this case is still infinitely better than “never”!) Be that as it may, I just wanted to wish you well and tell you that your story resonated with me. And even if there is only a 15% chance of this coming to pass, I’ve always had a thing for the underdog! In short, I’m very much rooting for you, Patti.

Best of luck.

C.

C – That is very telling of what kind of good person you are – the post above to Patti.
When my xspath bf was living with me I had moment’s of pure fear, like when you get that prickly tingling feeling that you are in the presence of evil , he didnt have to say anything to provoke these feeling’s, he could walk in the door with a smile, but the room went cold….
…… even with my broken heart and dashed dreams somehow I know I escaped from evil’s grip…for many many months after he left I was hypervigilant that he would return and carry out one of his many threats.. I am fortunate that he has moved on and I am doing well again….

Thanks Hens!

Yes, “hypervigilance” is something that most of us can identify with. (And I’m starting to think that that part never goes away!) However, since my spath was a wimpy little “soccer mom,” I never had the fear of physical violence. For that matter, I was actually sort of hoping that the husband would come and shoot me when he found out! – but like I’ve stated before, he turned out to be a pretty nice fellow.

But the “prickly sensation” one feels in the presence of pure evil – that part I can very much relate to, Hens.

Wow, the content on this page is what I am freaking out about before seeing this! Of course, I know, from watching Lifetime movies, that this stuff really happens. My new husband’s ex is a -path, and has been threatening him lately [over nothing, in my eyes only illustrating her imbalance]. Though, lately too due to her instability perhaps, I feel totally nervous, ensuring I always have all doors locked, watching my rear-view mirror etc. She uses everyone to the extent her new husband (ex boss) is now writing my husband to ask him to “make it stop” regarding some notes she and I exchanged trying to find some nights one kid could do an activity she’d had in mind — of course no go from unstable mom. The guy was urged by -path to threaten legal action against me, and I’m like for what, noting she doesn’t want the kid to do this activity? (The harshest of my comments to her.)

And a newer fright: the 9-y-o kid in question with these notes who already shows a disconcerting number of -path traits recently said, calmly as you please, how you need to position your hands on someone’s neck to strangle them. I asked how they knew this, they said from movies. I asked, “So, you’ve been watching these carefully?” “Yes.”Question is, it took me so aback I couldn’t respond then. How seriously do you take such a question. Next day, of course, I see something on TV about a 10-y-o strangler in Britain. Great!

But I do take this seriously. Typing this today, I can imagine that talking to that kid about how [at least] it’s mean to strangle people but… I feel like I am on another planet, and don’t know what all to do. And Dad doesn’t think it’s ANYthing to worry about. Of course, hearing this from the kid also has me thinking about things his ex/-path could end up doing to me, too. The husband -is- coming around when I see manipulation from his ex -path, but he’s not as clearly there I as I am, yet. He did confront her with her lies recently, which, well, who knows what will happen next. Of course she lied in response.

I’m trying to recommend he ‘grey stone’ her. He teared up after she [lied] an “I’m sorry” as he went over her lies. Gross. All of this stuff is so unreal to me, and I wasn’t warned about this prior to marrying him… In spite of his acknowledging my letting him know when I see her lies at this point, he’s not out enough to as quickly recognize them himself and still is bamboozled by her too often. I am still very, very nervous.

I am very, very lucky in that my one new friend here (just moved for this marriage) had a mom like this, so she is a good ally for me. Thank GOODNESS she is here.

Always exciting, as if living in a movie, with this presence, but it does NOT make me feel comfortable.

You have to be stronger. You either let her control your life or you control your life. My husband was unaware of what his ex wife was. He was in denial that he shared one child and adopted her illegitimate other child ”“ an now that reality has set in he realizes he has to have some sort of interaction with her because of it. Which he realizes any interaction with her is wasteful since she is so malicious and hateful. The children are older now and he only communicates thru them. She is to crazy and delusional to even talk with. She still sends him text msg after text msg. Sometimes he reads them and sometimes he deletes them. They are all lies. Like the time she told him his daughter had a lump on her breast, and it was cancer and was having surgery that following Tuesday. Well no surgery. No lump. Just lies in order to get a response from him. He realized how desperate she was and he has completely cut contact with her. He is still a great father and gets his children and communicates with them daily. The kids told us that they didn’t tell their mother that they talk with us or him everyday because she hated me so much- they knew it would upset her and cause problems for us. So I believe I am the lucky few who got some step kids with common sense and the ability to see thru her craziness and the emotional intelligence to how to handle their very crazy mom. They know she has spread lies and rumors. They have told us that she doesn’t get along with her mother or sister. And that she has drama with everyone. My stepson told me at the beginning of the school year that she lied all the time (I already knew that! Glad he sees it too). She is just so crazy. If you ignore her and detach you will come out the better person with you sanity still in tact. My husbands ex wife has done so many manipulative things that everyone has turned against her. And she has no one but her geriatric husband who is always at the strip bar…

Dear Newstepmom,

Her goal I think, as with many personality disordered people, is CONTROL and MANIPULATION and DRAMA=”excitement”—- so I think you are in for the RIDE OF YOUR LIFE as you watch her destroy your step children, and destroy the peace in your life as well, and if she is able she will break up your marriage or make it miserable. WHY? Because she can and it is a CHALLENGE that SHE has nothing to lose and “everything to gain.” You have EVERYTHING to LOSE and nothing to gain in the relationship with her, and because of the kids, your husband is tied to HER emotionally and legally until the kids are 18, and then emotionally forever. Even if he HATES HER,, and SEES THROUGH her, there is no way to untangle the relationship because she will use the KIDS TO HURT HIM (and you).

Yep, you were NOT WARNED so you fell into this trap because you fell in love with a man who had a “serious disease” and you didn’t know it when you married him, and I think, HE didn’t recognize what he had was a SERIOUS “DISEASE.”

Psychopaths spread their pain like a contagion of disease to anyone they come into contact with. Welcome to our world! Sorry you got “infected.” It is a chronic disease in cases like yours where you are attached trying to save the kids from the “disease” being fatal to them, and to your marriage. It will require hard work on your part and some bit of luck. My prayers for you and your family. (((hugs)))

Everything you said ox is so true. I’m in that situation. But I have learned to detach and disengage and luckily my husband is the greatest kindest man in the world. He just got trapped by a sociopath. And I think she may have brain washed him. He didnt know what a healthy loving and giving relationship was. He was always trying to give give give and do do do everything for me like he did with the ex. It wasnt normal, tho sweet. Now we are on the same page and he has been able to let go of feeling he has to “do it all” and we work together as a team. Things aren’t perfect but nothing is. But together we are able to not take the sociopaths bait and work as a team. There is hope…

I wanted to post that if you are on this site and you are truly dealing with a Sociopath, never tell anyone else you are getting help from this wonderful site. I have not told a single person I am on this site. No ex’s. Not a single relative. Not a current ex who is a friend. No one. If people are stalking you, never let them know what sites you visit and never stalk them in return.

I like to talk to some family and a couple of friends. But, none of them know I am here. And, if they stalked me to here by somehow having access to my IP address or what I type on my computer, I would be the earliest member here, so they would be new and prove that they were stalking me here. That is how I see safety in keeping my secrets when dealing with potential sociopaths or stalkers or even nosy people who might be curious to see what I write here. I don’t want that and I hope no one else here wants that either. In my opinion, lovefraud should be our secret.

Self protection is our watchword, fightsie. Absolutely. No ” outing” sociopaths is permitted here by Donna and that is as it should be. The community works together here to protect its members fortunately. And I agree that victims need to protectthemselves by not revealing to their abusers or mutual contacts that they are member of any site which exists to support victims of abusive relationships.

Hi Lightsie,

Yes, that is true and I am glad to be on this site.

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