From paradise to starvation

With her life’s savings of £200,000, Virginia Owen set out to live her dream in the Dominican Republic. There she fell in love with a charming Swedish expat named Hans Michel Magnusson. Four years later, still sharing an apartment with Magnusson, she died of starvation.

Read How could this greedy charmer let our daughter starve to death? in

Read Why did well-off divorcee Virginia Owen, who headed to the Caribbean to start a new life, die in penniless squalor? in

Story suggested by a Lovefraud reader.

Posted in: Media sociopaths

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90 Comments on "From paradise to starvation"

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Never give up in life…..NEVER give up!!!!

I understand the medical fears and reality….unfortunately very well…..

Control over our lives does give us peace…..

What you write about pity parties is so true….
I’m reality/solution based……and the times I’ve had my pity parties….I chose to….because I didn’t want to research, find and answer or sometimes I just didn’t want to think about it and just sink in to tears.
It was actually my way of making it all real…..feeling it in the end. (after the tears and whoa me was done)…..and each party I threw for myself…..I was well aware of what I was doing….and didn’t invite many guests! 🙂

I truely believe there is a lesson in everything……but sometimes i just get sick and tired of looking for that lesson! I just want to ‘be’.

Your a strong woman Katy…….keep finding a way!

Dear Katy, I hope you are wrong about your life ending anytime soon, you deserve to have some peace in your life now that you are free of the psychopath…unfortunately the evil that they do lives on in those people they have touched.

None of us really knows if we have a tomorrow–people die in car wrecks, heart attacks, get cancer, have strokes….airplane crashes (in my husband’s case) and there is NO guarentee that we will live another 30 minutes, 30 days or 30 years. My wonderful stepfather was diagnosed with cancer and given 4 months to live, by the grace of God and some good nursing and medical care (which I provided out of love for this wonderful man who made me his own) he lived, and I mean LIVED 18 months of good time, and we enjoyed it together and had some of the BEST quality time together that we had ever had, and I came to appreciate him in a way I never had done before, and to realize that he loved me so very much. He strengthened by spiritual walk with God, and my self esteem and we LIVED that 18 months….he didn’t just “wait to die” he LIVED, and that was a great example to not only me, but to everyone around him and to his friends and the community.

Even now, 6 years later, I have a wonderful “relationship” with him, and he is i n my HEART in such a wonderful way that if he had not been ill that 18 months I might not have had. Even in a time when he was going through his own grieving process about giving up a life he loved and leaving people he loved, he GAVE comfort to others. Sometimes he visits me in my dreams (I don’t mean supernaturally) but it is like I have a question and wonder what to do and in my dream he and I will talk and I will KNOW what to do after that because I know what kind of a man he was, and it isn’t too hard to figure out “what would daddy have done in this situation?” He was a wise man, and even though he was wise, the egg donor had him snowed as well. But no matter how wise or good we are, they can snow us, keep us in the dark and feed us BS, just like a mushroom.

Savor every day of your life, and yes, you are right, there is PLENTY OF EVIL in this world, and the BELL CURVE is a great example of it. There are psychopaths on one end who will use anyone and do anything however horrible, but there are also those people who will fling themselves into a burning building to save a stranger’s life. Yes, most people are in the “middle” and they are neither heroic or evil, just “average” but that’s the way it is with most things, there’s a bell curve for just about everything.

I’m just glad that I have had the opportunity to meet here at Lovefraud with many of the people on the HIGH END OF THE BELL CURVE of goodness, compassion, and caring. I want to focus on that end of the curve and celebrate the life I have left, whether it is 30 minutes or another 30 years! By living my life FREE OF THE PSYCHOPATHS I can do that! (with the occasional side trip for a pity party when I get to focusing on what I have lost instead of what I still have left.)

There was a while there where I literally sat down every day and made a LIST of the BLESSINGS I have…starting with CLEAN WATER to drink, there are millions of people in the world who dont’ have that blessing, and a ROOF over my head, again, millions who don’t have that, SAFETY from the police and the state, how many people lack that—enough FOOD (and moe) and TRANSPORTATION, an EDUCATION, electricity, being able to read and write, a computer, friends, pets, clothing, etc. the BASIC things that we tend to take for granted. Sure, I’m not the spry young thing with the curvy figure and smooth face I once had, but I have more wisdom now, and over all I’m happier and more self assured than I was then.

But the BLESSINGS I have far outweigh the losses I have. How many mothers have had to watch their kids die of starvation? How many women have had to stand by while their husband sold one of their daughters into prostitution for money to feed his habit? How many mothers/fathers have suffered the loss of their child or children to disappearance? Not knowing where that child is or what is being done to them. So when I start to have a pity party because my adult son lies to me, runs his life in a financially irresponsible way, abandons me when his brother is trying to have me killed…sheesh, I am still way ahead of the game in the blessings vs the losses of this life. I just have to get some perspective on what is really important in this life….I have to get up off my arse and dry my tears and put on my ADAMANT as EB’s article talked about and DO WHAT HAS TO BE DONE to take care of myself. My head is flat on top because of all the people I have boinked for a pity party, I’ve hit myself 10 X more!

That’s why this blog works is because the people here have all had a run in with the EVIL ONES of this world on the far end of the BELL CURVE of psychopathy! But next time we won’t be quite so much of a push over for their pity PLOY! (((hugs))) and my prayers for us all as we stumble through this mine field of feelings and healing.

Dear Katydid,

I am so sorry for your pain and suffering!

You are a graceful strong woman! I was so moved by the grace in which you wrote about your cituation…..the strength you show in your character and resolve….you are an inspiring light in the face of heartache and fear….you have found peace.

I ditto EB….”keep finding a way”!

peace and ((hugs)) to you.

oh Oxy,
I found the post where it appears I was in a pity party. Wasn’t thinking that. Just was comparing and emphasizing the different realities between my consequences and my husband’s. and I responded to the link about cheating students. But poor me is not my mindset now and in my free flow typing trying to make a point, I didn’t include my metamorphosis in that first post.

My consequences remain the same. But I don’t think the same about them. NOW I CHOOSE how I live my life (and I kinda think I have a nice one!).

Dear Katy,

No offense meant and none taken, that is the down side of this kind of blog, 90% of communication is non-verbal and it is sometimes easy for raw people to take offense. When I first came to LF Aloha and I were both attacked by a troll who was here and she accused us of being “mean” to her and trashing her, which was the LAST thing that either Aloha or I were trying to do…but Aloha and I were both so RAW that her accusations ripped us to the bone.

I no longer respond to people being “offended” by what I say by becoming hurt and upset..I realize where folks are coming from. That particular woman was a troll, probably borderline looking for a reason to flame someone…it happens. I didn’t think you were doing a pity ploy (which is a different thing than a pity party) and EB will testify that she and I have had our own pity parties here—for weeks at a time, and I spent the first 6 months here on LF typing and CRYING and crying and typing.

I’m FINALLY after three years here at a point that I am not so raw that I take offense or hurt at what others say to or about me. That was NOT so when I first came here in the summer of 2007. I moved back home just before Christmas 2007, and was so traumatized that I couldn’t even move back in my house for another 6 months. I literally lived in my RV trailer parked beside the house, I was too afraid to move back into my house and felt more comfortable and SAFER in the confines of the 32 ft. trailer.

My whole farm felt like it was under a black cloud, and I still don’t feel 100% comfortable being out in the pasture where my egg donor can “watch” me from her back porch. Once in a while I have to go out there to fix a fence or drive up a cow or something and she can stand there and watch me…but it is almost a half mile from my driveway off the road to her back door, so she can’t see me really well if I am not too close to her house, though I know she keeps field glasses by the back door. But I no longer have a panic attack when I see her standing there watching me.

I no longer have my heart race or get in a sweat when someone drives up in my drive way (a dead end in the woods path) in a vehicle I don’t recognize, but I do keep my pistol handy and don’t go close to any stranger enough for them to make any moves I can’t react to.

Where my house is it is impossible for anyone to really know if someone is “home” or not, unless they see me out on the top of the hill in the and that is just fine with me The less they know the better. Until my P-son’s parole hearing in January (which I am protesting via an attorney) I won’t know if he is getting out or not or when he can go back if he doesn’t get out. If he DOES get out, I will have to leave my home and go somewhere else to live. Back into hiding, but I am accepting of that…and realize that a PLACE,or a HOUSE is just sticks and stones and dirt, what I am and my life is what I make it. I’m like you, I think there are as many people on the “bad side” of the bell curve as are on the “good side” (that’s what the bell curve is all about) but I choose to BE on the good side, and to associate with the people on the good side and AVOID those on the other side as much as possible.

Your husband’s consequences really are, though, I think, an EMPTY life, devoid of real JOY, real love and the WEALTH that matters. He is a pathetic piece of bottom scum…and no amount of money, adoration by others or anything else can change that. You are not scum! He is. Peace and joy and love to you from a mouthy old lady who is determined to live a good life for as long as she is breathing. (((hugs))))

Funny how many of us think alike. You mentioned writing a list of blessings. I did the same, I wanted to start my day on a positive note, so I woke up and wrote my list. I knew it worked when I realized I ran out of time, and the list was so long, and that I didn’t have all my blessings listed. (I end my day with the same prayer “Thank you God for all my blessings, for the ones known and the ones UNKNOWN.”)

The bell shaped curve? Yep. We see that similar as well – with one little difference on my part. I believe the good side has just a few more members than the bad side! The world tips to the good, in spite of my feeling like the spaths get a free pass most of the time…

Good night! Words can’t describe how grateful I am that you are on my blessing list.

ps Egg doner? Possible release of Spath son? Castle law.


“Egg donor” is the woman who gave me my DNA and gave birth to me,, but she only pretended to be my “mother”—mothers, I think have to earn that title of reverence, you don’t just get to be a mother because you gave birth o9r even kept the child, it is a title you EARN by nurturing that child, loving it…so, I took back the title. She didn’t in my opinion earn it.

My son comes up for parole January 7, 2011 (for murder4 he committed in January 1992–he killed a 17 year old girl he was doing a credit card scam with because they got caught (using her grandfather’s credit cards, DUH? How could they NOT get caught? But she blamed it on him and threw herself on the mercy of her family (I think she had pulled this stunt before) anyway, he was on parole from a crime and would have gone back to priosn, so he killed her—but he didn’t even try to keep it a secret, he even told her roommate that he intended to do it,, left with the girl, came back with her jewlery and purse, gave them to the room mate and said he didn’t bring back her leather jacket because the blood on it had spoiled the leather. DUH?

Then he went home put the gun under his mattress and went to sleep. The next afternoon he got arrested. DUH! (again)

I hired an attorney a few months ago to FIGHT his release, and the attorney and I made up a paqcket of papers, mostly letters from him to an excell mate he sent to kill lme, and then probably the rest of the family, so I would not disinherit him from some trust lands, that If I were to outlive my egg donor, I could then cut him out.

I found out though that the guy who rented a small houxse from me was a convict from texas (the state where my son is) and is a registered sex offender—he was no coincidence being up here—my son sent him to infiltrate the family by renting the small house I had. When I couldn’t get my egg donor to believe me, or my DIL or my son C, I bought an RV trailer and my son D and I literally fled for our lives in secret. When the Trojan Horse Psychopath realized I was gone he changed plans and he and my DIL started an affair and stole 24,000 from my egg donor and were going to run away together but the DIL wanted to get her last licks in against my son C and kill him and make it look like “self defense” after he found out about the affair. Thank God it didn’t work, and in fact, they went to jail, then she got out on probation after 8 months or so in jail, he got a few more months in prison and is now out and off parole even.

We have a permanent no contact order for both the family and the farm, but actually I don’t think he has the guts to come here as he knows we are all armed.

Castle law is where your home is your castle, and you can protect it with lethal force if need be. Ditto your car is part of your castle and you can carry a weapon in your car (in this state) Since I have a large area of land 1/2 mile by 1/2 mile, it is legal for me to carry a weapon on my land in plain sight and I do.

Well, getting very late and I have to get up early to load out cattle to go to the sale. The rest of you night owls get some sleep and I’ll see you sometime tomorrow, Good lord willing and the creek don’t rise! (((hugs)))

He still must register where he lives though as a sex offender (he had raped 3 kids ages 9, 11 and 14) and other crimes, actually 15 pages of convictions.

People have called my husband “The Lone Wolf” but he’s not solo. His whole family/friends share his characteristics. Just like your genetic links (egg doner/son).

Your P son is clearly a fully engaged psychopath.

My husband admitted to me that he didn’t kill me b/c he didn’t want to go to prison. For a long time, I thought that meant my husband wasn’t a sociopath b/c he predicted an outcome and controlled himself to avoid that outcome.

I know my husband is as deadly as your son, but my husband’s ability to control, to plan, to subterfuge, to discern is confusing to me.

Clearly your egg donor has the traits, yet she also controls her murder impulse.

Is there something that explains it?

Yes, love the castle law. It is a big reason why I live where I do. Also love Open carry law. But I do not TELL anyone that I am armed (well no one here knows my name or address!). My husband thinks me deathly afraid of firearms. I use that as my ace in the hole. I live alone. If anyone is EVER in my house, there will be NO conversation.


Dear Katy,

Some people who are high in psychopathic traits control themselves well enough to get to the white house, the governor’s office, through medical school, through a PhD program, etc. there are plenty of psychopaths who “function” in society well enough.

Read Bob Hare’s book “Snakes in Suits, when Psychopaths go to work” and you will see that not even the majority of psychopaths are killers or even criminal in the sense of breaking the laws enough to go to prison…many are quite successful in many fields.

My P son is so arrogant though that he can’t imagine that the dumb cops could catch him—with him telling witnesses he intended to murder the girl, then telling them he did murder the girl, and giving them her jewelry, DUH? This is a kid with the IQ off the big end of the bell curve and he is that STUPID and arrogant? YEP he is! Egg donor is GOOD at covering up and pretending to be “sweet” and “honest” and “kind” but I eventually saw the truth, she wouldn’t score high on the PCL-R but she is a psychopath and without empathy none-the-less.

Well, I’m glad I live in a state where it is still a “legal defense” that “he just needed killin’ ” LOL (joke) But protecting yourself is NOT against the law here, and unfortunately it is in some places. So if I have to get up and move to another place because P son gets out it will be where I can at least legally carry concealed. I’m not walking down the STREETS of a town with a 6 gun on my side like Annie Oakley, but I open carry here on the farm–in case of snakes, with or without legs. LOL

I’m glad you are safely away from that creep—some of them even the smart ones get arrogant enough to try to kill folks. Some even get away with it once in a while. I wish “life” meant really doing LIFE though, instead of 10-15 years. The BEST I can hope for now is that every five years I have to go back to the parole board and beg them not to let him out. My sons may have to do that for the rest of their lives as well. Even then, my lawyer says when he gets “sick” or has significant medical bills that the prison system doesn’t want to pay they will “parole” him to the streets and if he can walk or crawl, he will come after us. He is dumb enough that he would come even if he knew we had machine guns here on the place…he is one of those that is NOT afraid of consequences. He truly believes the bullets would pass harmlessly around him or even harmlessly through him. It never occurs to him that he might really die…but I think even if he thoguht he would get killed in the process of killing us, it would still be a “win” for him. DUH!

KatyDid says:

“For a long time, I thought that meant my husband wasn’t a sociopath b/c he predicted an outcome and controlled himself to avoid that outcome.”
– but that’s exactly what they do when they fleece us – they predict that we will supply them and then they control their behaviours (the con, the snow-job, the pretending…) in order to achieve their desired outcome.

I guess my point is, that with some Personality Disorders, a lack of control (of one sort or another)(or many…) is a defining feature. With some other forms of mental illness, a lack of control – while not an acceptable excuse to do bad things – is the REASON that they do them. With spaths, everything is about control and everything that they do, say and think is with an ulterior motive and has a set purpose. All part of their Master plan.

Just finished reading a very disturbing book – not my usual style, but borrowed from a friend on impulse. It’s called “The cult files” by Chris Mikul and is not for the squeamish or easily distressed. A handful of cults and their leaders are profiled. I finished the book with the belief that while not all of the cult leaders profiled were sociopaths (some were just clearly and utterly deranged mental nut-jobs or else supreme narcissists), others definitely were. These are, of course, at the extreme end of the spectrum, but the scarey bit was that until they did the horrific things that they became infamous for, most of them did not have a significant record of violent behaviour or a criminal record. It made me wonder whether, even seemingly “less harmful” spaths, once sufficiently emboldened (whether by an admiring discipleship or by their own perceived “successes” against their victims), would invariably move on to “bigger and better” evil.

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