Latest trend: Hiring private investigators to check out your new love interest

Last weekend the Wall Street Journal wrote about the booming new line of work for private investigators: Checking out potential romantic partners.

Word is finally getting out that online dating profiles can be full of lies, and many people use dating sites to find potential scam victims.

The WSJ article cites the case one divorced woman in her 50s who got a background search on her new boyfriend. It turned out that the guy had served a prison sentence for murder, which he neglected to tell the woman.

Web sends lovers flocking to private eyes to find out truth, on

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Web sends lovers flocking to private eyes to find out truth


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I did this before I married my psychopath. The investigators could have shown me information that may make me question the validity of his statements but did not disclose it to me in a form that helped. They simply reported his lower pay during his youth . . .they did not show me the lack of pay during his previous marriage. Be careful who you hire. Be sure you GET all information. Understand that a practiced psychopath has probably done something to keep his record clean, even total deception.
Much of the information investigators use to prove things to you is available through government websites FOR FREE.


My spath use a private investigator to check me out. He wanted to know ‘why’ I wouldn’t give him any money and so on. He didn’t tell me he hired a private investigator, I just knew he did it, because I learned that whatever action he takes, whatever he says… there is a reason behind it that something of value has to accrue to him. After being with him for 4 years or so, I learned that coping mechanism to once I discovered what his is. Very handy. When we were watching TV one day, he out of the clear blue sky, said I was a pauper. I was able to stop from breaking out with laughter. He always exposes himself, what he thinks, what he does, what he is after and so on. He always drops hints, so he can feel superior that he has knowledge that I or his other targets don’t have. Because of what he said, I knew he was getting to the end of his rope with me… (a good thing) He wanted to know if I had any financial value and he just had to work harder. When he said I was a pauper, I felt glad that I never let him know my maiden name. I have my finances hidden under my single name. I made myself a successful ‘grey stone’ Something that is not shiny, standing out, exciting, coveted… blah!! Doesn’t excite a spath or a narcissist. They lose interest and because I blend into the background of other ‘grey stones,’ I don’t attract spaths.

I found the reverse thinking has helped me a lot. Another one was when I was taken by him with my computer to a business he recommended, I started to think…. What was in it for him. He only does things if he benefits. I took my digital voice recorder and turned it on when he introduced me. I was surprised when he walked away. I thought he would help me. At that time I also learned when a crime is about to be committed, he makes sure he is never around. He had pre-negotiated a deal with the vendor to charge me more and he would get a kickback. I won’t go into the details, but when I returned to pick up my computer and they had done things to my computer I didn’t ask for. Original cost of installing a supplied ribbon should be $50 max. They wanted $300. When I told them I didn’t order that, they snapped, do I have it in writing. I popped up with my digital recorder and told them I had something better, a digital recording of the previous conversation and I was recording now. They, of course freaked, gave me my computer no charge and told me to leave their store. Did I mention that in the background of their voice message that my computer was ready, I could hear my spath’s very distinctive voice saying $250… $250… There were other red flags that happened before he decided to help me such as he took me to a vendor that was not the one he bought a cell phone from and they also fix computers. Why? sat in my head… it is why I turned on my digital recorder before I dealt with the spath’s recommended vendors.

Another one, when my spath realized after a time that he was getting himself caught in his schemes he tried on me … said to me “You are the most intelligent woman I have ever met” Now, most people would think it is a compliment. I know better. My spath is also a Narcissist and if you know their traits, NO ONE can be better, have better, whatever better than them. To me, what he said was a threat…NOT a compliment. A Narcissist can not be with someone that has anything better than he has, or he would destroy it.

To understand the spath/narcissist’s request or action, just think, what accrues to them… look back over time and pick up the little bits of info he drops, his hidden jems of “I know something you don’t” statements. It’s a very intricate web they weave, but after time you can see the pattern, based on what he brags about, what he says his dreams are.

My spath also studied crime. Joined anti-fraud websites, watched crime shows like Criminal Minds, goes to criminal court cases… I used to think he was a good guy, trying NOT to get screwed over. What I later learned when I started my ‘reverse thinking’ is that he was in-fact, studying how NOT to get caught.

Another sign of how dangerous this guy can be …he controlled his blood lust and learning survival strategies, is he loves to watch animals tear each other apart. He would sit at the computer and think of different animals, plug them into a search engine and
U-tube has videos of animals killing each other. He would sit and watch the first time, then he would comment on how smart this or that one was and so on. He would lastly laugh about the video and the pain and blood of those poor animals. He also does this with people. He showed me a video of some guy in Nigeria that he said stole something and a crowd grew and chased the guy trapping him with a car tire and would make him fall. They eventually set the guy on fire. He delighted in my being horrified and asking him if it was real. Talk about CREEP factor… I was already turning into a grey stone and seeing him laugh about those videos let me know I was on the right track. Why didn’t I just dump him. When I tried, he would call up to 25 calls a day. He would get crazy when he couldn’t find me. I learned if I moved too fast, he would be all over me, with the ‘losing control’ fear a predator has. You’ve seen it, when you watch a cat playing with a mouse and when the mouse moves or runs, the cat is attracted to it and pounces again. My plan is working as he has focused his attention on other women on the various dating websites. I overheard him telling a ‘friend’ he found a 50 year old that is ugly but rich. His friend laughed.

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