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Marriage Fraud

Nicholas Keung, reports a common story about marriage fraud and how it happened to Erin Sanden, a single woman from Canada who met  Jorge Manuel Batista Gonzalez, 33, while on vacation in Cuba. The two married.  Just three days after joining her in her home in Canada, Gonzalez took off, leaving an empty jar of money and a misspelled note, telling her not to look for him.

The Marriage to Cuban leaves Brampton bride brokenhearted and broke in TheStar.com

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30 Comments on "Marriage Fraud"

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Lovingthem, I hear the fatigue and isolation in your posts…and the entire situation does TIRE US OUT just like digging a ditch with a shovel would make you tired, so does dealing with emotional toil.

You must REST…take care of you before you break down and can’t take care of your children.

Closure will take some TIME, but it will come, so in the mean time you must do things for YOURSELF…to keep you strong.

Exercise…even if you don’t feel like it….take your kids and go for a walk it will be good for them too.

Sort out what HAS TO BE DONE and what can WAIT…let the things that can be left a while go and only do what you HAVE TO DO. So get some time to yourself to read, pray and think and relax.

The Bible promises that God will not give us more than we can handle, but it doesn’t say he won’t put ALL we can handle on us, but you have assurances that you CAN handle what is going on.

You and your children are in my prayers. God bless.

Lovingthem:

I’m sorry. I don’t know what else to say other than I am thinking of you and you have us here to help you, OK? HUGS to you.

Thanks everyone. I’m glad I found this place.

lovingthem,
I thought of you and by extension all lovefraud readers, when my counselor handed me another book today.The name of it is,”Self-Compassion” by Kristin Neff,PH.D.I haven’t had a chance to start reading the book yet,but I noticed on the inside of the back of the book jacket,a web site http://www.self-compassion.org I’ve read enough to tell that this is going to be a good book!

If you’re like me,you “learned” from your parents to take adversity with a stiff upper lip,or if you could manage it,a smile.You probably also learned to put the welfare of others before yourself.Those aren’t bad qualities-if kept in balance.Oxy brought out some good pointers,such as MAKING THE TIME to take a walk,read pray,think & relax.One of the the things that ‘woke me up’ to the fact that I couldn’t stay with my husband was that I could never have the time to get my thoughts collected together and pray.(((Hugs)))

Blossom, one of the common tactics that spaths use is to keep us DISTRACTED with one crisis or another so that we are always in the “spin cycle” emotionally and mentally. Keeps us from being able to THINK or pray or take care of ourselves.

That’s why we have to, must, stop worrying about things that are unimportant in the great scheme of things and only do and focus on those things that are really important. It may be as simple as leaving the dishes in the sink and using the time to take a bubble bath…

lovingthem,

You’re in my thoughts and prayers today. Happy Valentine’s Day! Your kids are blessed because they have You. I KNOW that life is difficult, challenging. Try not to beat yourself up over the past (regarding your decisions). I love the advice that the other posters’ give each other, applying some of the suggestions in my own life. I totally understand what you’ve posted, having had the same thoughts, feelings, etc. You’re not alone. Women past and present have been in our shoes. Just try and not be hard on yourself but easy, gentle. Peace.

My sister talked some sense into me last night. She reminded me that life simply is not fair. I get so hung up on how unfair it is that I was victimized by marriage fraud and then further victimized by my lawyer. But the truth is that almost everyone suffers injustice in this life. I need to stop feeling sorry for myself if I am going to recover. And I need to stop blaming myself.

blossom4th, I’ll check into that book. It reminds me of something I’ve been working on lately… accepting God’s grace. Compassion and grace go hand in hand. I am so quick to extend compassion, grace, and forgiveness to others, but not to myself. Yes, I did learn in my childhood to accept adversity (and mistreatment) as the norm and to neglect my own basic needs for the benefit of others. That’s probably one of the many reasons I ended up being the victim of marriage fraud. His callousness and disregard for my needs was “familiar” enough to me that I was not alarmed as I should have been. I was used to fending for myself and accustomed to never having my own needs or feelings considered or protected.

Lovingthem,

The article I wrote that was posted today was for you, but it was also for ME because I too have let the cares of this world overwhelm me and knock me off the path toward healing and taking care of myself. Taking care of ourselves is or should be at least NUMBER ONE.

Here is the link to it in case you haven’t seen it or read it, please do. These things all are good for us, easy and free if we will just DO them.

http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2013/02/14/easy-and-free-ways-to-take-care-of-ourselves/

lovingthem,
EXACTLY! Once I was out of the sham;the spin-cycle,and got myself into counseling,I realized that many of our behaviors are learned in childhood.Unfortunately,they are behaviors that at their worst are dysfunctional;at their best are “lopsided” (my own term,meaning it’s only 1/2 of the way things ought to be).It is an admirable thing to show compassion to other people.Yet,if you fail to show compassion to yourself,how long will it be before you become exhausted;perhaps even bitter?!How long will you still find room in your heart to show compassion for others?

Oxy,
Funny thing,I was just thinking today about a bubble bath and I log in and read your post mentioning the same,lol!

Ox Drover is correct. Many are from the U.S. and often they are women as perpetrators. I am still digging out from the aftermath of a sociopathic/psychopathic “spouse” who took everything, including my sanity and security.

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