By | May 5, 2011 22 Comments

Mothers’ rally in Michigan on Tuesday, May 10

American Mother’s Political Party Hosts FREEDOM OF SPEECH Rally at the Michigan State Capitol on Tuesday, May 10, 2011 from 9:00 a.m. – 6:00 p.m.

It is well known that domestic violence is a terrible epidemic that affects millions of women regardless of social class, economic status, level of education, ethnicity or race. But what is not well known – and outrageous – is that on top of the abuse they have suffered at home, many of these women are also victimized by our family court system.

Despite some new protections patched into family law for victims of violence against women, the family law and family court system remain a flawed and risky venue for victims of family violence. It’s especially risky for victims who present claims of violence and abuse in family court without any criminal case documents to back up those claims.

The structure and powers of the family court system are radically different from the criminal system. By understanding these differences, victims and advocates can minimize the risks of family court, and get the best of each system to work for them.

Why are our children being forced to go with known abusers? PARENTS Rights should NOT come before CHILDRENS Rights or the safety of a child! All we have to do is look at the news and there is a new tragedy that took place, a child murdered, often CPS and the Family Courts were involved. When will we as parents stand up and fight back to protect our children? We have to show the legislatures that Michigan’s Children are in grave danger, that the laws need to be looked at and changes made where needed.

March with us at the Capitol and together we can be the voices for our children on May 10th. For more information contact  [email protected]

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Hope to heal

I only have one question for these folks: Why is this ONLY about domestic violence against WOMEN?

The legal system certainly is not fair to MEN who are victims of domestic violence either!


People do not realize that many batterers are in fact sociopaths. I really wish this was a march for awareness about that! The craziest things have been going on in our lives right here in Michigan because of a certain female sociopath. The thing that sucks the most is she has the county court system convinced that her ex (my boyfriend) is a batterer and that he should have nothing to do with their children. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if she is participating in this event with her supporters to show her new found passion for victims rights. I am convinced that female sociopaths can be FAR more dangerous to tangle with than males, with the exception of a male being a lawyer or in a position of power. I wish there was more I could do to raise awareness!

Hope to heal

I believe that Donna is doing a wonderful thing here. Helping to educate as many people as she can. We do need to raise awareness. There is SO much information to be read here.

My husband was accused by his ex sociopath of domestic violence. This man is the kindest, most soft-hearted man I have ever met. He was the one who was a victim. He had to go to the ER for stitches after she broke a glass bowl over his arm!

Ox Drover

I realize that there has been criticism from this group because it focuses on mothers who have “lost” their children to men who were the abusers…..and I have no doubt that there ARE some FAKE women “victims” among the members.

Remember, PSYCHOPATHS FREQUENTLY POSE AS VICTIMS OF ABUSE—-they smear the real victim as the psychopath while trying to maintain a mask of fake “victimhood” for the pity play.

But To give the devil his due, I think ANY hue and cry against abuse is a good thing to raise awareness of women/men/children/dogs/cats or worms that are being abused is to raise awareness that there ARE Abusers out there who will hurt others.

How many women have FALSELY accused their spouses of sexually molesting their children? I imagine a bunch, how many women have falsely accused others of rape? (How about that woman who accused the Duke sports team members? Now she’s in jail awaiting trial on MURDER CHARGES) If that woman with a history of violence toward others and FALSE accusations of rape isn’t a psychopath I don’t know what it would take to “qualify” as one.

But we need to raise awareness that abusers, bullies, psychopaths, etc. are out there.

BTW it is estimated that 75% of people who are domestic abusers are psychopaths…so yea, that is pretty high. Even higher than the 25% of convicts that qualify as a 30 or more on the PCL-R.


I am so grateful to the members of Lovefraud who are looking beyond the gender stereotypes and showing they have enough character to resist buying into the gender wars. And to Donna for rising above her own former situation to use her experience to make the world a better place.

I completely agree with the points made above: that this would be more palatable and less disturbing if focus were on all abusers (some of whom are sociopaths); that we need to recognize abusive and exploitative behaviour regardless of context or circumstances; and most especially that the focus needs to be on the protection and well-being of children and healthy families (and the rest of society).

If this were a movement for both caring mothers AND fathers who are marching against judicial processes which award children to non-loving parents (which could be held on both mother’s AND father’s day – twice the benefit!), I would be fully in support.

But Donna’s second link takes us to a website that says: “We are going to be at the White House again on Mothers Day, to protest the use of taxpayer funds to support fatherhood initiative programs, which have been effective in helping abusive fathers in taking custody of children away from their victims.” Note that that statement assumes that all fatherhood initiative groups are malevolent and therefore should be ineligible for funding, and makes no mention of the fact that women are statistically responsible for more child deaths at the hands of parents than men, and therefore children need protection from adult women at least as much as they do from adult men. I think the truth is that ‘fatherhood groups’ are as susceptible to infiltration by paths as ‘women’s group’. It shouldn’t matter if you are a father in a father’s group, a mother in a mother’s group, a doctor in a physician’s association, or an engineer in a professional engineering association: everyone should be responsible for containing and ‘outing’ (or at least not protecting and hiding) the predators amongst us.

Similar to what vicinmi says above, my mother (who in private despised most females) was the most ardent feminist you could imagine. It was always about “righteous anger” over “victimhood” cranked to the max whilst simultaneously taking that anger out on the weak and unsuspecting. She would not only be there marching, odds are she would be one of the initial organizers (but of course she would have previously found an unsuspecting legitimate victim to use to whip up the crowd).

And my father, who was at heart a decent if unsuspecting and somewhat blind man, was one of her primary targets. She cut her predatory teeth on eating out his personality and soul from the inside out. And yet he stayed until we were grown and he was not much more than an empty shell. For us, I now realize.

What makes me both sad and angry is that I always loved Mother’s day afternoons because I usually got to see my grandmothers, who were both wonderful, loving, caring, people, each in her own way. My mother ensured that I got nothing from either grandmother. My paternal grandmother suspected this would happen and “snuck” me a few momentos before she died. My husband spent a small fortune buying an exact replica of the glass chimes she hung in her window. Every time the breeze blows through our open windows and the chimes tinkle he says “Your grandmother is talking to you! She’s sending you her love.” THAT’s what Mother’s day is all about for me. Appreciating and remembering wonderful mothers.

And I’m very very lucky that my own mother-in-law is another caring, warm, funny woman in my life. Really, why do we have to take a day which is supposed to be about love, recognition and appreciation, and turn it into something ugly?

So here’s to the loving, giving, generous mothers out there who sacrifice and strain for the well-being of their children, their husbands, their extended families, their communities and our society. Let’s give *those mothers* all the support and recognition, and thanks, that they deserve.

While I don’t deny the value of these marches, the aforementioned comments in response touch me more.

I was fortunate to have been raised by an amazing, wonderful mother; whereas my niece will not be able to say the same once she awakes from her smokescreen stupor induced by my psychopathic sister if she lives long enough.

Hope and vicinmi, I’m so sorry for the pain caused in your lives and of those men whom you love by the sociopathic women.

Oxy, perfectly put: PSYCHOPATHS FREQUENTLY POSE AS VICTIMS OF ABUSE—-they smear the real victim as the psychopath while trying to maintain a mask of fake “victimhood” for the pity play.

Annie, the points you make about using the day to celebrate great moms are beautiful sentiments. Especially having endured the mothering you suffered, I’m glad you now have others in whom you can rejoice.

Ox Drover

Some of the “fathers groups” are also anti-mothers, and the whole thing gets split along the gender lines which it should not be…just as many of the women’s organizations were/are very anti-male.

Okay, folks it’s a fact—there is gender bias in much of our western culture and in much of our corporate world….men make more money than women for the same jobs in many cases, and there is a glass ceiling…but it is **IS** slowly changing. In many parts of the world there is still chattel slavery of women as possessions and it isn’t changing much if any.

A man trying to get into a DV shelter might as well try to get a cot in the Nun’s dormitory….LOL Life ain’t fair, but our goals should be I think to at least move it closer to that direction where it isn’t about gender it is about preventing abuse.


There is another reason why sociopaths will pretend to help the down trodden, especially street people, drug-addicts and alcoholics. My spath knew that many of these people could be easily molded into doing what he wanted. They make perfect patsies. Also they can usually supply him with further connections to more vulnerable people.

When I was 18 and living in an apartment in Seattle with the spath, we would barbecue outside in the parking lot. A young couple came up and told us they were homeless (I guess, because I wasn’t the first to talk with them) and they wanted to eat with us. The man was about 21, he was black and his name was Tyrone. The girl was 15, she was white, and her name was Tina. I gave them food and then spath suggested that they could sleep in the basement of our apartment building on the floor. I thought that was awfully nice of him. Then he told me that the little girl was a prostitute and that Tyrone was her pimp, but he was going to try to get Tyrone a job in the shipyard where he worked as a welder. (this was at the beginning of our relationshit, when he would still get work for a few weeks just to make me think that he was a blue collar guy.)

Of course now I know that he is a pedophile and the only reason he wanted Tyrone and Tina around was so he could have sex with Tina while I was at work or asleep or whenever. No wonder Tina hardly said a word to me.

Anyway, later he said that Tyrone had stolen a bunch of tools from where he worked and he was blamed because he had brought him in, so they both got fired. Lies, lies and more lies.


Sky – , aint it something how a spath can screw your neighbor right under your nose and we think they are just being nice and pulling their socks up for them?


LOL!! Ohhhh yes!
First of all, I would NEVER have suspected it because, HE was the one who wanted to be exclusive. I never wanted to date just one person, I had just broken up with my fiance and wanted to date alot. And because I’m not the jealous type at all, I would never have asked him to be exclusive with me.
He told me he was a “one woman man”. AHAHAHAHAHAHA!
He loved me sooooo much!
She’s a prostitute for Christ’s sake!
she’s a little kid!
I was REALLY HOT when I was 18, zero body fat and worked out for hours a day.
I supported his ass most of the time.
He was sooooo ugly, I just never worried about any other woman finding him attractive.

There are more, but the point is, when you’re dealing with spaths, everything is backward, nothing makes sense, they aren’t like us and don’t value what we value. They value nothing. How could I have figured something like that out?




one joy,
Ok, read it.
I’ll go check it out.


I guess I’m stepping out for the evening. I’ll finish reading that tomorrow. Thank you One Joy.


no, thank you sky. many voices are needed, and that blog is getting a lot of traffic.


DV affects men too, but is rarely reported and even fewer female abusers get punished


What a great post Annie. Things such as this only address part of the problem and often cause unintended problems.

For example a truly awful case

That case shows how the child’s welfare was ignored in favor of the mother’s welfare even with charges and such. The courts/agencies need to treat people as people rather than by assumptions and stereotypes based on a persons gender. All people are unique unto themselves.

Annie can not express how much I agreed with you when you wrote:

we need to recognize abusive and exploitative behaviour regardless of context or circumstances; and most especially that the focus needs to be on the protection and well-being of children and healthy families (and the rest of society).


Thank you, BloggerT.

I’d like to return the compliment. One of the most poignant post’s I’ve read of yours was this one:

“Sexual Assault Awareness Month is here. For me this is bittersweet. It is bitter because there are often groups of people left out of the message. Look at all the different activities that will occur and see how many of them move beyond the stereotypes about sexual assault. Most still focus on men as perpetrator’s and women as victims. […]

One of the themes that I have noticed in speaking with people who have been sexually abused by a woman is that they have always felt so alone. The little boy or little girl all alone with their pain; all alone with their tears; all alone with their doubts, their questions, their shame, their anger. No one seems to care about his or her experiences. No one seems to want to do any public marches for them.”

I would add that the above is true when it comes to physical and emotional abuse as well – even with severe abuse such as torture.

That concept of “No-one seems to want to do any public marches for them.” has stuck in my consciousness.

Your post now comes to mind whenever I sense any type of gender/group identity ‘exclusionism’ in any cause. As does, recently, Oxy’s wonderful review of the book “Cold-Blooded Kindness”. I now give much more weight to critical thinking about ‘altruistic’ movements.

Years ago (at least a decade before 9/11) I attended a seminar from a government sponsored ‘self-help’ organization (its purpose was to assist people who were interested in setting up self-help groups). We were at the point in the workshop where they were espousing the latest government sponsored PC movement of the day: racism and reluctance to accept and support all cultural differences. As in, that was a very bad thing that you should never do. And then one of the participants, who had been silent up to that point, spoke up and told them that they should be looking at that more critically, and should not be so blindly accepting of political correctness. He was a Muslim immigrant from Saudi Arabia. But it turns out they he was ALSO secretly gay, and a transvestite. And that what he was there for was to create a group for gay Muslim men to fight against the violence and prejudice within his own ‘culture’. And to advocate for the rest of society to stop tolerating that. You could see the facilitators draw themselves up short (one of them was a fairly recent immigrant obviously steeped in the victim mentality mindset which she didn’t hesitate to share and promote); this CLEARLY went against the dogma they had been trained to teach with. It became easy to see the overly simplistic thinking – he could be an immigrant ‘victim’, or a gay/bisexual victim. But not of both of them together where one was at odds with the other. And the notion that he could be a victim of a culture with ‘victim status’ was unthinkable. You could see them turning away from him. The rest of the workshop was difficult for them, because it was so peppered with overly simplistic anti-racism, pro multicultural messages. And I could see that, by the end of the workshop, he felt more victimized and less empowered than when he had come in. Luckily his situation resonated with quite a few of the participants, who started to network with him to provide resources – resources which crossed all kinds of ideological boundaries that the facilitators weren’t comfortable (or allowed?) to mention.

What I’ve learned from this site is that abuse and abusers are not always obvious, and that in order to speak about them we often have to have difficult conversations about complex issues. That we can’t ever let ourselves fall prey to the tendancy to think in stereotypes and caricatures. Because it’s our lazy thinking, blindness and unwillingness to see the truth for what it is that keeps the cycle going.

Ox Drover

Annie and BloggerT—thank you both for wonderful posts and points on which to ponder. You both contribute so much to LF, thank you!


well said. I’d like emphasize your last point. “… it is OUR lazy thinking, blindness, and unwillingness to see the truth for what it is that keeps the cycle going.”

That’s called enabling.

and the pattern IS obvious, but painful to admit to ourselves. We are trained (by psychopaths and narcissists) to feel guilty when not enabling them. So we become guilty by trying not to FEEL guilty. No matter what, we end up guilty.

The only way out is THROUGH the pain.


Annie – lovely lovely post!


Thank you Annie and Oxy.

Annie you are so very right. Stereotypes place limitations on us which make it difficult to relate to others as complex beings rather than as caricatures. Many people often give pause and think twice before making judgments about someone based on income, ethnicity, or religious affiliation. Which makes me wonder why so many people are not that way when it comes to gender stereotypes?

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