By | November 16, 2012 19 Comments

Murder was not racism, it was domestic violence

An Iraqi woman, Shaima Alawadi, was found beaten to death in her dining room in El Cajon, California. A note beside the woman told the family to go back to Iraq. Last week, the woman’s husband, Kassim Alhimidi, was arrested and charged with murder.

Husband arrested in Iraqi woman’s killing, on

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Back when I first heard of this story — and everyone was still
screaming ‘bigots did this’ — I was immediately suspicious of
the husband and the ever-so “convenient” note left at the
scene of the crime that mentioned their country of origin.
Even if it were 2001 — the entire situation of a family
living with no issues from the neighbors — and then
suddenly receiving a ‘note’ soon followed by a violent
murder and another ‘note’ was too suspicious in my book.
The other thing that struck my attention was the
daughter’s odd story of ‘hearing a scream and
broken glass’ and then later finding her mom
was dead — I felt the only thing that was missing
from her ‘account’ was the phrase ‘the butler did it’.
That poor woman was trying to escape and to protect her
children — and the end result was her perpetrator killing
her then hiding behind a “bigoted society did this” facade.


Knowing how much that culture tolerates “putting women in their place,” when I first read about this, I wondered if the “racism” was an attempt to throw off the police. I felt there was more to the story.

I do not know how any person or culture can justify that they love their children when they treat their women as they do.

Ox Drover

Yea, the entire thing didn’t “ring true” to me either at the time it was reported, and I am not the least surprised that the “husband did it.”

I think he is a perfect example of how a psychopath doesn’t “get it” emotionally on how others think.

He may have killed her in a fit of rage, but my guess is that he planned to do so ahead of time. (thus the first note) and then when he did kill her he left the note, thinking that it was “believable.”

He didn’t get it that his note of “go back to your country” didn’t wash with the way Americans really think, number one, and number two, a racist person would not have killed her like that and then have LEFT A NOTE.

The husband was, in my opinion, high in P traits (compared to the general American public) as well as coming from a culture that does not value the place of women in the same way that most of America does. “Honor killings” still are viewed by many immigrants from the middle east as okay, and in the UK a survey shows that in the second generation male offspring of the immigrants to London from the Middle East, that 20-25% of them STILL think that “honor killings” are okay. So this cultural attitude of the superiority of the males gives solace to the man who wants to get rid of his wife who is thinking of divorcing him. So murder seems okay, but he knows that the American culture/law will punish him, so he has to come up with something to throw off the police and make himself look “innocent.”

So in his efforts to come up with something that he thinks is a “sure fire” way to throw off the law from looking at HIM, he leaves “terror” notes….but he doesn’t “get it” that they don’t conform to how the family was actually treated in the neighborhood. Did he not “get it” because he was high in P traits, or because he didn’t get it because of his lack of understanding of American culture? Maybe one, maybe the other, or maybe a combination of the two.

I’m glad that his wife finally got some justice, though, and that he will get to learn some more American culture while he does some PRISON time for killing her.


Thank you for posting this awful article, Donna.

It REEKS of the Susan Smith case, doesn’t it?

***Someone carjacked my vehicle and my KIDS were still in it! What did he look like? Uh……he was……um……black! Yes, he was black and he had a gun. And, he had a knife and a crack pipe! Right. ***

When people murder other people, it’s heinous. But, when people murder other people and then attempt to blame another race or ethnicity for their crimes has no word in the dictionary that adequately describes such a sin against mankind.

Having lived in the Middle East and witnessing the misogyny there firsthand, when I first heard this story, I just knew. I could feel it in my gut. I knew it was him and I felt like crying because I worried that he couldn’t get caught for what he had done and I imagined what a horrible life that must have been to live with a man like that all those years.

When in Turkey, nearly every month was another story like this in the papers. Men killing women was a regular occurance, always out of jealousy or ‘honor’ preservation. There was even one story in which a young man had killed a Russian girl while she was sunbathing in a bikini. When asked why, he said, matter-of-fact, without a shame in the world, as though it were the most logical thing on the face of the planet: He had seen her sunbathing and instantly fell in love with her–love at first sight and before speaking a word to her; then he realized that she was dishonoring herself by showing her body like that, so to preserve the honor of the woman he loved, he had to kill her. The scary part is that this story would make perfect sense to a great many people in that country. Such is the mindset. And stories like this came out in the local papers there on a regular basis.

So, this story about the woman from Iraq….just smacked of a bandaid put over the reality of what norms are brought along with certain cultures into the USA.


I may be completely wrong about this, and I hope that I am, but it is my understanding that it is legal for a husband to murder his wife in Brazil if he discovers that she’s having an affair.




How in the heck are you, girl. I have missed you, things going OK for you?

Great seeing your name!!!!!

xxoo MiLo

Hi Panther! Nice to see you.
My experience is that many western men have a similar entitlement mentality but they know they need to hide it from all except other similarly minded men. In Turkey, there isn’t any need to hide this thought process because the entire culture is aware of it and generally accepting of it.

In western culture, in the past, women were legally considered property. Yet, there were men who still treated women with respect and compassion, though they were not compelled to by any law. It’s just how human beings treat other human beings.

When things changed and women began asserting their legal rights, men had to conform to the new laws. The normal compassionate men had no problem with that, but the abusers just hide their true attitudes.

I guess my point is that cultures may be different, but people aren’t.

Ox Drover

Hey, Panther! Sure have missed you, glad you came by, don’t be gone so long next time! Or better yet, don’t be gone at ALL.

I agree with you about the Middle Eastern cultures that still view women as property. Sub Sahara Africa is also very much that women are property…men are allowed more than one wife, etc.

But since the dawn of time, when women who were “with child” needed protection so that their children had a chance to survive and powerful men have enjoyed being more powerful than women, women have been “encultured” to be less valuable and have less rights than men. Their main function being LABOR, sex and child bearing of more male children.

There are cultures where property passes with the women, but those cultures are rare, and in most cultures until VERY recently women had few if any rights to property and self determination.

It was always ODD to me that in British culture where women had few rights, they would allow a female ruler (queen) Of course the Colonies, then the States, kept most of these laws concerning the rights of women….or lack or rights, really. It is only in the last few decades that women have had equal rights to property and even then, with some states and the “community” property laws, supposedly to protect women from their husbands, women generally get screwed again.

Since this man in a “community property” state would have had to go 50/50 with his wife in a divorce, he had no intention of letting her “shame” him or take away what was RIGHTFULLY HIS (in his mind at least)

The UK just prosecuted a man and wife for murdering their “westernized” daughter 8 years ago in front of their other children. Finally one of the daughters helped some “friends” rob her family and they got caught and she gave up her parents in the murder of her sister for no jail time and protection, apparently the other kids vouched for her story….so the parents are convicted and the kids go into hiding. Some “honor.”


Ox, Are you havin Duck for Thanksgiving Day?

Ox Drover

Nah, they started laying again….so having deviled eggs instead! LOL Actually we will be going to the state park with our living history group…but not going to camp, just day-trip up there and come home at night. Neither son D nor I are up to par yet, so we are just going to take things easy and do the “enjoyable” parts of the event this year and not the hard work part. This physical therapy is kicking my butt….and still trying to play catch up on all the things I haven’t been able to do for the past nearly 10 months since the original injury. Getting old sucks, but being injured is even worse…just doing the new dance “the doctor trot” –trotting from doctor to doctor! LOL

Hi everyone. I was gone because I thought people didn’t want me here! 🙁 Mostly for that. Last time I posted something, I was asked a question about mysterious posters who were newbies, then became spathinators, then disapeared…I was asked to explain what that is all about…and maybe I read too much inbetween the lines, but it sounded like I was being called bad or something for not being around for so long.

I am still around. I read the articles but just don’t have the time in the day to keep up with all the threads lately. I’m trying to focus more on living….trying to keep off the computer (hard though).

Hello Milo, Skylar, and Ox 🙂 I am glad you all don’t hate me. I guess I misunderstood that post awhile back. I thought I was in trouble and being ostracized…only I wasn’t exactly sure why.



Just glad you are back now. You have so much to add. I have learned so much from your experiences.

“focus more on living” – EXCELLENT – Hope all is going well for you.


I missed you but if you’re out living, that can’t be beat!


Islam and Sharia Law as a culture consist of legalized enslavement and brutalization of women and psychopathic behavior for men. I hope our Country recognizes it before it is too late.

Ox Drover

Panther 90% of communication is NON VERBAL so in a verbal ONLY venue it is difficult to get jokes sometimes or more subtle types of communication as well. But in order for this community to work as well as it does, we must presume that others are NOT being “nasty” (unless there is name calling etc in which case it becomes pretty plain) and that is what the “report abusive comment” link is for and Donna will take care of the situation.

There is no need here for posters to “flame” each other.

Frankly, I don’t remember why you left, or care. If you felt uncomfortable here for any reason then whether that reason was “valid” or not is beside the point, if YOU were uncomfortable here then you needed to be somewhere else. Your FEELINGS are yours and no one else can say that your FEELINGS are not valid whether they are based on fact or fiction, they are YOURS. They are real.

So if you want to become part of the LF community again, welcome, glad to have you back.

I think I’m in another relationship with another one…am I losing my freaking mind?

So much for pearls of wisdom.

I don’t know if I am crazy or what. How the FLIP did I do this again? I don’t know. I just don’t feel I have the strength for this anymore. I am so fucking stupid.

Milo, sorry I am not able to be the smart contributor right now. I think I have been duped again. My head is spinning. I just want sanity for heck’s sake what the hell is wrong with me?

Ox Drover

Panther, I suggest you go back over the article about 10 signs you are dating a psychopath and if you are seeing any of those signs, that you sever the relationship immediately…and go back to psychopath 101 and start to relearn about them and then assess why you have allowed them into your life. Where is the chink in your armor?

are you talking about the guy who had the nervous breakdown and was in the hospital demanding all your time while you were starving?

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