By | November 9, 2011 19 Comments

Restraining order doesn’t protect woman from murder

Mary Daniels finally found the courage to leave her husband, Christopher Colletta. But she was afraid of him; he was violent. She got a restraining order.

It didn’t work. On August 3, 2010, he waited on the top deck of the Mercy Hospital St. Louis parking garage for her to finish work. When Daniels got to her car, he stabbed her 18 times. Tonight, a jury found him guilty of first degree murder. Read:

Man found guilty of killing wife at Creve Cour hospital on StlTodaycom.

Family of slain Hillsboro woman wants to help other domestic violence victims on StlTodaycom.

Story suggested by a Lovefraud reader.

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Here is another from the UK:

On Sunday 25th July 2010, Jane Clough was savagely murdered in the grounds of Blackpool Victoria Hospital as she arrived to start her night shift as an A & E nurse.

Her killer, Jonathon Vass, was her former partner and the father of her baby (name withheld due to ongoing court proceedings). Jane had recently returned to work after her maternity leave finished.

Vass, a body builder, heavily into steroid abuse had appeared in court on 1st December 2009 charged with 3 counts of rape against Jane. Jane had been strong enough to report the cases to the police and the CPS had met the required thresholds for prosecution of the rapes. He was further charged nine days later with 6 counts of rape, 3 assaults and 1 sexual assault. Despite objections by the Police and Crown Prosecution Service, and having been told that ‘he was extremely likely to interfere with the witness’ he was released on bail by Judge Simon Newell.

He was suspended from his job as an ambulance technician and then dismissed in May 2010.

Throughout the period, Jane was in hiding with her young daughter at her parents’ home as she was convinced that Vass intended to harm her. Despite her, and her family and police concerns, Vass was not re-arrested.

Jane had been awarded a residence order and sole custody of her child until she was 16.

Jane had only been back at work for about 6 weeks after her maternity leave ended when Vass brutally attacked her as she arrived to start her night shift inflicting muliple stab wounds before cutting her throat.

Since her murder, Jane’s family, supporters and friends have campaigned actively for a change to the law that allows such an event to occur.

The family’s MP, Andrew Stepehnson was granted 10 minutes on 28th June to recommend an amendment to the Bail Bill that allows for such an appeal to take place where there is the strong belief that the judge has “got it wrong”

This Bill will get its second reading in Parliament on 20th January 2012. We the undersigned believe that such an amendment should become law and that victims should, via the Crown Prosecution Service, be allowed to appeal a Judge’s decision to grant bail.


To me, a restraining order for violent offenders,
is similar to liars taking an oath to tell the truth.
Neither makes sense. What are they thinking?

Ox Drover

Sarah, I agree with you….having liars “swear” to tell the truth is outlandish!

The UK’s sentences for rape and murder and “life” being 10-12 years for murder/rape or both makes me want to scream!

Law enforcement here does not enforce violations of restraining orders for no contact, no phone calls, no harassment things. When it gets bad enough that there is something like an assault, burglary, battery charge they will finally do something. It makes the idea of protective/restraining orders laughable.


Anyone who ever played “Rock, Paper, Scissors” knows that all it takes to defeat a piece of paper is a piece of metal.

For the appearance of protection, there’s a restraining order.

For everything else, there’s Smith and Wesson.

This story would be much more enjoyable if entitled, “Husband who ignored restraining order and tried to stab woman to death is shot dead by her.”

Only stupid people demand to be defenseless by disarming law-abiding citizens. Stupid, insane or evil, that is.

Too bad. Instead, the innocent is dead and the government houses and feeds a cold blooded killer.

Ox Drover

I found this link this morning about a young woman who was murdered after taking out a restraining order.

It is so sad to me when this happens, but not at all unexpected. As much as I do encourage people to get ROs at the same time, even with the police being forewarned some of the psychopaths are so rabid in their rage and search for revenge, they just don’t care, or look forward enough to realize they WILL get caught.


I think that is probably true with some spaths!!

I have a three year restraining order against my ex and he has violated it twice and I turned it in to the authorities and there were no consequences for my ex. One violation was him being in the same event/building as I was he was not allowed in that building at that time because of a TRO, the police did nothing. The second was a direct email from him, the police did nothing. It seems like the police only take the RO seriously after they have killed you. I worked very hard to get the restraining order and I have come to believe it didn’t help as much as I thought it would, BUT I think it serves a couple of purposes 1) If I should die for anything less than natural causes the RO will at least point to the one responsible, and 2) Regardless of his reaction to it, It sends a powerful message, Do not mess with me anymore I will call the police! I can’t control what ex spath may or may not do with my strong boundaries any more than law enforcement can get him to pay his bills or actually drive with a driver’s license, or not use and abuse women and children for his own deviant selfish desires, or the church could get him to actually tell the truth or actually have a shred of REAL compassion for other people. So all that to say…Restraining Orders offer little real protection from spaths, but I would recommend pursuing one anyway because, even though it is weak, even if it is mostly symbolic, it is concrete evidence that you believe this person is a threat and you want this person out of your life and you want no contact with them.

And yes, I have a gun in my home and I know how to use it.

Ox Drover

I found something out recently in my state, so may not be right for other states, but a RESTRAINING ORDER is a CIVIL violation, like fraud, not something that they will put them in jail for, an ORDER OF PROTECTION is a CRIMINAL violation and they can be put in jail for violating it, a NO CONTACT order is also a civil order and might as well be a piece of TOILET PAPER.

I’m not sure if other states have different rules but I imagine it varies a LOT from state to state.

The Orders of Protection that have some LEGAL TEETH are necessary though if you want to stop them stalking, but the CATCH 22 is that it very well MAY INCITE them to more violence to show you that you can’t stop them!

I know for a FACT that if my son Patrick was out, even if he had on a leg monitor and a parole officer he would VIOLATE them both to come and do me in, he would not even think about getting caught or going back to prison, if he could off me, IT WOULD STILL BE A WIN FOR HIM EVEN IF HE DID THE REST OF HIS LIFE IN PRISON FOR DOING IT.

Even if he thought I had machine gun nests around the house with sharp shooters he would figure he would some how be able to kill me and if he died doing it, it would STILL BE A WIN.

Some psychopaths have to get the LAST WORD IN no matter what it costs them. They do not count costs the way that normal people do. Not all psychopaths are this way, but SOME of the worst of the worst are that way. KNOWING WHICH WAY your particular psychopath is is a help, but sometimes running for the hills is the only reasonable way. I’ve been there, done that, and have read about others who have taken their kids and gone to seek safety in other countries. I don’t encourage anyone to violate the law, but I do encourage everyone to KEEP SAFE under all circumstances.

Dr. Amy Castillo’s story (here on LF) where she warned the judge that her X had threatened to kill her kids in revenge for her divorcing him went to deaf ears, and sure enough, he killed them at the first unsupervised visit. That fake Clark Rockefeller that nabbed his daughter and ran with her from a SUPERVISED visit—and turns out he had already murdered at least two people before he ever married his wife, is another example of someone who is capable of kidnapping/murder. We need to listen to our guts about violence and not underplay what people are capable of. I knew my son was a thief but it blindsided me when he killed a girl out of revenge—even a decade and a half later after the murder, I still wanted to believe he had “repented.” My egg donor still believes that in spite of the evidence to the contrary.

When her granddaughter-in-law andthe Trojan Horse psychopath my son had sent to kill me (us) were arrested for trying to kill my son C, after I had warned her (in vain) about who this man was and she refused to believe me, she shouted in an e mail to me “Treachery!” I’m sure that’s what she would say if my son went back to prison for murdering me. “Oops! Treachery, Oxy was right after all. I’m so sorry I should have believed her.”

Orders of protection will help if a psychopath is a “garden variety” one who cares about going to prison, but those who are THUGS care not about what people think about them or going to jail….so know your enemy before you file for a POP…and keep yourself safe anyway. “The reason I carry a gun is a cop is way too heavy!” and remember “when SECONDS count, the cops are only MINUTES AWAY.”

Ox Drover

Dear Free,

I grew up around fire arms and have made the conscious decision that if necessary I will do what I have to to protect myself. You can’t stop at that second and try to decide whether to pull the trigger or not, you have to know what you will do before it happens.

On three occasions over the last 35 years my “friend” has “saved my bacon” and twice I had to actually point it at someone, but thank God I didn’t have to pull the trigger, just me having the gun was enough to make them decide to leave. Even though I have made up my mind what I will do if I have to to defend myself, I am sure none-the-less it would be a very traumatic event. I can only guess how my son C must have felt when he was holding the door shut against the Trojan Horse psychopath with a gun in his hand and a shell racked into the firing chamber—and he didn’t have a gun at that moment, only a phone. Thank God he was able to get 911 and it just happened by the grace of God that there was a deputy only a short distance away. Ordinarily, we live about 35-45 minutes away from law enforcement out here in the sticks.

If you do consider getting a fire arm, make sure you are SUFFICIENTLY trained and that you have made up your mind in advance how you will use it. Otherwise while you are making up your mind, the chance to defend yourself has passed and you’ll get to eat your own weapon. Also, depending on where you live, make sure you have any licenses or permits needed to be legal. If you ever do have to use it you want to make sure all your Ts are crossed and your i’s dotted legally.

Ox Drover

Dear Free,

If your X is stalking you and damaging your property etc. There is a group that encourages people in this situation to make video recordings to give to the police “in case something happens to me.”

I think it might be a good idea for you to make such a recording, and to make a copy and send to him. After the attempt on my life and my son C’s life we each made video recordings of us pinning the crime (if anything happens to us) on to my P-son and the trojan horse psychopath so that even in the event of our murders or accidental or natural deaths, there would be a record of what happened that could be presented to the parole board when my P son applies for parole again.

What we did was we wrote out what we wanted to say and put it in BIG LETTERs on a word file so we could scroll through it like a teleprompter so that we could focus on what we were saying and not “leave something out” or sound crazy. It worked quite well.

You might do this, and then consider about sending a copy to your X and say “this goes to the police if I am found dead” It might be pretty good insurance. You could even include copies of the police reports and photos of damage to your stuff.

The bottom line is that it is a list of “reasons why I AM IN FEAR OF MY LIFE from John Smith.”

the phoenix

“The reason I carry a gun is a cop is way too heavy!” and remember “when SECONDS count, the cops are only MINUTES AWAY.”

Beautiful Oxy. Just beautiful thinking going on there. Video and even photos documenting the damage of things, the state of affairs, disarray or disrepair things are in- all ways of documenting for legal purposes later on. Pretty much all cell phones have photo capabilities anymore, so we are always armed in that respect. Plug it in, forward the pics on to the email addy of a friend and it is documented, time, date, etc.


Just want to affirm what Oxy says about carrying a gun. It is a choice you MUST make BEFORE you need it.

I am NOT advocating that someone gets a gun to protect themselves b/c that’s NOT enough. I was one of those wimpy women who insisted on NO guns in the house. I was afraid. NOT any more!

I got educated about guns, gun safety, gun use. I have taken several classes teaching what help is available (none when you NEED it.) I have made a choice that when/if that time comes, I accept the consequences and I KNOW WHAT the consequences can be. I PRACTICE, not just accuracy, but what I would do in what scenario. What do I do if I am woken up with someone in my room? If they broke into a different room? How do I move? How do I keep myself in control (b/c DANGER wakes your flight/fight response.).

I do have an advantage. B/c I was severely abused, I do THINK during high danger. I know that about myself. I am a person who’s mind engages. SOME people go blank. I don’t recommend such a person to arm themselves. They need a different plan.

This is to say, I advocate the proper use of a defensive weapon for those people who are of the personality type to remain in control. YOU MUST KNOW YOURSELF and take all the appropriate classes. Maybe like me, once you can answer your fears, you are able to take on the responsibility. I AM that kind of person to take that responsibility and for me, empowering myself has given me peace of mind. PEACE b/c I have trained to defend myself. Finally, once you have that training, DON’T TELL anyone. I didn’t do it to be a target of someone’s challenge. I did it to NOT be the doormat or easy target that my abuser and his minions (likely what he’ll send, he avoids accountability.) thinks I am.

Ox Drover

Well, Katy, my P son knows that I am armed….and so does the Trojan Horse psychopath and the X DIL, so not telling them isn’t going to work…LOL BUT at the same time, because I AM prepared to defend myself 24/7 I am much safer from specificly targeted or general violence toward me or my home.

After my X BF was kicked to the curb, I made sure he knew that I knew he burned his X’s house and that SHE knew he did and that I have video CCTV that a fire wouldn’t wipe out…I also convinced him that if my house burned I would be coming after him…of course I would NEVER threaten him or anyone, that is illegal but I just made sure he knew I would not take an attack lightly. But I also realize that I can’t live in a fort with gun ports on the doors and windows and keep awake 24/7 so I make a compromise between caution and safety and living in terror.

I hope and pray I never have to confront anyone who is trying to hurt me physically but I am prepared to do what I have to do to remain safe and alive…whatever that is.

One of the countries with the LEAST AMOUNT of gun crime is Switzerland because EVERY able-bodied male in the country is in the militia and has an automatic rifle (machine gun) and ammunition in their home and has been trained how to use it. The bad guys know that every male in the country is armed and trained and they don’t want to meet resistence when they try to rob someone. LOL


You have a different situation where you needed to make it painfully clear to A* that you weren’t a target to mess with.

I said what I did about not telling b/c a lot of people get their concealed carry and then walk around daring people to mess with them. My purpose for arming is not to confront my husband and his minions and goad them into trying to harm me. My purpose is IF they did decide to harm me, they’d underestimate me and walk into a hornets nest.

Ox Drover

Oh, yes, Katy, I totally understand. Fortunately most of the people I know who do have their Concealed carry license are not “tough guys” ‘wanting an excuse to use their weapon, but concerned citizens, and frankly, I’m glad they are out there. I wish every man and woman in the US without a criminal record had a CC permit.


I find it reprehensible that some new woman would even want to use your decorations. Decor is so personal. It’s creepy that she’d use them. She might be a little disordered herself. At first I thought, well maybe he painted you as the crazy lady. That’s what was done to me, such a cliche, a stereotype, the wife is rejected b/c she’s crazy. And when enough people behave as if crazy is correct, it does mess with your head, esp when the story is going around and you don’t know it, and you don’t know you are about to be discarded. CRAZY MAKING! Sometimes people don’t ask, they like the easy answer. It’s keeps everything making sense in their world. They keep their fantasy (now who’s crazy!) by ignoring info and easily proven facts that points to reality. She’s heard one side and it’s the only side she wants to hear b/c of course, only a crazy lady would walk away and leave great stuff behind. That’s the ONLY possibility right?

Ox Drover

I think most if not all of us have believed what we really wanted to believe in the situation with our X’s at least for a while until it got too painful and we had to wake up to the fact that the snake that bit us was indeed POISON….then we had to take some action.

I think Free’s X’s new GF is the same way, she is believing whatever story he told that makes her comfortable enough to live in another woman’s home and use her Xmas decorations. Either that or she is also disordered and has no shame in taking what belongs to another…or some place in between. No way we can know for SURE what she is thinking, we can only guess.


I have a life time order of protection issued in the state of Flordia and I have confirmed that this order is valid in all 50 states. I have been in the process of divorcing my S for just under two years. He obtained my phone number from court records ( that were to be confidential). He called me over 200 times in one day alone. I had filed numerous violations of the no conatct order. He would be served with a court date and never show up. Finally he was arrested (nothing to do with me) then had no chioce as they knew where to find him. Before his trail even started he was arrested as he made an attempt to speak to me. My S was still wearing his wedding ring in court! He had been stalking me and violated the order of protection at least 10 times, the judge rolled all the charges in to one and he recieved five days in jail and 18 months probation. This is why women get killed! This was totally aggervated stalking which is a felony. He was charged with criminal contempt (by a female judge). He had adjudication withheld.. which means that this charge will not go on his record unless he violates his probation. The court will not protect you.. you must protect yourself! I have a gun now and a license to carry. My only peace is that I have moved and live 1300 mile away. Get a Gun, learn to shoot,Move, change jobs, get a phone in another persons name, do not trust the courts to keep your information privet, google your name and see what info is out there, in most cases you can have it removed. I posted a fake address on zaba people search incase he trys to find me, I have my house regiestered in another persons name, I have my water bill in a relatives name, be smart there are so many ways to find some one, you would never think some one could get your address from your water bill. Do not trust the court they will not protect you.. be smart and get a gun!!!

I got 18 months of stalking and living in fear the S got 5 days and 18 months probation… from a female judge.. ya thats what the courts do to protect you!! Protect yourself.. get a gun and learn to use it!!

Ox Drover


I am sorry that the courts did not take any reasonable action in your case.

I AM so glad though that you were smart enough to TAKE ACTION and to move. Not having your information linked to the address where you “stay” is very important.

Good advice about that….there ARE ways to have your car,, your home, etc. and even your Driver’s licenses NOT linked to your place of residence. You are, after all, not hiding from the FBI or the LAW but from a “skip tracer” who will get your address from PUBLICLY AVAILABLE RECORDS.

There are several books on how to LEGALLY cut the paper trail that leads to you, as well as some states will actually help you change your name and social security number without leaving a paper trail. I think California is one of those states.

Cutting that paper trail and the human trail as well that would lead your stalker to you like bread crumbs dropped along the path is the ONLY way to be 100% safe where they cannot find you.

I also have a gun, and am trained to use it, and willing to use it in self defense, but not every one is emotionally willing to do so. If I am ever killed with my own gun, it will be because it is empty and I missed every shot and they have to beat me to death with it, but not everyone is capable of making the decision to actually pull that trigger and under stress doing so.

Staying hidden is also a great option as well as bear spray (industrial strength pepper spray) Mace, where it is legal, wasp spray or oven cleaner spray are all pretty good “stoppers” that are non-lethal. PROTECTION is the name of the game if camo doesn’t work.

I’m glad you are now hidden! Good jjob!!!! TOWANDA!!!

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