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Sex, drugs and yoga

John Friend, founder of the Anusara style of yoga, which combined rigorous physical poses, a philosophical framework and a strict ethical standard. He was a kind of rock-star guru—at least until his alleged penchant for sex, drugs and other people’s money was discovered. Read:

Scandal contorts future of John Friend, Anusara yoga, on WashingtonPost.com.

Sex scandal knocks yoga world off balance, on MSNBC.MSN.com.

Yoga Mogul turns out to be a total scumbag, on Jezebel.com.

Links supplied by a Lovefraud reader.


Posted in: Media sociopaths

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23 Comments on "Sex, drugs and yoga"

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Glad to see that they’re finally using headlines that calls them as they are.

Plus he’s helped himself to his company’s pension fund, not to mention asking people to deliver illegal drugs for him.

Would you believe that “John Friend” isn’t his given name?

Anytime someone sets themselves up as some kind of “guru” I become suspicious. Whether it is religious, political, self help or any other way. I don’t find it a big surprise when one of these guru guys turns up to have been taking advantage of their guru-hood.

Putting anyone up on a pedestal as some kind of a god-like position always invites, I think, their very down fall. Power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely.

OxD….yepper. I have rarely met a “guru-type” person who was true.

Blech! This is SO like the last spath I excised from my life it makes my skin crawl.

Not as public, but same M.O. Involved with multiple female students (who are the ones who take his ‘classes’), soliciting money/sex. Sock puppets who make him look like a high minded spiritualist. And then falling back on the b.s. psycho-spiritual jargon, that he is ‘taking retreat…to contemplate….that he was out of integrity in intimate relationship’.

When the spath I knew said that he slept with 3 women (in 10 days), to see if he was still sexually attracted to me. He needed to compare. Riiiiight. This was his idea of ‘meditating on our connection’. It’s all smoke up our arses.

Likely this guy is in hiding, till the fire burns down.

I inadvertantly got a letter meant for exspaths’ ‘students’ after he lost a job teaching at an all women’s gym. In it he ‘confessed’ to having had relationships with students and that he was becoming an even better teacher and human being for having faced his ‘weaknesses’. No apology. No acceptance of responsibility. The whole letter was a sham, and a ploy to make him look ‘weak’ and vulnerable to his ‘temptations’ as anyone. Awwww.

There are always new sources of supply for these narcissists. For every follower, investor, student, girlfriend, wife, co-worker that ‘gets it’ and goes no contact, there is someone there to replace them.

Honestly. I am unbelievably grateful to get this. It was a painful birth in awareness. But well worth the labor.

I read through some of these articles.

If you read carefully, you’ll see that he threw out a lot of the long-established traditions of yoga. It was all about the experience, feeling good.

He “didn’t believe in correcting people” meaning that people could do whatever they wanted. Discipline wasn’t required.

Then they threw drinking parties after they had class. I’ve never heard of that before! There was no requirements for diet or embracing a healthier lifestyle.

He founded the organization with an ethics statement (made me wonder how many Ps, when they open a business to scam, put in ethics statements to reassure people as well) that his wife gradually changed over the years so sex between a teacher and student was OK. One place said that the teachers had to think about it for three weeks and try to find the student another teacher. Then it changed to that it was OK, but in the classroom, they should maintain the teacher/student personas.

The worst part was reading how so many people thought that what he did was OK. Comes with the territory. People like sex. He did more good than bad so what’s a little bad?

There isn’t enough information to know for sure if this is what he did, but it looks like he started out as a financial analyst/accountant and found an area to financially exploit. There were a gullible people just ripe for the picking.

Some of the articles that I found stated that his students and teachers (some of whom were lawyers) were becoming concerned with how he was handling things financially. It looked like he was running the outfit as a franchise, but without any of the legal protections. He wanted 10% of all the products his teachers sold, which was never disclosed to some of them.

He also wanted to trademark his name? How narcissistic is that?

I thought this over a bit.

I think that there must be two kinds of victims.

There is the type, which most people as individuals would fall under, who, when in a one-on-one relationship, take the P at his or her word. When that starts to unravel, such as when the P breaks a promise, we can see that.

The second type, which is what I think these students and teachers fell under, who were looking for something that would make them feel good without much effort or sacrifice from them.

I’m willing to sacrifice for a personal relationship, but how much more are we willing to overlook if something promises to be too good to be true? I think we might overlook because other people seem happy with the program and if I am the odd person out, guess what? I think we’re inclined to doubt ourselves and think we’re being too critical.

Don’t we question one-on-one relationships before we question something that “everybody” wants or is doing?

G1S I think it is sort of like the girl who falls for the “popular” guy at school, the foot ball star who is desired by everyone and thought to be so cool! Since everyone thinks he is “hot” we sort of go along with everyone and don’t really look at the fact that he just asked us to come behind the bleachers and give him a BJ…we think “HE NOTICED ME!” and then do it…then he tells everyone on the foot ball team what a slut we are and how “easy” we were. Then we feel like we’ve been slimed (and we have)!

That seeking notice and approval from someone who is “high status” or “popular” is I think a normal thing that is genetically programmed into us. If your mate is high status you are more likely to come by the things necessary to feed and house and protect your offspring. So the high status “guru” gets his pick of the women.

Maybe. Maybe. I certainly can see your points.

So this is all primative? Which alpha male can provide and protect? Except these slimeballs don’t protect anyone and they’re takers.

I guess they provide prestige.

Hi G1S and Oxy,

I was both of these described ‘victims’. Part of the culty/groovy scene, and then the ‘big mans’ girl.

I became involved in a kind of movement/dance/exercise practice, that is pleasure and sensually-based. Some ‘discipline’, in terms of learning all the routines…but basically just a hoot, espousing itself as a spiritual and growth practice (look up NIA). The founders of this movement live in my town. So it is big here. And it does purport LOTS of benefits and spiritual transformation.

It has a really clicky feel to it. Has followers. The founders are both very charismatic and high energy. I have heard many stories about them both professionally and personally- that are not flattering. I do not know them personally, and only took classes from them.

I always kept my distance, and enjoyed the classes for what they were: A Blast. And a great workout. But underneath I had a gut feeling that getting more involved would ruin the fun for me. So I looked the other way, and ignored the ‘drama’, and had fun.

It wasn’t until I met, and got romantically involved with one of the teachers of this ‘movement form’, that I got suckered.

Like you have said all the women who took his classes were moonie-eyed over him. I didn’t know him. I didn’t know he taught the dance classes I had been taking for nearly 10 years until we went out the first time. (there are hundreds of teachers who teach this).

Then it was like dating the guy all the girls fantasized about. They all looked at me like I’d won the lottery. He lovebombed me big. Decided to be ‘monogamous’ (as he was notoriously ‘poly amorous’), and called me his ‘girlfriend’. Some of the women couldn’t believe he was settling down, and with a ‘nice girl’, with a good job.

Little did they know what a total loser he is. An abusive sadist.

How could they? In class he is all smiles, confidence, laughs, and play. He encourages and cajoles the class into a kind of trance.

And lots of people feel the same about him as some of the folks about the yoga guy…. that maybe he is unscrupulous, but that he does MORE good than bad. I would disagree.

He basically teaches a great dance class. Lots of sweat and good fun. But he hurts people in the deepest places when given the opportunity. And because he creates LOTS of endorphins in his class, and women feel really good about themselves, and emotionally ‘open’, he has plenty of opportunity to exploit.

It wasn’t really about providing and protecting, as such. But he is definitely the Alpha in most any room, and gives the illusion of total strength and confidence. He has taught in front of thousands, and doesn’t get the slightest bit nervous. Well, so maybe this does register, on a very unconscious level, as someone who can take charge, and protect. Hmmm.

It is illusion. He only takes care of himself.

I will say, for my part, being with someone so physically endowed, and so sought after was a huge ego boost. It did play into my denial of some deeper, nagging, bad vibes. I overlooked things, in the hopes of holding onto him. Not just for looks, also for love. He could be very disarming and he was an excellent lovebomber. And he seemed to adore me, at least intially.

It didn’t last long. About 4 months in it started to unravel. I saw the mask drop, worked at helping him screw it back into place for a few more months. Then I cut him off, and never spoke to him again.

I then grieved the loss of my innocence, who I thought he was, and the dancing I liked so much.

I think this is likely what it feels like for women who are seduced by their church leader. Because for me dancing was more or less my church.

Slim

Slim, that is a wonderful description of how they work and how “we” are lead down the garden path into getting hooked by one of these gurus. I guess from the time that we (humans) lived in small tribes and in caves or huts, it was programmed into us to look for the “big guy” in the tribe to protect us and feed us and our offspring.

I read someone’s opinion once on the biologic reason men like big boobs and small waists and wide hips that made sense.

Oxy,

Part of it is instinctive impriting indeed. Though in intellectual capacity women and men do not differ from each other (even if interests may differ, but there is evidence this might be cultural… there are tribes where the women are the archictects and builders, not the men). But we are physically different, comparable to herd animals where males are bigger, heavier and stronger than the females (sea lions and walruss come to mind). Often in species where males are more powerful, taller, more muscled and with mane/bear, you’ll see harems around the star-male, whch forms one herd, and the other herd are bachelor herds.

I think we operate on a much more animal instinct level than people want to admit.

For instance, I read that the reason many women like men with a tight butt is that it usually comes with strong thighs (at least that’s the theory) which means better at thrusting.

I’ve also read that the research and conclusions about the existence of and effect of pheremones is still up in the air, but something is operating.

We’re the proverbial lambs to the slaughter.

Slimone, I am totally impressed with the insight that you have into what you went through and what was going on in that class and with its founder. Wow.

If nothing else, people like who you dealt with in your class and John Friend certainly goes against the Hollywood sterotype image of psychopaths and sociopaths.

Slim,
the confidence is what is most magnetic. I also think it’s the biggest red flag. Nobody is that confident, except God.

But who can resist such certainty in a world filled with fear?

And they play on those fears. My spath was always telling me how many ways a person could die. All kinds of scary things out there. (reminded me of my mother, so I thought he was just worried) This is a method of intimidation so that you never feel safe. Then his own confidence and self-assurance is even more addicting in such a frightening world.

If there is one thing I’m angry about, it’s how I was left with so much fear of everything. Between his programming and my mom’s, I worry all the time. I’m the person who was most fearless, but now I’m not.

Hi All,

G1…I HOPE I finally have some insight. I have attracted more than my fair share of spaths. This one was the final straw….the one that opened my eyes and broke my heart into a million pieces.

I do believe, now that I think about it more, that the inhuman confidence was what was SO attractive to me. The other spaths I knew were close, but this guy took the prize for confidence.

And like you, Sky, I was left with a near totally disabling fear when I ended it. I didn’t work for 4 months. Hid in my apt. I was terrified of the world.

I no longer have that fear. But I also don’t have the naive fearlessness of my younger years. Now it’s a more natural and informed fear, that warns me (and that I actually listen to!).

G1S, I think you are right about the effects of pheromones.

I know that SMELLS per se are very interesting. For example the smell of “skunk” is not unpleasant to my son D as his dad would put skunk scent on his leggings when he went hunting to cover his human smell so skunk to D is a “good smell” though most people would associate it with a “bad” thing.

I used to go with my grandmother when I was a small child when she would milk the cow, and the smell of normal fresh cow manure is actually a smell that brings back good memories and thus is not unpleasant to me (however the smell of cattle who are under stress, like a “bull wagon” on the road hauling cattle from one feed lot to another or an auction to a feed lot is extremely UN pleasant. Those cattle are highly stressed and it changes the smell of their manure into something that is entirely different from the normal smell of their poop which is inoffensive.

After my husband died, I went into the laundry basket and pulled out the dirtiest, sweatiest shirt in there and put it to my nose as I slept for several nights because it smelled like HIM. It comforted me.

In the insect and animal world the pheromones given off signal sexual readiness among the animals and sometimes the smell can be detected for miles by another one of the same species.

Humans have two types of sweat glands, and one type gives off the smell of our stress.

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/sweating-and-body-odor/DS00305/DSECTION=causes

Your skin has two types of sweat glands: eccrine glands and apocrine glands. Eccrine glands occur over most of your body and open directly onto the surface of the skin. Apocrine glands develop in areas abundant in hair follicles, such as on your scalp, armpits and groin and open into the hair follicle just before it opens onto the skin surface.

Apocrine glands, on the other hand, secrete a fatty sweat directly into the tubule of the gland. When you’re under emotional stress, the wall of the tubule contracts and the sweat is pushed to the surface of your skin where bacteria begin breaking it down. Most often, it’s the bacterial breakdown of apocrine sweat that causes an odor.

Actually, I think that fear hormone is why a dog is more likely to bite you if you are afraid than if you are not afraid of him. The smell of a human under stress is quite unpleasant. The sweat glands located under your arms and in your groin also are activated by sexual activity as well. That’s why if your husband (or wife) had sex with someone else and didn’t shower before they came home you could SMELL it on them.

When I am under high stress I can actually feel the sweat come rolling out from under my arms and actually smell it myself. Even if I am somewhere it is COLD the stress activates the sweat glands to pour it out, where as the sweat glands that respond to high temps don’t have an unpleasant odor because they mostly put out water and salt which doesn’t have an unpleasant odor.

One of the things that Dr. Leedom has discussed about psychopaths is that they don’t have as much FEAR as we do, so they would not put off that smell from their sweat glands as we would. that would make them APPEAR more confident to us. If we were afraid or anxious, a person who appeared (or smelled) more confident would be appealing to us.

It could very well be the perception of confidence.

I used to be very attracted to anyone who could speak at length and sounded to me like he or she had all the answers. At first, I thought that was because my S mother and P sister can do that and I was just patterned to be receptive to that. That was also a big attraction to my son’s P father.

I was a moth to the verbal flame. I have had a lot of people in my life who are rapid, non-stop talkers. Grasshopper, the woman I said was clueless, freely admits that she “can talk the pattern off the wallpaper.”

I do better writing. It gives me time to think.

Which leads me to my next thing. Fear – I had no clue how to handle what life threw at me. Part of that was due to us being born as blank slates. I equated people who could talk as protective people because they talked so easily. They had answers for every question. I hadn’t learned yet that words can be walls to keep people away or that words were spins and lies. Who would lie to me? I would never lie to anyone.

My S mother delighted in not explaining stuff to us. She gloated when we failed. She would actually say, “You mean you don’t know?” So, I was pretty terrified to ask questions.

Furthermore, I deeply suspected that everybody else was handed the secret manual for dealing with life when they were born and I never got one. Anybody would know more than I would. Total strangers knew more about my family than I did.

My family of origin had this odd habit of being unable to state an opinion without a qualifying statement in support from somebody being said with it. Everything needed to be supported with “and so-and-so thinks so, too.” I think that came from, again, my mother. You’d try to tell her something, and 99 times out of 100, she’d come back with, “And what does so-and-so think? Did you ask X? Did you see a doctor or is this just something that you think? (How’s that for a total put-down? I had a thought; must have been worthless.) Does anybody else agree with you?”

Of course, they always picked somebody who would agree with them. It was a classic case of one lies and the other one swears to it.

As a little kid, I used to feel like the kid in the Emperor’s New Clothes who would say, “But he has no clothes on!” (How’s that one for a P fairytale?) And I’d be shot down for saying that because “nobody else thinks like you do.” It was constant invalidation, which created uncertainty and fear. Healthy self-esteem was impossible.

I know about the debilitating fear. I am not a hoarder by any stretch of the imagination, but I have clutter around me. Just at home. Not at work. At work, my desk is immaculate. I’m the queen of organization. I think I can be myself at work because my mother has never been present there. She knows next to nothing how people work in corporations so she could never tell me I was doing anything wrong. I did a lot right and validation did come from many sources.

My home clutter depresses me. I used to love to show off my home and invite people in. I loved to entertain. I wanted my home filled with family and friends (um, more friends than family.) Now, I don’t want anybody to come into the house. I think that a good four hours spent on a Saturday would have this place shipshape and every Saturday, I can come with reasons why I can’t do that.

I suspect I keep the disarray as an excuse to keep people out. I’ve told my son many times not to invite anybody home. I feel like I’m being a terrible mother when I do that. We’ve discussed this often. I told him I don’t know why I do this. I told him that I have an unidentified emotional need to keep things this way. I must, because otherwise I would change it. He’s very understanding, but I don’t feel any better.

The few times that he has had his friends here, my mind goes wild thinking that the talk is that I am hearing from his bedroom is they’re laughing about my housekeeping. It’s really sad. I’ve even asked him out of fear of what I’d hear, and he always responds, “No, Mom. Nobody cares about the house. We have more important things to talk about.” Of course they do. I know how irrational it all is, but I feel so powerless against it.

I am ashamed of this place. When I do finally get disgusted and start throwing thing out, I can feel the panic starting to surge within me. It scares me.

Speaking of jealousy, I had a place once that I put a lot of effort into and it came out looking very nice. My P sister came to see it. The next time that I am at her place, she had gone out and bought the identical curtains that I had and even added the lace treatments that I had put on mine. My mother said that imitation was the sincerest form of flattery. They have no boundaries. NOTHING was mine. Everything was for the taking.

I have no idea why I think this stuff is protecting me. Maybe because I know I’d never invite my mother or sister here when the place looks like this, but I do no contact with them. There is a huge disconnect somewhere.

It could very well be my S mother and P sister because they have refused to leave here. I got hysterical. I literally went down into my basement and stayed there for 15 minutes because they wouldn’t leave. I should have called the police, but I didn’t realize then that the police would have escorted them off my property. I should have done that because it would have created a police record and what a statement it would have made. Boy, do I regret that. Maybe it would have put them off enough that they wouldn’t have gone through with their plan to kidnap my son.

Another time I tried to leave my mother’s house, which was a few years before the above, and she literally threw her body against the door so I couldn’t. I ran to another one, but she beat me there and threw herself across that door. I reached for the phone to call 911, but she grabbed it out my hand and slammed it back down demanding what was I thinking? Do I have any idea how she’d look? I was reduced to a hysterical crying blob.

Skylar, have you seen the cable program, 1,000 Ways to Die? It’s all about the endless stupid things that people do that causes their deaths. Supposedly it is based on true cases. I don’t know where they’d get all the information from, but every case seems plausible. It’s semi-tongue-in-cheek because of the stupidity involved.

Threats of murder or dying were not present when I was growing up.

Oxy:

On the subject of smells…my spath didn’t smell at all. Very interesting, yeah? No body odors at all…he was very delicious I hate to say. But this makes sense because he probably didn’t fear. Although I do have to say two things…I did see his underarms totally wet one time at work (even showing through his sweater) so he must have been nervous about something and he does ALWAYS look like he’s worrying…he really does. You can see his wheels turning all the time and he paces a lot and is very fidgety. Maybe this is only due to his alcoholism…maybe it’s kind of part of the shakes…I don’t know…

G1S, have you seen or read the Darwin Awards web site or books? It is stupid people who have done stupid things and killed themselves in the process…it is based on the idea that they took themselves out of the gene pool.

The clutter thing…it is obviously something that you have thought about and are aware of the FEELINGS that go with the house being that way.

Maybe you are thinking/feeling that if the house is a “mess” and you don’t invite anyone over then if you DID clean it up and invite someone over and they wouldn’t come you would be let down. Just a thought, but only YOU can tell why you have these feelings.

I used to be very sentimental and keep stuff, old letters, journals, grade school annuals, every picture or drawing my kids did, anything that belonged to my grandparents, etc. but after I got back from the “wilderness” I called my cousins and asked if they wanted the quilts and things that had belonged to our mutual grandparents and they did and I gave them most of it.

I recently went through my family photographs and scanned them into the computer and kept only a shoe box full and gave the rest to my son C that I am pretty much NC with since he lied to me a year and a half ago. I also went through the things that had belonged to my husband and scanned them all and then divided them up into boxes more or less randomly for his kids. I went through my clothes and I realized I did NOT need 50 pair of blue jeans half of which didn’t fit me any mroe, so out they went…and who needs 50 tee shirts with stains in the front? I have a washer and dryer so I only need at most 7 work shirts….so culled them down as well. I no longer entertain much and if I do we eat off paper plates if I have a big crowd so don’t need 25 baking dishes so culled them down as well.

My closets are organized and I either threw out or donated or recycled things I did not need. It was a nice feeling. I took my spare bedroom which no one slept in, as I have the RV which sleeps 8 so if a big crowd comes I sleep them out there, and usually my son’s friends sleep on the floor or the couch if they stay over night so I turned that room into a “multipurpose” room with book shelves, a comfy chair to sit and read in with a nice light, a folding table for my sewing machine, my stationary bike (that I haven’t been able to ride since January due to my ankle injuries) and other exercise equipment and hobby equipment as well as my folding professional massage table.

I’m working on my office now and enjoying making my home MY comfort zone. I also went through my books, as I am a book-a-holic, and donated a large box to the half price book store for store credit which was nice because that will make the ones I buy there 50% cheaper. I even bought a huge box of books for $3 at an auction and took them there and got $45 worth of credit for them…so made some money on that deal!

But I have my home comfortable for ME. If I don’t feel well, or whatever, I may leave the dishes for tomorrow…and if the dust is deep enough to write your name in, I just request that you don’t put the DATE on it. LOL When my friends come if the floor is dusty that’s their problem if they don’t like it, not mine.

I have a friend who is a compulsive neat freak and she works her self to the bone keeping her home clean to the point you could eat out of her toilet and her yard is totally manicured and she spends a ton of money on annual flowers and it looks so nice, but you know that’s not my thing. I like the house where I am “not ashamed” of it, or it is filthy, but I’m not going to freak out over the house being immaculate.

Whatever YOUR comfort level is is what you should aim for.

A woman who was my “best friend” for 30+ years is deeply unhappy now and she has become a hoarder in her unhappiness and worse yet, she is aware of her hoarding and is totally ashamed of it. There literally is no place in her house to sit that is not covered a foot deep in “stuff” and she keeps getting more and more “stuff”—the last time I visited her last year I knew she was deeply unhappy and I realized why. Her husband had retired and no longer traveled with construction, and I finally realized how verbally and emotionally abusive he is. Probably always had been but now he spends his time at their vacation home and she stays at the house in town and it has become a pile of filth with multiple cats and the litter box not cleaned and though I was not in any way critical of her housekeeping, she felt ASHAMED of it and felt I was being critical.

We actually parted ways as she and her husband were both very rude to me during my visit. I understand WHY…he is an arsehole, and she is ashamed of what has become of her house, but she is unable to focus on her real problem, but instead focuses on the shame she feels. She feels I think trapped, and after 45+ years of marriage she isn’t going to divorce him, but he has financial control over her too as she has been a stay at home mom due to their son being a quadrapelegic and she had to care for him until he became independent at about 30 years of age.

I am sorry that our relationship “went south” because we did have a good (though not perfect) relationship for a long time, but I am not willing to take abuse and set some boundaries and that’s just the way it must be. I have empathy for her situation, but she is not going to change her circumstances, and I won’t put up with the snarky behavior toward me.

We were talking on another thread today about how it isn’t our place to open someone else’s eyes to the abuse they are enduring unless they want our help. At the same time, it is our place to set some boundaries on how we allow others to treat us.

I don’t let someone else’s idea of how “clean” a house should be or not be effect me or how I keep my house. I think maybe you are allowing the “ghost” voices of your N mother and P sister to influence your feelings about your home. all I can say is make your house YOURS and keep it the way YOU want it, not the way you think someone else things it should be. The friends who care about you will be fine with that.

Thank you, Oxy. I am going to read and re-read what you said so that everything sinks in fully.

I read once that no woman ever put on her tombstone, “I wish I had kept my house cleaner.”

At least I’m talking about this now. That’s a good sign. It means that I am dealing with it. I hope it means that I am going to let go of this stupid need to have things this way soon.

My house isn’t dirty. I clean, vacuum, and wash. It’s cluttered in places.

G1S,
No, I don’t have a TV, so I haven’t watched it.

My mother didn’t do threats of dying. It was more like, “look at me suffer. Life is hard when you grow up. you’ll see. raising kids is a fucked job.”

My spath didn’t do threats either. It was all about “caution”.
“be very cautious, never mix ammonia with bleach, the gas will kill you…ARE YOU LISTENING?!… YOU DON’T MIX THEM DO YOU? DO YOU? Be very cautious, you need to check all the heaters before you leave. You don’t want to start a fire. I worry so much about you because you take sleeping pills when I’m not home. If a fire started, would you wake up? WOULD YOU? HUH? WOULD YOU?!!” BLAH BLAH BLAH…

It’s all covert so that it sinks in better.

G1S, no and no one ever put on their tombstone “I wish I’d spent more time at the office” either…I never had permission to “play” either and that is something I have had to make myself do, take time to just PLAY. I always had to be accomplishing things or working or I felt lazy and lazy is one of the worst sins in the world.

I also never had “permission” to spend money on myself…I would spend money on my kids or my husband for things they wanted but if I spent money on myself I felt guilty. A while back I got my hearing tested and I scored “profoundly deaf” I actually get along pretty well because I have become an excellent lip reader, but hearing aids are very expensive, but I thought, “you know, if this was something my son D needed, I would pop for it in a microsecond and never give it another thought,” so I bought them and though frankly I do feel a bit guilty about spending that kind of money on myself I did it anyway. LOL

I am frugal, and that’s okay, I actually enjoy searching for bargains. I like nice things but I also like to get it at a bargain price so I SHOP to find the cheapest prices. It is like a game to me.

Becoming aware of how these ‘feelings” make us want to do things that are kind of NOT LOGICAL is the first step to fixing the problems they create in our emotional and physical lives.

Well, I’m off to bed, my eyes are shutting themselves. G’nite!

Oxy,
I just have to tell you this story.
I’m the same way about bargains. It’s great fun to me. almost addictiing.
So I said to my spath, “yes, I do really like getting these great bargains, it fun. It’s just like gambling, I think.”
All of a sudden, his eyes lit up, “REALLY? it’s like gambling for you?”
“Yeah,” I said, ” it is, except I ALWAYS WIN! The only question is how much I’m gonna win. You know, will I get the item for cheap, or for free, or will I MAKE money on it?”
Spath’s face suddenly looked dejected. “oh. I see.” He lost interest in a game where I always win. He loves going to casinos to watch people lose. He would tell me, “This guy lost all his money, I’m sure he went out and committed suicide.”

goes to show how dumb I was. I just didn’t see how sick that was. I just thought he wa concerned.
🙁

A friend of mine once told me that my money can be in one of two places – my pocket or somebody else’s.

I will not pay full price for anything. Nothing changes about the product when it goes on sale.

I got a bonus from work.

My son needs a new mattress. I searched the Internet and found that the best mattress sales are Memorial Day weekend so we will get him one then.

I promised him that we get a high definition TV, too. We’ll wait until the Father’s Day sales to buy one of those. That’s when the more expensive electronic gifts go on sale.

I buy most of my books used from Amazon, but first I take them out of the public library system to look them over (assuming the library system has them) to see if I really want to own them. Many times, it’s enough to browse through or read them. I don’t have to own them.

Some things I will not buy used, like a car. Nobody gets rid of a car that they are happy with. Even so, when I buy a car, I buy them on sale.

Eewwww, Sky, that’s very yucky – going to casinos to fantasize about the despair people are feeling. I’ve never been to a casino. I have no desire to go.

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